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Original poster

Man I like announced out the blue he’s getting married

154 replies

Eskio · 14/01/2018 07:04

Hi, please help.. name changed for this as feel embarrassed.
Last August I met a guy and we see each other every day (we don't work together). I saw him first and thought he was gorgeous. There started to be eye contact, body language signs of attraction then gradually over the months between last summer and this Christmas we got talking and every day now we see each other and have these in depth conversations and have really got to know each other. I’m crazy about him and never met a man like him. Last week, he suddenly broke the news to me he’s getting married this year Confused wtf!! Never ever once in all the time we’ve been talking mentioned any girlfriend but told me so much about himself!! I’m confused and upset. Played it completely cool when he told me and forced a smile and said ‘ahh congratulations’.
Why did he not mention a g/f before... then suddenly dropped this bombshell. He doesnt seem happy or excited about it. Just says how he wished he’d been single longer and how his life is boring and he never goes out or does anything!! There is such a huge spark of chemistry between us I feel so gutted I’ve met someone like him then to be told this Sad

Wwyd.........

OP posts:
GameChanger01 · 14/01/2018 08:23

Honestly OP don't beat yourself up about this men have form for this it's called boosting ego
I suspect he has been flirtatious hence why you are attracted to him and I find it surprising that in 6 months nor one mention of a partner now wife to be!
The thing is as a woman if you like someone you need to find out pretty quickly if they are available though I admit not all will be honest .. in this case I suspect if you asked directly he would have told you as he never had any intention of asking you out anyway...
I suspect you were just his ego boost he needed just before he is about to become committed to one woman for life supposedly... I say supposedly because this type of man has form for a true reality shock about monogamy when they do get marriage... you then tend to find them on dating apps years down the line trying to meet women whilst actually being married purely for ego boosts

NameChange30 · 14/01/2018 08:23

God no don’t say that

AmberTopaz · 14/01/2018 08:24

I would be shocked too OP. Not if it had only been for a few weeks, but six months is different. I guess it was a kind of escapism for him?

Anyway, at least you know now.

Middleoftheroad · 14/01/2018 08:25

He doesnt seem happy or excited about it. Just says how he wished he’d been single longer and how his life is boring and he never goes out or does anything!

Be careful OP. It's usual for people who are in/want an affair to paint a picture of how boring/miserable their life is when the reality can be very different.

He's getting married and surely if it were that dull he wouldn't be getting wed.

NameChange30 · 14/01/2018 08:25

Cross posts. I was responding to this:

“At MOST, if you feel there is something genuine between you, you could say that you wished he were single.”

princesssparkle1 · 14/01/2018 08:28

I think you're just talking to a guy on the train and you've read more into it. If he was interested or wanted to have seen you he would have done so. I'm sorry.

This

KungFuEric · 14/01/2018 08:30

I think he's been comfortable to mislead you for the benefit of his ego.

I don't think I'd choose to spend my commute with him going forward.

Devilishpyjamas · 14/01/2018 08:30

It can’t have been that personal OP if it was on a train? Not from him point of view? I’m quite open so would say more ins train than many but I still have my boundaries!

It sounds as if you get on well & maybe he just assumed you were with someone in the way you assumed he wasn’t.

Devilishpyjamas · 14/01/2018 08:31

Oh fgs at my typos! Sorry. (Need varifocals!)

RainyApril · 14/01/2018 08:33

I think you have read too much into it. Didn't you wonder why, if he was interested in you, he hadn't made a move in six months? Now his relationship has either come up naturally, or he's shoehorned it in because he's worried that you've got the wrong impression about him. For all we know he's made the wedding up to get the loopy train woman to back off.

NameChange30 · 14/01/2018 08:35

“For all we know he's made the wedding up to get the loopy train woman to back off.”

Well that was nasty and unnecessary.
AIBU is that way >>>>

SummatFishyEre · 14/01/2018 08:35

Honest to god, I think some folks watch too much telly.

Or read too much mumsnet Grin honestly some of the responses on here are just silly, especially infinitesheldon's post. If you do dramatically declare he must be single next time he talks to you, come back and let us know how it goes

AvengingGerbil · 14/01/2018 08:35

Who on earth has in depth personal discussions on a commuter train/bus? Why? Just why? Be quiet, stop annoying everyone else in the carriage and read a book.

CoffeeBreakIn5 · 14/01/2018 08:38

Do you have any communication aside from the commute?

What sort of things has he told you?

BackInTheRoom · 14/01/2018 08:38

What @Thatsnotmybody said, nailed it.

WeAllHaveWings · 14/01/2018 08:41

How did he hide it for so long? Have you never had a conversation along the lines of what did you do at the weekend/who with? Who are you spending Christmas Day with? What are you doing at New Years, who is going?

If he has purposely been lying and leading you on, you need to step away from this guy especially as you seem so infatuated with him.

AuntieStella · 14/01/2018 08:44

He probably just thought you were a nice person tomchat to on the train.

You mention talking more over December. That's probably made the penny drop that you fancy him (didn't occur before because it simply didn't occur to him)l. At which point he made sure you knew he is unavailable, before you made a complete twit of yourself to him.

Stuff about 'wishing still single' is longstanding euphemism used with the aim of letting someone down gently. It only means 'yes, you are attractive and if I was single I might have asked you out' but because he isn't, he hasn't and he won't. Decent men don't cheat on fiancées, and if they realise that friendliness has been interpreted as something more, they do something about it.

I think it's bad for you to dwell on particular phrases though, nor give them great weight. You might be interpreting them incorrectly (as might everyone here, tbh) And it means your head is full of him. Don't give him any more of your time than you would any other friend.

Especially now you've had a reminder that whatever the superficial pleasure of the chats, you don't actually know him at all.

LostSight · 14/01/2018 08:46

I don’t know exactly what’s in his head, but I know if I spend any length of time speaking to a man who might potentially be interested in me, I mention my husband early on, precisely so he doesn’t get the wrong idea. It prevents awkwardness and ensures nobody gets hurt.

OP, you have my sympathies. This is a trap I could easily have fallen into when younger and unattached. His comments suggest he is fishing. Who says, in the first flush of about to get married that they’re bored and wish they’d been single longer?

Now imagine you’re his fiancee and you find out he’s said that to someone on a train. Just be glad you’re not her. He’s no prize and he’s just shown you that.

Up to you where you take this. Personally, I suspect I might cut the conversations and take a book or sit with someone else because if you like him, then further conversations might be painful.

Candyandpop · 14/01/2018 08:47

He was leading you on but you had no relationship with him. Just stay away from him. He hasn't nothing to offer you.

Bluedoglead · 14/01/2018 08:49

What did you do for Christmas and new year.

My dad was with me on Christmas Day and then we all went to auntie x for Boxing Day. My cousin is home for Christmas and it was great to see her. Did go out at new year I had the cold so I was in bed by 5 past 12.

Never mentioned partner, and yet it’s an accurate representation of what happened.

BikeRunSki · 14/01/2018 08:52

Maybe she’s not his girlfriend?
Accidental pregnancy? ONS/FWB situation?

NameChange30 · 14/01/2018 08:57

What LostSight said:
“Who says, in the first flush of about to get married that they’re bored and wish they’d been single longer?
Now imagine you’re his fiancee and you find out he’s said that to someone on a train. Just be glad you’re not her. He’s no prize and he’s just shown you that.”

Some PPs are minimising it, but i think you can tell when someone is just being friendly in an innocent way and when someone is allowing a flirtation and emotional intimacy to start developing. Some people are accusing you of misinterpreting but I don’t think you did. He was leading you on and the honest thing to do would have been to mention her early on.

LIZS · 14/01/2018 08:59

Agree he has deliberately led you on. Time to move on. Feel sorry for his fiancee, I doubt his womanising will stop.

sarahjconnor · 14/01/2018 09:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NashvilleQueen · 14/01/2018 09:01

I understand that you’re really disappointed but I also agree with PP that I suspect you’ve read too much into it. If you’re anything like me you will have latched onto the words which support him being single and perhaps not asked questions which might ruin the excitement. Pls don’t tell him you’re upset or disappointed. Either be pleased for him and carry on your morning chats or find a reason to avoid him.

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