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Original poster

Man I like announced out the blue he’s getting married

154 replies

Eskio · 14/01/2018 07:04

Hi, please help.. name changed for this as feel embarrassed.
Last August I met a guy and we see each other every day (we don't work together). I saw him first and thought he was gorgeous. There started to be eye contact, body language signs of attraction then gradually over the months between last summer and this Christmas we got talking and every day now we see each other and have these in depth conversations and have really got to know each other. I’m crazy about him and never met a man like him. Last week, he suddenly broke the news to me he’s getting married this year Confused wtf!! Never ever once in all the time we’ve been talking mentioned any girlfriend but told me so much about himself!! I’m confused and upset. Played it completely cool when he told me and forced a smile and said ‘ahh congratulations’.
Why did he not mention a g/f before... then suddenly dropped this bombshell. He doesnt seem happy or excited about it. Just says how he wished he’d been single longer and how his life is boring and he never goes out or does anything!! There is such a huge spark of chemistry between us I feel so gutted I’ve met someone like him then to be told this Sad

Wwyd.........

OP posts:
overnightangel · 14/01/2018 07:08

Tell him how you feel, life’s too short for regrets

MorningstarMoon · 14/01/2018 07:08

Be happy for him.....there is no wwyd because he's getting married

SuperBeagle · 14/01/2018 07:09

Pity his fiance.

allthegoodusernameshavegone · 14/01/2018 07:09

I’d ask him why he didn’t mention GF before?

SuperBeagle · 14/01/2018 07:09

*Fiancée

Original poster
Eskio · 14/01/2018 07:12

Why did he keep the fact he has a g/f hidden for so long? This is what bugs me, he obviously kept it completely hidden from the start then - bang - announces this out the blue. When i was in a committed r’ship the first thing I used to do to men who started becoming interested in me was talk about my then boyfriend!!

OP posts:
justkeeponsmiling · 14/01/2018 07:12

He didn't tell you because he knew you fancied him and he enjoyed the attention and the flirting. He reeled youin and used your attraction to him for kicks and to feed his ego. Now that he is actually getting married he realised that he is being a shit and he thought he'd better come clear. He sounds like a total prick, sorry OP. Time to cut contact and move on!

Angelf1sh · 14/01/2018 07:18

What is the context of you seeing him everyday if you don’t work together? I think that’s important as to whether he should have told you. I know it’s not work but in the context of working with people, I don’t expect everyone I work with to reveal their relationship status to me. If I had made assumptions then I’d say that was my fault, not there’s. However if we’d met in a pub and had made arrangements to see each other there every night since, then I’d see that more akin to dating for 6 months and clearly he should have told you. I think here you’d have a right to be angry with him and to tell him so.

In either case, he’s clearly getting married and you need to get over your infatuation with him. How you do that will depend on whether this is your mistake or his deceit. In the long run though, you’re better off cooling or ending the contact. You can’t keep it as it has been if you want to get over him.

Psychobabble123 · 14/01/2018 07:21

Do you mean you commute to/from work on the same train or something? My guess is he saw you as some fun to pass the time but now knows hes got to pack it in as the wedding approaches. Perhaps you have read more into this than there is? Not a criticism, we all do it. Sorry you are hurting OP Sad

Slartybartfast · 14/01/2018 07:26

He is hoping for more from you, and either will go ahead with the wedding or not, probably wants both

TheStoic · 14/01/2018 07:26

Tread very carefully. He’s grooming you to be his bit on the side.

How much do you value yourself?

DrRisotto · 14/01/2018 07:29

Why are you seeing each other every day of you don't work together? Have you kissed, had sex etc?

PinkAvocado · 14/01/2018 07:31

I think justkeeponsmiling is right. He has enjoyed the attention but now realised that he needs to come clean before you somehow make it difficult for him in his real life.

FrancisUnderwood · 14/01/2018 07:31

I wouldn't want anything to do with him now. He's shown you who he is: no prize.

Bluntness100 · 14/01/2018 07:31

Well. I think if there was a huge spark, why has nothing happened in six months? Did you not wonder?

I'd also agree how come you see him every day?

Original poster
Eskio · 14/01/2018 07:32

Yes its on the commute.
I absolutely value myself - haven’t once asked to be in contact or meet up or anything like that, as I was waiting for him to ask (which he didn’t...now I know why!!) so at least I’ve kept 100% of my dignity!! It’s just very hard as we seem to be very drawn to each other. Arrgh Sad

OP posts:
AristotlesTrousers · 14/01/2018 07:32

Aw, I'm disappointed on your behalf, OP. Sad

Sadly though, I think justkeeponsmiling might be right. I hope I'm wrong, but I've met similar men in the past.

Bluntness100 · 14/01/2018 07:33

Ok, so you see him on your commute each morning and talk to him, nothing more between you?

Original poster
Eskio · 14/01/2018 07:34

He seems unhappy though. Do you think its all bullshit?? I’m confused.

OP posts:
AnnieAnoniMouse · 14/01/2018 07:34

Is there any chance it’s an arranged marriage?

Original poster
Eskio · 14/01/2018 07:35

Hi bluntness no nothing at all has happened. Just seeing each other every day and now we sit together every day and have got closer. Now he’s told me this.. it’s a bombshell out the blue.

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 14/01/2018 07:35

Honestly? You won't like it. But I think you're just talking to a guy on the train and you've read more into it. If he was interested or wanted to have seen you he would have done so. I'm sorry.

Angelf1sh · 14/01/2018 07:36

If it’s just commuting then I think you’ve read too much into it op. Just be happy for him and move on. I don’t think he’s deliberately led you on as I suspect he’s been oblivious to anything other than the nice woman he has a chat with on the way to work each day.

At worst he’s enjoyed the attention and now realised he needs to put a stop to your attraction. Either way you need to move on.

Original poster
Eskio · 14/01/2018 07:36

Hi Annie no its not arranged.

OP posts:
Dozer · 14/01/2018 07:37

You see him every day?! Odd, even if you commute together or something. You don’t really know him at all, just how he has presented himself to you.

He has treated you badly - suggest no contact - and his fiance abominably.

As you fancied him, why did you spend so much time in the “friend zone”: waste of your time! Better to find out if someone is interested and, if not, move on than spend ages developing romantic fantasies/feelings.

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