Dh has been having an affair. He get a home in an hour. Please keep me calm.

[youspinmerightround]

Found emails and a receipt for flowers. The emails are just Facebook messenger notifications so I can't read what they say but he's addressed the flowers to "my love".

I'm in with the 3 dc. I'm going to be sick.

OP I’m so sorry you are going through all this.

I see you are back to uni on Monday . Please email your tutor today and tell her that your husband has left you and the kids. They will be very VERY supportive I promise you, as will your fellow students.

You don’t need to give anyone the details but your tutor needs to know so the uni can cut you some slack if necessary . It’s best to tell them now rather than it come out later if you are struggling a bit ( and most people would in your circumstances ).

No one will blame you. Everyone has either been there themselves or it happened to their sister / brother / best friend. They will want to help, just like everyone on this thread .

Just checking back in to say I hope you got a bit of rest. I hope you’ve had the strength to reach out to someone who can support you, and I hope your DC are okay.

I also hope that you’ll turn a little corner today and start to get angry. I was just a snotty shaky teary mess to start with, but when I found that anger inside for what he’d done, what he’d jeopardised and then spoilt, for the memories he’d ruined that I couldn’t get back, I was bloody furious. And then things started getting better. I was still sad, I still cried, but the anger got me strong and I really needed to do that.

Look at all the people on here willing you on to be okay. It’s MN at its best. I really hope you can pull a tiny bit of strength from that.

Let us know how you are

Agree with @Alabasterangel6 ... i look after student nurses in my job and my student last year encountered what you are going through while on placement with us.
Poor girl was still breast feeding her baby. She found out the night before and came in for an early at 7am , sat literally wailing with heartache

We arranged some compassionate leave for her - talk to uni and any placement managers if you are on placement and tell them what you need.

My student finished her course and started a job in September... she looks fabulous and is loving life with her child.

You can do this OP. One day at a time 💐

Sorry i meant @ALLIS0N

I'm 9 months further down the road than you. My DH had an EA with a good friend in March 2017 which i found out about quite quickly and was able to stop before it went further.
DH and i went through months of arguments and paranoia from my side. He was masively sorry and 100% transparent with his phone / social media but i couldn't move past it and kept taking us back to the heartbreak and deception.
We eventually took some time out but thankfully decided to get back together in December.
Its very early days but i genuinely feel we have now turned a corner.
He is sorry and does value the marriage we have and realises how he could have lost it all.
I accept what happened and know i have to forgive in order to move on and be with my DH who i love very much.
It may not be plain sailing going forward and i dont know what the future golds but i really hope we will fix our marriage. It wont be the same as it was, but maybe thats a good thing as clearly things were not right.
If your dh genuinely didnt dtd and if you can move on from knowing he got emotionally close to someone other than you, there may be a chance
I wish you well x

Stay strong OP

op, above all else, do whats right for you

I've been there too OP. Not only did I find out my husband had lied to me throughout our.entire relationship- worked away was doing drugs and prostitutes- I came across it all when he was having and EA with a girl he worked with (found all the messages at once). Never had I had cause to doubt him except I had just had our 2nd child and things weren't 'right'. We separated after an awful 6 months and worked on our relationship from there. We are now 3 years down the line and although it took 2 of them to completely tell the truth and work on everything I truly believe he has realised what an enormous twat he was . We had couples counselling etc. Don't get me wrong it will never be the same again but we are stronger than ever and have acrually started properly communicating now. Take it slowly and allow yourself time to grieve for the relationship you've lost. I couldn't see away back but I missed him and he me. We had children too and I wanted to work on it. for you x

Bless her i hope shes ok

Will be around tonight if you want to chat OP.

Try and keep cool and collect evidence, he can’t back out with an excuse if you can collect more stuff, anyone you know that can find out online stuff??

Hi everyone sorry for the radio silence it's been a mad few days. Just thought I'd let you all know I'm still here and taking it a minute at a time. Feel you lot deserve updates you have all been so good to me..

Anyway I told my parents and his parents. My house was chok a block today with everyone coming to see me. Everyone was very supportive. Except my mum who was trying to be supportive but was really telling me what to do. She means well no one has my back more in this world than her, but she needs to calm down🙈🙈

What was your Mum saying? You have to bear in mind that whilst they might want the best for you, their idea of best isn’t always actually yours! Mine wanted me to forgive him & turn into some bloody stepford wife because she was sure that me not having his dinner on the table & doing his ironing was the cause of ‘any problems’ Yep, I’m sure ironing his shirts would have stopped him fucking his ex. 🙄

Hi there, good to see you.

Had he told his dad the truth? What are his parents saying?

So glad, but not surprised you've got so much support. He's royally fucked it amd you deserve so much better. Don't be afraid to tell people what you want/need even if is just for them to mind the chikdren while you have an hour long bath or whatever

Your mum will calm down. When I binned my H out for cheating my very, very mild mannered mum wanted to go to the OW workplace and tell her off in front of all the customers, she wanted to go up to his mother's house and give him a mouthful, her list went on and on. None of which she actually did, but I had never seen her that angry before!

You are her DC and he has hurt you - it's her mum-ness turned up to 11. He has hurt her DGC too, so she'll also be a bit shocked and stunned.

I'm glad people rallied round. You must be knackered. I didn't really sleep for the first few days either, then I suddenly slept deeply for 12 hours.

You will get there

His dad is absolutely livid with him. He said he can stay with him a few nights but that's it he won't be moving in. His dad and step mum came in today to see how I was. They're disgusted. My mum and friend were already here. My mum tidied up for me and my friend went and got me some shopping.

His mum hasn't really said much she phones to say to see how i was and said she would phone later but didn't. She's also said he can go stay with her.

Good for you for telling them and good for them for being supportive.

Set tasks for your mother to keep her occupied.

You’re doing brilliantly YouSpin. I know it doesn’t seem like it, but by god does it take balls to tell everyone like that. And I’m bloody glad you did, because look at the support it’s got you.

How are you feeling now?

Please don’t be surprised if you collapse a bit when the adrenaline stops. It’s ok if you do xx

I feel a bit better tonight. I went in a quick shower but I didn't wash my hair. I've put on fresh underwear and pjs.

I also made some toast and managed to eat half of it.

I also managed to fall asleep on the couch this after noon for about 2 hours.

Have you spoken to h at all?

Yes but we are just going round in circles. I want to keep screaming my head off at him going over and over it but im fsr too angry still to listen to a word he has to say.

He is back at work tomorrow so we have agreed he can come over to talk on his first day off next week.

Can you have someone there when he comes? You need support. If he doesn't like it, hard luck.