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Original poster

Man I like announced out the blue he’s getting married

154 replies

Eskio · 14/01/2018 07:04

Hi, please help.. name changed for this as feel embarrassed.
Last August I met a guy and we see each other every day (we don't work together). I saw him first and thought he was gorgeous. There started to be eye contact, body language signs of attraction then gradually over the months between last summer and this Christmas we got talking and every day now we see each other and have these in depth conversations and have really got to know each other. I’m crazy about him and never met a man like him. Last week, he suddenly broke the news to me he’s getting married this year Confused wtf!! Never ever once in all the time we’ve been talking mentioned any girlfriend but told me so much about himself!! I’m confused and upset. Played it completely cool when he told me and forced a smile and said ‘ahh congratulations’.
Why did he not mention a g/f before... then suddenly dropped this bombshell. He doesnt seem happy or excited about it. Just says how he wished he’d been single longer and how his life is boring and he never goes out or does anything!! There is such a huge spark of chemistry between us I feel so gutted I’ve met someone like him then to be told this Sad

Wwyd.........

OP posts:
sarahjconnor · 14/01/2018 09:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Butterymuffin · 14/01/2018 09:06

He's being a dick to talk about his fiancee that way, and you've dodged a bullet. Agree with KungFuEric that it's been an ego boost for him.

sonjadog · 14/01/2018 09:06

I think that maybe you have read more into this situation that he has. He thought you were just two acquaintances who were becoming friends on a train, you thought you were getting closer than that. It happens and it stings when you find out that they aren't feeling what you are. But it passes and you two can be friends on a more even footing from now on.

WeAllHaveWings · 14/01/2018 09:08

My dad was with me on Christmas Day and then we all went to auntie x for Boxing Day. My cousin is home for Christmas and it was great to see her. Did go out at new year I had the cold so I was in bed by 5 past 12.

Never mentioned partner, and yet it’s an accurate representation of what happened.

Your post is being unnecessarily obtuse it was clearly only one example. If you had deep meaningful conversations with the same person daily for 6 months talking about what you did at the weekend/last night you still would never mention your partner?

Wallofglass · 14/01/2018 09:08

He has obviously not mentioned it deliberately and let you get closer to him, probably enjoying the attraction. Time to cool it now.

Wallofglass · 14/01/2018 09:10

If he wants to get married to someone unfun and boring let him get on with it. Very disrespectful to his partner.

londonrach · 14/01/2018 09:10

Think youve read too much into this. To be blunt...He's not that into you as if he was he had done something. As only meet him on commute you just a nice lady to chat too.

Bluedoglead · 14/01/2018 09:10

Depends on what you call an in depth conversation doesn’t it?

Is it life the universe and everything, or talk about sex life for example.

bastardkitty · 14/01/2018 09:15

Having sex or talking about sex are very far from being the only ways of being intimate.

Bluedoglead · 14/01/2018 09:16

The op says “in depth” - not intimate.

maygirl27 · 14/01/2018 09:20

Eskio if he's that unhappy about the situation and not in arranged marriage, don't you think he would make moves to put a stop to the engagement. I think you could be in a situation where you could be used for his bit on the side if you're not careful. Stop and think - the face he's presenting to you regarding his apparent unhappiness is very likely to be different to the face he's presenting, and what he's saying to his fiancee. Wish him good luck and for your sake, move on because I think you've dodged a bullet tbh.

NameChange30 · 14/01/2018 09:22

The thing is, if you have a fiancé(e), they usually feature in your life enough that you would mention them when chatting about what you did at the weekend. Social things with partner’s family or friends, celebrating partner’s birthday or an anniversary, presents you gave and received at Christmas, wedding planning stuff (eg visiting venues, meeting photographer, etc) or even just something like “we went to see a film that x wanted to see” or “it was my turn to pick the restaurant/takeaway this time so we had Indian” or “x was out for the evening / away for the weekend so I did xyz”

BlondeB83 · 14/01/2018 09:23

He’s not that into you. He would have acted by now if he was. Move carriages and move on! X

bastardkitty · 14/01/2018 09:26

'In depth' and 'intimate' - can you see a connection there?

Angelf1sh · 14/01/2018 09:27

But the op says they’ve only started having in depth conversations since December and he told her a week ago. So there’s been a window of 5 weeks since they started having in depth conversations and his fiancée being mentioned. I really don’t understand why people think that’s hiding it. 5 week’s is not a long time.

Angelf1sh · 14/01/2018 09:29

Actually she says Christmas, not December, so it’s evennshorter!

Bluedoglead · 14/01/2018 09:29

In depth since Christmas. And there was holidays - we were off for a week and this is only the end of the 2nd week back.

In-depth does not mean intimate. I have in-depth discussions with my commute friends. They are NOT intimate in any way shape or form. It’s a train. That would not be appropriate.

thiswas · 14/01/2018 09:30

He liked you and didn't want to spoil the momentum, that's why he didn't tell you.

The proof that he was right (not morally right) is that moment he told you, you backed off.

Now he hopes you'll still be "friends".

raisedbyguineapigs · 14/01/2018 09:31

My friend did this with someone she worked with. He was married. they had lots of 'in depth' chats about his life. She worked out by that that he was just 'shy' and he was really in love with her. She looked him up on facebook and from pictures decided he was unhappy with his wife but couldnt leave her because he felt sorry for her, that they had married too young etc etc. they looked like ordinary photos to me. She confronted him just before she left work and he said he was just being friendly and he was married. She was gutted.

Bluntness100 · 14/01/2018 09:34

Some PPs are minimising it, but i think you can tell when someone is just being friendly in an innocent way and when someone is allowing a flirtation and emotional intimacy to start developing

The thing is some folks really can't. You see it on here all the time. They fancy someone and as that person is chatty and nice to them they develop this whole fantasy their crush feels the same and is talking to them for this reason and is feeling this deep connection. Because they are being nice and chatting about all sorts, they think that's it, they are crazy about me too.

The reality is then the other person is just chatting friendly to someone on the train and doesn't read any more into it and doesn't give it a second thought when they get off the train, never ask for a phone number, no contact outwith that, gets on with their life, because it's just chatting on the commute to pass the time.

raisedbyguineapigs · 14/01/2018 09:35

Oh I didnt read it properly either! A few week of talking to someone on a half hour or whatever tube journey, no way would I be telling them everything about me. They would be superficial at best about my hobbies etc. Nothing personal! He probably fancies you in a 'If I was single, Id go for it' way, but hes not and he hasnt. And he doesnt fancy you enough to throw away his girlfriend for some girl he chats to on the train!

NameChange30 · 14/01/2018 09:38

I disagree Bluntness. If it was “just chatting” and “just being nice” you would mention your significant other early on and not months down the line.

NotSureThisIsWhatIWant · 14/01/2018 09:39

Why did he keep the fact he has a g/f hidden for so long?

Most time I have seen this is because the guy is enjoying feeling attractive to other women even if he has no plans whatsoever on leaving the girlfriend/wife.

Don’t feel embarrassed, obviously he has noticed you are attracted to him and has decided to play with your feelings, and that is quite a bastardly thing to do.

Don’t think too much about, and sit away from him, next thing he will be saying he doesn’t want to go ahead with the wedding and other Patty stories to keep you interested and probably have a fling with you. And this is where the bad thing happens: if you accept his advances, he will blame YOU and take no responsibility for hirting your feelings, as you knew he was committed to another woman.

Treat him as he deserves. Stop this nonsense now.

Angelf1sh · 14/01/2018 09:40

But it’s not months down the line Emma, they’ve only been having in depth chats since Christmas according to the op. That’s 3 weeks ago!

Bluedoglead · 14/01/2018 09:42

Op can you give us examples of what your “in-depth” conversations were about ?