I am the OW and in love but am I being used.

[Toomanylipbalms]

I have got myself into a situation where I am the OW. He is married, lives up north and we see each other when he comes to Ldn for work about once a week. He says his marriage is more like two flatmates than husband and wife and that they are in separate bedrooms and not having sex. He has two kids under 12. He’s recently got a new job where he will be in London for a few months but then the contract is home based so not sure what will happen. He says it will make it easier to start the separation and not be so bad for the kids. Im not sure if he will actually do it, he says he is scared of losing me and scared I will lose patience with him. Is he having his cake and eating it? My sister is the only person who knows about him and she says he is as it’s unlikely he will be able to afford to get divorced and live down south since his kids are still young, surely he must know that?

A cheater isn’t always a liar. Plenty of people fess up right after it happens and are throughly disgusted by themselves.

It seems some people have a very black and white view of people who cheat and particularly men who cheat. Sad.

This one has lied to his DW, and very likely to OP and has not “fessed up”.

A cheater isn’t always a liar. Plenty of people fess up right after it happens and are throughly disgusted by themselves.

^^ really? Not in my experience.

I know plenty of people who have been hurt by affairs and also some who have had affairs. I don't know one person who immediately upon DTD went home and confessed.

Having an affair almost always means making things up to make excuses for being out of the family home whilst conducting the affair. Out with friends, working late, working away etc etc. That's lying.

Then, there are the lies that come when the faithful partner starts to notice a change in behaviour. I'm just tired, work stresses, whatever.

Then when the suspicion starts, usually there is a whole barrage of lies to counter the spouses questions.

Never, ever have a heard of a spouse cheating then telling immediately.

And of course cheaters can equally be women.

@OrionsGirl

With respect, I kind of guessed that you didn't hear it from the wife...

ImpeachTheOrangeGibbon just because you haven’t heard of it doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen.

And I’m not saying this in relation to this instance, I just hate all encompassing, sweeping statements. I have never, and actually never, come across a one box fits all when it comes to human nature.

"I just hate all-encompassing , sweeping statements".
What a glorious example of an all-encompassing, sweeping statement.
It just caught my eye. Haven't rtft.

Lol I meant with human nature but I understand the irony of my post. Having been subjected to prejudice throughout my life and those around me tarred with it too I think it’s important to judge individual cases as that. Sure you can say what can happen, what’s common or your experience of situations but it doesn’t mean that’s the only possibility, verbatim.

Can I just say thank you for this thread, I was the OW, but this thread has been a huge huge wake up call. Lots of truths I needed to hear to finally stop the awful deceit before it went on. I am disgusted with myself.

@IAmSoFree well done for stopping being OW. I hope you are OK, that could not have been easy for you.

Thank you skippykips yes a hard decision, but the right decision

@IAmSoFree

As a betrayed spouse, good for you.