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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Dh has been having an affair. He get a home in an hour. Please keep me calm.

943 replies

youspinmerightround · 04/01/2018 21:12

Found emails and a receipt for flowers. The emails are just Facebook messenger notifications so I can't read what they say but he's addressed the flowers to "my love".

I'm in with the 3 dc. I'm going to be sick.

OP posts:
hellsbellsmelons · 07/01/2018 13:30

You may need to go to the 'toilet' every now and then when back at uni.
If you need to have a cry then do just that.
I'm so pleased you got some support around you.
That's the best thing you can do.
You'll cope because you are far stronger than you think you are!!!!

Ledkr · 07/01/2018 13:43

Op I was about to embark on some training when it happened to me.
My immediate thought was to not do it but then a colleague reminded me that I'd need the extra income if I was raising 4 kids alone so I did it and it was a distraction..
I was also working in a really tough field (Young offenders) but found work a massive distraction and even the most high end kids noticed I wasn't myself and were really sweet, making me tea and telling the other kids to be good lol!

MiddleClassProblem · 07/01/2018 13:50

Hopefully class will be a distraction. If you feel your brain getting sidetracked, deep breath and focus back on the class. Fingers crossed it works.

Re families stick together, someone I knows SIL stick by her. She still saw her brother but it was more formal and out of duty. With her exSIL they chatted regularly and met up etc. We’re not 15 years on and they’re still close.

Original poster
youspinmerightround · 07/01/2018 16:31

I'm starting to feel the effects of not eating. I have that sore sick feeling in my stomach. I forced a cookie down there but I think I'm going to throw it back up.

OP posts:
GreatDuckCookery6211 · 07/01/2018 16:39

Just try little bits OP. Half a banana, glass of fresh orange, a boiled egg and toast if you can face it, biscuits, chocolate. Anything.

ImpeachTheOrangeGibbon · 07/01/2018 16:55

I got by on sweet coffee and bananas. Keep trying to eat - even little bits wil help.

How are your children? Xx

Original poster
youspinmerightround · 07/01/2018 16:56

They are fine I've made up excuses why dh hasn't been in at night or here in the mornings. They seem to be buying it

OP posts:
HappyHedgehog247 · 07/01/2018 17:00

Thinking of you. Can you get soup or high calorie drinks down you - hot chocolate? xx

ImpeachTheOrangeGibbon · 07/01/2018 17:09

You are doing great. Hugs xx

Amaz24 · 07/01/2018 17:15

Managing to eat anything is good so we'll done. I'm a month in and I'm now managing 1 meal! So that's a start! Your doing great remember that. Hour by hour day by day is what I'm telling myself. I broke down this morning but after that me and little one have had a good day. Xxx it's hard I'm not going to lie and I've never felt pain like it. I can't see forward at the min but posts here telling me it gets better helps. Unfortunately from people in the same position at some point xxx

MiddleClassProblem · 07/01/2018 17:49

Or even just sip some milk (pref full fat). Any drink with some calories in. Don’t feel you have to sit there and drink it. Just a sip here and there.

katseyes7 · 07/01/2018 18:07

OP, you're doing fantastically well. Make sure you tell them at uni what's going on, they will cut you some slack and make provisions. All l will say is please look after yourself - your kids need you, and if you're running on empty, you can't give them what they need. Let your friends/family help as much as they can, l'm sure you've been there for them, and if not, you never know when they'll need you in the future. Please give your kids a hug for me, and be kind to yourself - none of this is your fault, and you deserve better. Be brave hugs xxx

Thebluedog · 07/01/2018 18:16

Can you eat some yogurt or drink some milk? Anything to get your digestive system working again OP

MrsMozart · 07/01/2018 18:25

Glad you have some RL support lass.

Eat anything even if it's junk type, so long as you get something inside you.

BewareOfDragons · 07/01/2018 18:50

I'm glad you have some support in RL.

I'm not surprised, sadly, you haven't heard from some of his family members. And of course his mum will let him stay with her; didn't she do the same thing to his family when he was a child? So much for learning from your mistakes and hurting her grandchildren. Angry

Take care of yourself, OP. Your children are lucky to have you. x

pollythedolly · 07/01/2018 20:09

My biggest fear is bursting into tears in the middle of the class.

Don't fear that. I have broken down in public more than once....I'm sure most of us have. People won't judge you. You are going through so much and coping incredibly well but please try and eat something or drink some milk.

frasier · 07/01/2018 20:15

If your stomach is acidy through stress, eat food that is very easy to digest (think baby food - pureed apple, yoghurt, rice pudding). You don't want to get stomach problems through stress.

Another day down. You are a star.

ssd · 07/01/2018 20:26

have a word with your lecturers, let them know if you are going to burst into tears in the class, you'll excuse yourself and pop out to the loo's

it will be hard, but you can do it

believe in yourself and be kid to yourself

most if not all people will sympathise and cut you some slack until such times as you are more on top of things, however long that may take you

Thanks
ssd · 07/01/2018 20:27

kind not kid

ssd · 07/01/2018 20:28

and you'll eat when you're ready

Ledkr · 07/01/2018 20:49

My ex sil is one of my best friends 13 years later.

AcrossthePond55 · 07/01/2018 21:08

Remember that your schooling will be more important than ever. I know it will be hard, but remember that it's your future you need to focus on now.

I think if you can arrange for counseling it will help you get through your course. You'd be able to 'stuff your feelings down' knowing that you had your counseling appointment waiting there for you to vent and cry. I had to see my ex every day after he dumped me because we worked in the same office. My counseling appointment got me through the week with my sanity intact!

Does your school offer counseling?

Lalliella · 07/01/2018 23:45

My ex SIL (DH’s DB’s exW) is one of my closest friends and I love her dearly. We’ve maintained a very close friendship despite she and BIL having split for 8 years. It can be done. Friendship is important, you shouldn’t lose those people just because your H has been an idiot.

ALLIS0N · 07/01/2018 23:56

Most universities have a student counselling / support / advice service. Please contact them and make an appointment as well as talking to your tutor.

You are doing really well asking your family for support too.

Mix56 · 08/01/2018 08:15

Remember as pointed out, that eating will provide the strength you need, it's the first thing in a chain; to be there for your DC, & maintain the anger required to move forward, & complete if possible your course, (please see the people who could defer or help in any way. it is not a weakness or failure, & they will understand) ultimately you will be able to get a better job, with a bigger salary & your life will be improved.
Find the inner Goddess in you. You are strong, better than that cheating piece of shit. You can do this.