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Original poster

Man I like announced out the blue he’s getting married

154 replies

Eskio · 14/01/2018 07:04

Hi, please help.. name changed for this as feel embarrassed.
Last August I met a guy and we see each other every day (we don't work together). I saw him first and thought he was gorgeous. There started to be eye contact, body language signs of attraction then gradually over the months between last summer and this Christmas we got talking and every day now we see each other and have these in depth conversations and have really got to know each other. I’m crazy about him and never met a man like him. Last week, he suddenly broke the news to me he’s getting married this year Confused wtf!! Never ever once in all the time we’ve been talking mentioned any girlfriend but told me so much about himself!! I’m confused and upset. Played it completely cool when he told me and forced a smile and said ‘ahh congratulations’.
Why did he not mention a g/f before... then suddenly dropped this bombshell. He doesnt seem happy or excited about it. Just says how he wished he’d been single longer and how his life is boring and he never goes out or does anything!! There is such a huge spark of chemistry between us I feel so gutted I’ve met someone like him then to be told this Sad

Wwyd.........

OP posts:
Bluedoglead · 14/01/2018 07:38

You’ve talked to a bloke on the train and nothing happened in 6 months. He didn’t ask you out or take it further.

Sorry but if he was keen he had his chance to ask you out -he’s not that in to you and I suspect you’ve read too much into friendly chat to pass the time.

Sorry though.

Original poster
Eskio · 14/01/2018 07:38

No its ok i came on here for honest opinions. I need to hear them 👍🏻 Im not a homewrecker or a fallback girl. Just dont know why he wasnt fucking honest to begin with. I know so much about him can’t believe he’s hid that. Envy

OP posts:
BillywilliamV · 14/01/2018 07:39

To him it’s been a bit of a game, he’s now realised it’s got a bit serious so he’s calling a halt. Bit tough on you but best all round.

yawnyawnyawnyawn · 14/01/2018 07:39

I use to have a customer who came into my shop , he was friendly and we always chatted . I'm super friendly by nature and he asked me if I wanted to play badminton , I did because my husband doesn't play . Anyways I presumed he knew I was married but apparently he didn't . He got very cross with me when I agreed I did say that I was married just in case. He did obviously read my signs wrong so it does happen .

Original poster
Eskio · 14/01/2018 07:39

I just thought he was shy. Silly me Confused

OP posts:
Angelf1sh · 14/01/2018 07:41

I don’t think he hasn’t been honest though op. Unless he’s actively denied having a girlfriend. Not everybody reveals that kind of information to people they meet randomly. I certainly wouldn’t unless it was relevant to the conversation. Based on what you’ve said I think it’s more likely that you’ve made assumptions than he’s lied.

Bluedoglead · 14/01/2018 07:42

He’s realised you are reading more in to it than he intended and is telling you so that you don’t get more invested. He’s trying to let you down gently.

It’s not a relationship. It’s not someone you’ve been dating. It’s a man on a train you have chatted to.

InfiniteSheldon · 14/01/2018 07:44

What a knob of course it's bullshit he has had a year to finish with fiancee/gf and ask you out. He's not a passive victim (arranged marriage ffs). Next time he speaks to you say I am very upset we've either had a real connection which you've been fostering behind your fiancee's back or you've been playing me because you like the attention. Either way you are a coward. If you wish to speak to me again you'd best be single. Say it loud say it proud and say it in front of all those people who've been gossiping about your budding relationship on your commute. If this magical connection really exists he will man up finish with that poor girl and ask you out. If you still want him then go for it but otherwise cut him dead.

Bluedoglead · 14/01/2018 07:44

I commute every day. I talk to a lady and a man who I now travel with every day and we sit together.

I don’t specifically mention my partner because that’s not what we talk about. We talk about other stuff but I’d make a point to mention my partner if I thought the man was attracted to me.

Does that mean I’d have lied? Been horribly disrespectful to my partner? I really don’t think so.

iMatter · 14/01/2018 07:44

I'm an old cynic but be careful - he might have you in mind for his bit on the side

Bluntness100 · 14/01/2018 07:45

Don't get me wrong, I'm sure he likes uou and enjoys chatting to you. It's a great way to pass the time on a commute. But in the time you've chatted to Him, he's proposed to his partner.

I'm not sure he hid it as such, just simply he didn't mention it because he wasn't going to get romantically involved and it never came up. To him you're the girl on the train he chats to, that's all. I'm mind boggled someone would say he's treated you and his partner terribly. Like there's a law about talking to thr opposite sex and you need to declare relationships. Nuts.

I do think you're feelings are not his feelings. But as said, that doesn't mean he doesn't enjoy talking to you on the commute.

Angelf1sh · 14/01/2018 07:45

^ exactly bluedog it’s nothing of the sort

Bluntness100 · 14/01/2018 07:46

Ffs, don't do what infinite said, you'll look deranged.

daisychain01 · 14/01/2018 07:46

he obviously kept it completely hidden from the start then - bang

Anyone who's capable of playing a stunt like this would lose my respect. He was happy to play his little game because he knew there was no chance of you and his W2B coming into contact with each other. He would probably self-justify that he was doing nothing wrong, but to my mind it's lying by omission, if he deliberately evaded talking about her and led you to believe there was a chance of you and him becoming an item.

I'd move on very quickly saying how delighted you are and wishing him well for the future and maybe drop into the discussion how you're really excited about a romantic weekend planned with your gorgeous fella, opps oh silly me didn't I mention him...

lostinspaceyetagain · 14/01/2018 07:47

Haven't you ever talked about who he lives with? or what he did at the weekend?

Bluntness100 · 14/01/2018 07:47

I'm an old cynic but be careful - he might have you in mind for his bit on the side*

Another ffs. He'd have asked her out then over the last few months and reeled her in. He made no move on her.

Honest to god, I think some folks watch too much telly.

Bluedoglead · 14/01/2018 07:49

I don’t live with my partner. So I wouldn’t mention him in a who I live with convo. I’m also a single parent to girls at home and I live alone with them. I would NOT be advertising that on a fucking train.

If we talk about what we did at the weekend I might say went to the cinema took kids to blah but I wouldn’t necessarily make a point to say with John for eg.

Angelf1sh · 14/01/2018 07:51

There’s no evidence whatsoever to suggest he wants to have the op as a bit on the side, quite the opposite! If he’d wanted that then he’d have asked her out! He certainly wouldn’t have mentioned his wedding! He hasn’t asked her out. This connection she feels appears to me to be entirely one way.

I’m not judging you for that btw op, we’ve all been there.

Dancinggoat · 14/01/2018 07:54

The reason he didn't tell you about gf was because he was having an emotional affair with you. I expect he hasn't told his gf about you either.
The being unhappy part even though it sounded sincere may not be.
The fact he omitted to tell you about his relationship but appeared to talk in-depth about his life means he's not honest and that other things he said may not be true.

He's played you. It's horrid. It's going to take a while for you to come to terms with what he's done.

He will say he's done nothing. This is not true. Having emotional exclusive time with someone is as bad as the sex part of being unfaithful. Talking and sharing emotions and thoughts you wouldn't share with others is what a relationship is , the sex part is the act to express how you feel.

You need to go NC with him. Find a different carriage or bus. Remove yourself as the pain and yearning to see him will continue.

iMatter · 14/01/2018 07:54

That's my point Bluntness. He's told her about getting married so if she has a relationship with him now she knows what she's getting in to.

I worked with a guy who behaved liked this. Got really friendly with one of our colleagues, she was really overinvested in him and when he announced he was getting married she was gutted. He had a relationship with her which began just before he got married - she knew the score but was happy to take the scraps from his table. Wasted years of her life being his OW.

Slartybartfast · 14/01/2018 07:54
Sad move down a gear, you can be friends
Slartybartfast · 14/01/2018 07:55

but you really would have thought he would have mentioned a gf before now.

Bluntness100 · 14/01/2018 07:55

The reason he didn't tell you about gf was because he was having an emotional affair with you

An emotional affair? On the commute? No talking otherwise? No phone calls. No nothing. Emotional affair my arse. 🤣

Bluedoglead · 14/01/2018 07:57

Fuck. I’m not thinking I need to mention my partner on Monday.

I say things like “we went to the cinema” but I don’t specify who the we is.

It’s not an emotional affair, surely, unless he’s been telling her of all the difficulties in his relationship and leaning on the op for support and he hasn’t done that at all.

RandomUsernameHere · 14/01/2018 07:58

If does seem very odd that his relationship hasn't come up once in conversation after all this time...