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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

DH smacked daughter in face

173 replies

needadvicenow81 · 15/01/2018 01:29

My H smacked our D in her face today. Down on her level and she is 5.

She had refused to come home in the street. She was being very difficult but this is no excuse.

After I took H in to our bedroom and told him it was not to happen again. I should have said because it is wrong, but knowing him as I do, I felt safer saying if you hit then you have no further road ahead. I was wary of attacking him in case he turned on me, verbally.

I can't sleep for thinking about what he did. There are other incidents that I can't mention. I am married to a man who becomes a violent one when someone defies him.

What should I do now? Please can I get some wise words. Is the slapping as bad as I feel it is?

OP posts:
Awks · 15/01/2018 23:20

If you're a service wife, there are people and places you can go - am sure you know that. I can tell you your nearest if you need to. New, safe life starts soon x

littletinyme1 · 15/01/2018 23:31

I have seen kids hit in Europe in shops and by the pool. France and Spain. I remember when my teen was 5yo and a girl a similar age was playing up by the toys. Lots of shouting from mum drew our attention as she grabbed child and hit her. My child stood by me, eyes wide and just said really quietly in an appalled voice ' Mum'. No one said or did anything.

Whether it is legal or customl or not doesn't matter OP, it is not right. To behave like that to a small child does not show love. So this man is not good enough to gave in your child's life. Make sure she knows you will never allow a man to get away with hitting her.

Original poster
needadvicenow81 · 16/01/2018 00:03

I don't want to write much more. I'm wary of this thread being found.

I have managed to get it in writing from him today that it happened. He acknowledged it in the WhatsApp when I sent him the information about it being made illegal in this country. With a commitment never to do it again from him.

I spoke to my daughter today and told her it isn't normal. That it is wrong.

We are going to have a quiet, peaceful day tomorrow. Bags and documents went this afternoon when he was at work. There isn't much but there is enough.

I'm seeing my friend on Wednesday and that is our first stop.

Thanks everyone. I really appreciate it.

OP posts:
Greensleeves · 16/01/2018 00:05

I'll be thinking of you needadvice, you're absolutely doing the right thing. Superb mum Flowers

MaitlandGirl · 16/01/2018 00:19

Good luck xx

Jazzy11 · 16/01/2018 00:22

Good luck both! You got this xxx

ferando81 · 16/01/2018 00:24

How hard was the slap?Was it gentle to get her to concentrate and focus ?If there was any anger on his part then it's time to leave

43percentburnt · 16/01/2018 00:36

Stay safe op. Delete your phone history - leaving is the most dangerous time.

Original poster
needadvicenow81 · 16/01/2018 00:37

The slap was filled with anger. Unpleasant and cruel.

I despise him for touching her.

OP posts:
HughLauriesStubble · 16/01/2018 00:50

Good luck op you are so brave and strong Flowers

Coyoacan · 16/01/2018 01:31

You are doing great, OP.

Have a great future violence-free life

Slowtrain2dawn · 16/01/2018 07:32

Thinking of you OP. As pp said, leaving is the most dangerous time. Are you sure it’s safe to wait till tomorrow? Is there any possibility he will come early, abusers are very good at sensing you’ve had enough.

Original poster
needadvicenow81 · 16/01/2018 07:41

We are not with each other today. He has gone to work and is out tonight.

OP posts:
Violletta · 16/01/2018 07:51

good luck op xx

ThatWasNotLove · 16/01/2018 07:51

Op name change fail? Maybe HQ can change it?

WestleyAndButtockUp · 16/01/2018 07:56

Wishing you well.

raisinsarenottheonlyfruit · 16/01/2018 08:00

Wishing you well.

You do need to involve the police to give you and your DD protection for the future.
This is really important so you can prove why she needs protection from him, so in the future It's not just your word against his.

Well done for getting proof. Give the police a call once you're safe and away. Find out if there's a domestic violence dept you can speak to.

BitOutOfPractice · 16/01/2018 08:12

Wishing you all the very best op. Stay safe Flowers

sashh · 16/01/2018 08:25

Good luck OP. Maybe get this thread deleted, I, and I'm sure anyone else in here will respond to direct messages and if you want pass things on to others on here.

Be careful, be safe, I won't add be brave because you already are.

SuperLoudPoppingAction · 16/01/2018 09:00

Will be thinking of you today and tomorrow - I wish lots of good things for you and your daughter x

If it's making you worried to have this thread up then definitely report it - you can always start another later on.

toomuchtooold · 16/01/2018 09:43

Best of luck, OP.

Ginkypig · 16/01/2018 11:12

I completely understand why you feel you shouldn't continue on this thread.

Remember though when. You feel it's safe enough to come back I'm sure there will be loads of help.

Until then lots of us are sending support and wishing you the best.

Fishface77 · 16/01/2018 12:31

Good luck op.
Mumsnet is always here x

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