@Bibbidee I bought that book after my DHs affair 
@youspinmerightround ... My DC were very traumatised when my DH left - to the point where i have a child that vomited for a 24 hour period through sheer distress. Nothing will erase that memory but what i do know is that 4 years on i have 2 incredibly happy children well adjusted children.
Staying with someone after an affair often raises eyebrows because so many other women cant cope with the thought that another woman can work through infidelity and move forward with the same partner. It seems to go ahead peoples ideas of empowerment and strength.
What i can tell you is that what is truly empowering and courageous is making a decision that is right for you - either way.
I forgave my DH and we are still together - I am happy , do not regret that decision for a moment and i know that by heck he knows he is a very lucky man.
What i went through because of him at the time felt as though he had destroyed everything that was sacred to me. I lost a stupid amount of weight and also i am no stranger to loss it was the worst bereavement of my life.
But in my heart i knew that i loved him - I understood where the marriage had gone wrong to be able to understand how we had got in the mess that we had .
Convincing my family of that was understandably a totally different thing and they were initially very angry with my decision to allow him to move back in .
I was very boundaried with him and actually didnt allow him to move back in for a good while .
Such was the depth of the impact upon myself and the DC that i needed him to see that life could not resume as normal.
For a good 6 months i was an anxious wreck - an emotional wreck veering between anger and sadness that i would never be one of those women whose partners had been totally loyal .
And i was very firm with him that he had to be prepared to weather that storm with me and to be prepared that our sex life would take a long time to recover.
With time i gradually felt easier and while i do have wobbles every now and then , I do trust him - it has been worth it and i feel more confident and empowered than ever- because it was my decision to allow him back and on my terms . I didnt bury my head in the sand - i didnt ignore my instincts and like me you have been brave enough to tackle him head on about it .
Whatever you decide , make sure you are making the right decision for you , because i know if i had listened to everyone around me i would not be together with my husband in a happy marriage.
This will get better . Keep getting through one day at a time to the point where your head hits the pillow at night and get up the next morning and do the same.
Thinking of you ... my thought for you today is "I am woman - hear me roar".