Just discovered OH is with someone else

[Fosterdog123]

Been together 12 years. Last 2 years have been tough - last 12 months particularly so but we were limping on. My gut instinct made me go digging. He is with a 20-something beautiful young woman. He's a walking fucking cliche. My knees are like jelly and I feel sick to the pit of my stomach. I want nothing more to do with him but I feel like I've been dropped into a surreal dream/nightmare. I have lost so much recently and this is the final blow.

He will crawl back to you be prepared. Mine did for year put me back just go nc.I waited a year because wanted family together. Has he done this before. Are u in your home or shared one?Im sure u are very beautiful inside and out. His brains in trousers.Pain unbearable for you hope u with friends

You are all so kind in responding and it honestly has really helped me to gather my strength. Remarkably, I already feel a lot stronger. Much like you George, it is actually making it easier that she's so young and beautiful. He's such a pathetic cliche that all my respect for him has evaporated in to thin air. Yes, she is lacking insight and wisdom but she's a young woman finding her way in the world and she could be anyone. I'm almost certain she won't know about me - he'll have just magically erased me out of his life but even if she did, I have no feelings for her. It's him who has lied, cheated and betrayed.

He won't crawl back. Knowing what he's like, I guarantee it.

Feeling less strong this morning. So up and down. Still a bit shaky with wobbly legs. When I think back over the last year, he started to change the narrative so much - said that it was me who was distant and backing off. I think he did it to such a degree that he convinced himself almost. I'm pretty sure that he believes I have met someone else. Not true of course and I was only ever distant in response to him pushing me away and in self-preservation but he doesn't see it like that.

Haven't heard a peep from him still and don't expect to. 12 years and then overnight, nothing. It's like he's suddenly dropped dead.

Its a terrible shock for you.Sure it feels like a bad dream,what a complete coward.Just get through hour at a timexxx

It’s an awful thing to happen to anyone and I can’t even imagine how upsetting it must feel after so long together. You’ll hear from him eventually as he can’t just stay quiet forever. Surely she’s just using him for money because why would a stunning young model want to date a man twice her age (regardless of how handsome he is) if it weren’t for his finances. I’m sure when she gets to her 30s and he’s in his late 50s the appeal will start to wane, especially if he’s a controlling, lying, cheating twat too.

What an absolute bloody pillock. If, as you say, he is a revered captain of industry, then it is absolutely cringe inducing for him to be fawning over some kind of InstaPrincess. Minor local celeb indeed. VOM.

Anyway, what's done is done OP. His betrayal is unforgiveable, but I do wonder if he has done you a favour. It sounds like the relationship was giving you very little joy, and you sound like a wonderful, feisty and inspiring woman, who frankly deserves better.

He isn't controlling. Certainly, on the surface, he's a catch. He's tall, dark and handsome, funny, intelligent, kind, witty, got charisma in buckerloads yada yada. He is also though incredibly complex and carrying a lot of demons and is a functioning alcoholic to boot. She won't notice this, as she'll be delighted to have a new boyfriend who can go out partying and drinking with her. He makes me sick and I'm so pissed off with this jelly legs feeling and pounding heart. I want it all to just fuck off.

He sounds like a narcisstic twat that you're well rid of.

Are you managing to eat and drink? That should help with jelly legs. The pounding heart sounds like you're still in the throes of a reptilian response, and with all of the shock and stress, your cortisol levels are going to be all over the place. Do you run? Can you go for a gentle jog or a brisk walk? Can you do some deep breathing exercises? Sounds trite, but these things will help you physically recover quickly, and then you can work on mental recovery.

She will age too op. Stay string.

*After being married 12 years I came home one day to find my husband had simply packed up and left. Whilst of course it was painful and a terrible shock in time I rebuilt my life with gusto and determination - looking back I feel he probably did me a favour as he was clearly unhappy and would have no doubt draged me down at some point had he stayed.

Many many years have passed and on the grapevine I have heard he has been married three times to date! I don't think that sort of man ever truly find happiness because they don't know what they are looking for or where to look. Did he ever get in touch again-yes 28 years later in between marriages and after one of his wife's had just left him! *

Wishing you the fastest route to peace of mind, it will come, for me that only happened when I was truly able to accept he no longer career or wanted to be with me. It was a painful truth, hard to face but the only way for me to move forward at the time. Wishing you the courage to accept.

My appetite is creeping back (sadly, as it's a very effective weight loss aid!!) and so yes, I am eating. I don't run but I do do a physical sport every day that gives me some momentary mental peace.

I know he doesn't want me anymore but I just wish he'd had the courage to break it off with me first. He's been texting me and being his normal self and discussing mini-breaks and days out etc whilst he was with her. He's one sick fuck.

Sadly men like him don't have courage, they never seem to care who they hurt.

So even though u know is he acting like nothing has happened and u will just roll over and be ok.Arrogant prick .He does know you have seen their photos ?
Chumplady is a very good website he is obviously a complete narcissist. Are u in seperate houses?Block the wanker how dare he.Stay strong xxx

He knows I know but he doesn't know exactly what I know or have seen. He won't want any confrontation (not that I'd waste my breath) and I haven't responded to him AT ALL and knowing him as I do, he will simply never contact me again (pride, stubbornness, an ability to cut emotions off). It's the weirdest feeling. 12 years and then just absolutely nothing. We don't live together, so we need never clap eyes on each other again, which is exactly as I want it.

He's not acting as if I'll just roll over. He knows I won't. Plus, he's clearly too caught up with lust and desire to give a shiney shite about what impact it's had on me.

He's fucking posting all over social media of the glamorous places he's going to. He's fucking well stuck a knife straight into me and knows what an absolute cunt he's been and yet he's sitting there, happy as Larry like a dog with 2 dicks having a whale of a time. The fucking cunt. I fucking hate him.

You really do need to stop the social media thing OP. Trust me, I know how hard that is and it took me a long time to follow my own advice, but it is really not healthy

I know I know. It is indeed self harm. The churning stomach was beginning to calm slightly and now it's back to square one and I feel like shit.

If he can go ghost after 12 yrs he has real issues.
He sounds very shallow and yy to the young blond being easier. If it were a fat 40 yr old (like me)...it would be worse.
What I hate however is the insinuation that her beauty means shes thick/shalliw/not as good as you. Not your view op but some of the posts. It is what it is
Youve lost an alcoholic who was never your friend. Move on when you are able and have a hug xx

I do honestly appreciate how hard it is so I truly do sympathise

You can get apps which will block sites on all your devices for a set amount of time if you need some help doing it. Even if you only block them for a few hours it'll be a few hours peace

Fosterdog, if you're on FB, look up Katarina Phang High Value Goddess Community. Add yourself to this group! The support there is amazing!!

Eugh - he's vile ripping your heart out and literally tossing it aside. Hardly believable - and so awful for you. You however do not deserve that in any Way shape or form and I can't begin to imagine how used / abused / violated / angry / upset / mixed you feel. How are you tonight

I've just had a 30 minute rant down the phone with a friend, who wants to mow him down, so that's helped to release the pressure a bit.

I am truly grateful for the support here too. You have all been amazing and thank you for taking the time to post.

I would never be vile about her. She's done nothing wrong. I bet she's lovely and interesting and fun and she may even be a rocket scientist as well as a podium dancer for all I know!

I'm sorry to hear what you're going through.

I hope when the dust settles you might be able to show some forgiveness. If a man is as successful and good looking as your OH, multiple temptations will always be there. Nobody is immune to it. If this is the first indiscretion in 12 years then think of the 12 years of loyalty rather than few months of infidelity.

I think this sort of situation is best resolved by dialogue. Sit down, talk to him, and get his side of the story. Work out where you go next. Anger is understandable now but won't help in the long run.

Best of luck hun x