Dh has been having an affair. He get a home in an hour. Please keep me calm.

[youspinmerightround]

Found emails and a receipt for flowers. The emails are just Facebook messenger notifications so I can't read what they say but he's addressed the flowers to "my love".

I'm in with the 3 dc. I'm going to be sick.

Hey you, I have had two close friends go through affairs last year - different circumstances and both worked through it and found deep rooted issues with their marriage that they worked on and they have stayed together..it is not easy at all and not for everyone

One thing I did when my very close family member got caught out (shocked us all - think 4 years double life) was google 'been caught having an affair' and found a website that helped me understand why cheaters do what they do and what their natural instincts be..conditional by the lies etc I tried to see it from the other side ...you've had a ton of help on here from people with great advice..

Be good to yourself - we're all here for you x

OP I'm so relieved you are getting rl support, even if your DM could be going about it a bit more nicely! Disappointing his DM isn't giving the sort of support she should be, maybe she doesn't want to be accused of hypocrisy given her own history.

oh OP, I am so sorry this has happened to you. I caught my ex having an emotional affair at the very least (they both claimed they never met up in person but I don't know if I believe that) with someone he went to school with in January 2015. It was heartbreaking and extremely hard at first but now, on new years I got engaged to the most wonderful man and we are getting married next year so there are happy endings.

Sorry for going on a tangent OP but can you remember which site that was loveablether? I'd be interested in having a look at it.

You must be completely exhausted.

But it's great that you told people. I hope you are holding your head up high.

When you talk to H, maybe make a list of questions and read from it. Have a pen in your hand and take notes, or 'notes' as he speaks.

AnnieAnoniMouse - that's how my MIL reacted. Maybe if l continue to cook his dinners and do his laundry then he might want to stay.... Funnily enough I was doing that already but it didn't stop him straying.

My mum's observation was even better. She concluded that maybe if l hadn't pursued my hobby it would have all been fine. As l pointed out to her... my hobby that l do for half an hour midweek whilst he is at work didn't really interfere with our couple time. However his hobby that was everynight and half days at weekends did.. ..

So glad you have a support system and have managed to have a shower and sleep a little.

How are the kids? You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to.

WasDoingFine in this case his mum was a cheat too.

Can you have someone there when he comes? You need support. If he doesn't like it, hard luck

I don't think this is a good idea. They are married with three kids, they need an open and honest discussion and that's best without a third party present.

So glad you managed to speak out, sounds like you have a great support system going on. 😀
Your DMs heart will be breaking for you, keep her busy, however small.
You're a strong woman, and you're handling this exceptionally well. You may even see him as the blithering fool that he is, when he comes round next week. Thinking of you and sending you love and continued strength. 🌺

I imagine his mum is really embarrassed(I certainly would be). By letting him stay, she can also keep an eye on him and saves him/your family the money for an hotel.

I’d just be worried that she might project her own justifications onto him...

Is he begging for forgiveness OP?

Personally if he isn’t, you need to start thinking ahead.
If he’s desperate for you back he’ll be more willing to play nice and be half decent about everything. But if he isn’t making much effort to remain with you, he won’t play very nicely for long.

I know it’s hard but if you haven’t got long left in your nursing degree please don’t put it off. I speak from experience I was my in my third year and was pregnant and was due to return but ex had ill health at the time and with baby in tow I left my course with only 6 month away from qualifying and when he got back on his feet and back to work after I cared for him he left me for ow who he had been messing around behind my back. If I had completed my degree that would have made our lives some what easier. If you do take time out please go back to it otherwise you’ll regret it. 💐

Fatherchewielouis it was called 'go ask suzie' was wondering why it didn't come up and saying not available - it's a shame as it was a really good website that my friend found helpful

Be prepared that his mum will make a token effort of support at the beginning but it wont last.
Her loyalties will be with her son

His sister hasn't contacted me at all 😳

I'm afraid families tend to stick together.

I never heard from my brother in law and nephew and nieces again, despite us having a good relationship. It's not nice, but try not to focus on that. In the scheme of things it isn't the most important thing.

Concentrate on you and your children and what you want to happen next.

dont be surprised if his family aren't all over you, at the end of the day he's their son or brother, they will be appalled at him but torn whether to disown him or try not to take sides

he's hurt more people than you, something like this will make shock waves all around

@youspinmerightround

I never heard from my SIL either. Tis life I'm afraid. Certainly makes you realise how cold the world is. I have a phrase:

'It's another first'

And as well as families sticking together, they can feel acute embarrassment at the behaviour of their family member and may just not know the best way to approach things. As previous poster says ripple effect. As for your sister in law, OP, although difficult when in a heightened emotional position, try not to take it personally. Hope you are as well as can be expected my dear xx

Don't be surprised or hurt if they don't contact you.

When I split with ex his entire family cut me off, apart from his mum and his grandma, and he had a large family (lots of aunts and uncles etc). He doesn't even see DS (and nor do they, apart from DM and DG). Similar situation but with added DV.

You'll get through this OP. Every minute, hour and day is closer to the time where you'll sit and realise that you're absolutely fine

I am quite literally all over the place. I never thought you could feel so many different emotions in one day. How do people cope with this? I need to go out today. Oldest has an activity. I am going to drop her then get some shopping. That will give me an idea of how I will cope at uni tomorrow. My biggest fear is bursting into tears in the middle of the class.

You cope because you have to! No one else is going to parachute in! If you breakdown in tears, so what? Your relationship has taken a battering and it would be weird if you didn't break wouldn't it?

Don't worry about the tears. People will be kind. Trust me. Xx

Oh op just imagine if someone else broke down in tears in class....what would you do?

You'd comfort them, show concern, offer support and talk about something else if the person said that was what they wanted.

I'm sure you've made friends on your course, they would be there for you if they knew you needed support. You're all training to be empathetic, compassionate caring professionals.

I've been where you are twice. I'm so sorry you are going through this. You won't believe this right now, but you are about to discover what a strong amazing woman you are. Yes it would be nice if your husband had been faithful and you didn't need to learn that, but sadly that's not the case. Just be reassured that as so many men have cheated, so many woman go on to live happy fulfilling lives, either single or as a couple.

You have a good future ahead of you, it's just different to the one you had envisioned. I wish you all the best in it.