Just discovered OH is with someone else

[Fosterdog123]

Been together 12 years. Last 2 years have been tough - last 12 months particularly so but we were limping on. My gut instinct made me go digging. He is with a 20-something beautiful young woman. He's a walking fucking cliche. My knees are like jelly and I feel sick to the pit of my stomach. I want nothing more to do with him but I feel like I've been dropped into a surreal dream/nightmare. I have lost so much recently and this is the final blow.

he has money, looks, charm and a lovely young lover to keep him going, so he'll be ok I think!

Money - can be lost overnight, and yes it buys comfort but doesn't buy happiness, self contentedness, inner peace etc etc

Looks - can be lost overnight, mean nothing deep or meaningful and he'll age like everyone eventually

Charm - anyone can act charming.

Lovely young lover - will age, might not be so lovely on the inside, there is no way of knowing what their relationship is actually like. Might be awful!

Honestly op shallow shit like money and looks mean nothing at the end of the day. Some of the happiest people on the planet have nothing and look how many "successful, rich" people etc are miserable!

That said feel free to give yourself time to grieve and indulge in self pity. Get it out your system! :) all the best

We ARE on our own and it's a very sobering thought and makes me feel like I'm looking into an abyss

foster, from someone who has lived entirely alone from 23 - 31 with no family who cared at all .... Actually, things can change. Time goes on, people change, you change. I think that after you've lost parents and partner and friends, you become much more self reliant. But in the end you can find people who you overlap with and can share interests with, even at a deep level.

It's the grieving time now, loss heaped on loss. Things will slowly change. You are never quite the same, you lose some laughter, but life goes on and you can shape good things.

SeaEagleFeather you are so right. This is the next chapter and OP has so much of her life ahead of her. Who knows what will be around the corner. I guess that’s what my last post was getting at - things change no matter if you drive it or it drives you. I don’t think this feeling of loneliness will last forever. I think OP has good things ahead of her.

Men age very rapidly once they hit 50 IME so let's hope he hangs onto his money!

Name - veggie korma with egg fried rice?! poppadoms to start with the full chutney tray?!

Yep. X2 and let's add a bit more please.

I was just thinking about your situation. You really are just stuck with going through a grief process. Gradually bit by bit things will get better. You have had an awful lot of loss to cope with alone and your life is now nothing like the shape it was.

I spent a long time trying to grasp just how my then H was doing the awful things he was. How could I have misjudged him so badly? how could I ever have trusted him? Have children with him? looking back I was in shock for a while and trying to process it all. Whenever I had pangs of what we had and the lovely future that had vanished for me and DCs I just counted my blessings I was free of him. His new younger model had some shocks in store for her down the line (poor thing- no one deserves him with his charming deceitful ways).

It also just struck me that really your EX sounds as though he doesn't like 'personal responsibility' good at it at work but as soon as you hit a tough patch with your parents where you should have been able to depend on him, he didn't want to focus on you. What a wanker at the time you most needed him.

Thank God you haven't had the nightmare of a divorce to go through with him as well.

You really are well rid, you can't spend a life with someone so self centred. That is the main blessing to count just now.

(I know it's early).

mmmm curry! One of the good things in life.

Someone who can write like this when so sad still has currency.

I'm so sorry that you have lost what you thought he was.

You deserve the real thing.

In the meantime I wish you curry - good music - good books and good friends.

Fosterdog, I rarely comment on threads, but I truly hope to be half the woman you are one day.

Your actions throughout this have been.... well, suffice to say I am in awe (bit tipsy, burying a loved one tomorrow so Dutch courage and all of that)

I have reread your thread many times (being in a similar position) and you give me strength to handle it well. Thank you.

May you enjoy many curries with many lovely humans!

Hi Fosterdog - I was wondering about you and how everything is going for you now? Hopefully you had a good Christmas and can begin the new year with a fresh start x