Just discovered OH is with someone else

[Fosterdog123]

Been together 12 years. Last 2 years have been tough - last 12 months particularly so but we were limping on. My gut instinct made me go digging. He is with a 20-something beautiful young woman. He's a walking fucking cliche. My knees are like jelly and I feel sick to the pit of my stomach. I want nothing more to do with him but I feel like I've been dropped into a surreal dream/nightmare. I have lost so much recently and this is the final blow.

Bloody awful for you he probably is looking for a reaction from you narcissists hate being ignored stay strong

Oh yes, that was so for you to see and react to

As you say he ought to be in the first flush of passion. Instead he's doing the equivalent of boudoir shots ffs 😡😁. Glad you've blocked him Foster but I can imagine how hard it was.

Horrible man posting a selfie for you to see "look what you are missing", wanting a reaction from you, he does not like being ignored.

Must be very hard but well done you on blocking.

You are the one in control and he is trying to take that from you.

Best idea to block - well done.

Glad things are brighter with friends, just a shit phase. Look forwards now 🍷

That is without a doubt, for your benefit. Take comfort knowing that he’s having to resort to these types of things to try and cling to the hope you’ll talk to him.

Another thing to remember is that it probably took him hours to get ‘just’ the right photo - and he’s probably stood infront of a poster of said location to try and make it look like he’s away somewhere you’d like. I wouldn’t mind betting it may be somewhere you’ve mentioned you’d like to go. He’s getting v sad and v desperate now, bless his little cottons

Quite telling how he hasn't posted a pic with him & her , clearly for your benefit , you were right too block OP.

Also that rambling text he sent you accusing you of ignoring him, he's just trying to get you to engage with him again. I would ignore any other attempts at trying to reel you in .

Hope you're doing well OP xx

Ugh, what a tit.

As others have said he did that just so you would see it and react. Don’t rise to it. Be sad and angry but don’t let him know. Look at how pathetic he is, he’s not man enough to own what he’s done and instead is posting photos trying to prise a response from you. He’s a dick.

His new popsy obviously isn't great company. Stupid man.

Not just the camera buttons he’s trying to push is it ? I’ve put a rather impressive pin in the nether regions of my universal voodoo doll that I keep for special events. I’ve got or : drinkers choice!

I have just read this, firstly OP I have to admire the beauty of your self composure and grace under pressure. If I had even 10% of these qualities I would be happy, except I've been called a force of nature, with a red mist descending when it comes to my emotions. I just want to put a slightly different perspective on something that seems to be overlooked.

This man, by the sound of it is at the pinnacle of his career, and when your in this position, you do need a sounding board, this other person is integral to your daily working life. Before any major decision is made, it is always prudent to discuss this with someone who understands your work and can counter your reasoning, objectively and give an unbiased opinion. They are your counsel, in actual fact they are your rock.

This new girl may be 'stunning' as you describe her, but I cannot imagine she could not comprehend for one second or she has one iota of what his work involves or can offer any constructive advice to offer him regarding his working world. The sparkly shine will soon tarnish on a relationship made purely on the grounds of attraction.

This man is not stupid he will realise this, and I believe it has already dawned on him these facts as outlined above.

Reality will hit home sooner than you think, so be prepared for him contacting you at some point.

You will keep beautiful dignity intact, and this man will realise he's made a terrible mistake. What happens then is down to you both.

I knew his work inside out. I knew the pressures, the politics, the stresses, the isolation and loneliness, the highs and lows. I advised him, I challenged him, I gave him perspective and different ways of looking at stuff. He trusted me implicitly and respected me more than anyone. His new girlfriend may well be super bright. Just because she presents a one-dimensional view of herself on-line doesn't mean she's stupid. It's clearly very lucrative for her but for all I know, she's a business hotshot with the mind of a trap. However, even if she's not, there are hundreds behind her who will tick every box for him. I honestly want nothing more to do with him. He makes me sick. My skin crawls at the thought of him. His deceit and lies and now this side of him that I've never seen before - the arrogance, the inability to take any responsibility, the refusal to apologise. I loathe him. I've moved on from being upset at seeing his latest photo. He's a pathetic shell of a man. It's over 2 months now since I discovered his dirty little secret. Can't believe how fast that time has gone by. I am definitely starting to feel stronger and whilst blocking him was hard, it's allowing me to move forwards without his shadow hanging over me.

How stunning you are Foster. I'm seriously impressed at your good self esteem (where did you get such sound self esteem?). It is standing you in good stead at this challenging time.

You are an inspiration.

Yes your self worth is high given what has just happened.

I have no idea really. It's like a gate in my mind has slammed shut. My self esteem is pretty healthy. I've had the benefit of fabulous parents who gave me a great life and loved me unconditionally. I've had a great career, great relationships and have been incredibly lucky in many ways. I'm fucked if a man is going to bring me down.

I also cared for 2 very ill parents for many years and witnessed their traumatic deaths. Nothing on earth has the ability to really hurt me like losing my mum and dad did. Anything else is a walk in the park in comparison quite frankly.

You are probably the biggest loss besides his immediate family he is ever going to have. For all the trappings of wealth and success in his career, he will realise this world is a very lonely place sometimes.

He is a plonker, and deep down he knows it.

I was going to say he's cut himself off from the mother ship. (not very flattering, I admit, but you must have been the ballast in his life in every way)

I can't imagine how powerful it must be to have someone so healthy and sound invested in ones life. And he's forfeited that.

What a fucking idiot.

Just want to say I think you are bloody amazing.

So wonderful to hear you now Foster; strong and resolute ! Adding to your chorus of fangirls here too

Nothing to add, except to say that you sound utterly great and if you were my friend, I'd never be off your doorstep with curries and chocolate.

iTonya - if you're bringing curry and chocolate, you're welcome every day of the week!!

You sound like a great friend to me!

Reading this makes it clear that he has 'lost' so much. Like everyone else here I am full of admiration for you and just really sorry that you are having to go through this undeserved pain.

Do you think that the fact he has taken her to the places he was happy with you suggests that he is somehow trying to recapture your past together and his'youth'?

It won't work. That story is done - and it wasn't about the scenery or the age of his companion... he probably sees that now. What a sad sad fool.

He isn't even being original. What happens next for him is a well-trodden trail.

I think your future is the 'story' that will be the interesting one.
There is nothing cliched about your response to OW nor to his betrayal. You sound so much more than him.

I’m jealous, I want to come for curry and chocolate! X

Me too!!

May not be helpful but I see in your XP's response to the situation a number of sociopathic behaviours. I have a vSTBXH one of those. Even though it's all his own fault my H still comes to me to moan about his sad life.