Dh has been having an affair. He get a home in an hour. Please keep me calm.

[youspinmerightround]

Found emails and a receipt for flowers. The emails are just Facebook messenger notifications so I can't read what they say but he's addressed the flowers to "my love".

I'm in with the 3 dc. I'm going to be sick.

I wouldn't be able to keep it in. I'm so sorry I have no advice. I'd go mental at him

@youspinmerightround

Having been where you are, you're in deep shock. We're here for you. 💐

Just come straight out with it. Don't beat around.

'I've found messages and a receipt for flowers. What do you have to say for yourself?'

Would it be worth messaging him to not come home tonight?

I think you should just be very open and if you can calm.
Say you have found the receipt, seen the message on the flowers, seen the email notifications and you would like him to pay you the respect you are due and tell you everything, now, without lying.

I'm sorry your going through this. I found out 1 month ago my husband was having an affair( the girl posted a letter through my door telling me) and he didn't deny!!
No longer living together.
Be upfront and ask him. Get him to show you if he has nothing to hide.
How old are the children???
I know exactly how you feel Hun you are not alone xx

Darling I’m so sorry I know how you must be feeling. If you can’t hold it in then do as you feel is right. We will help you through it you are not on your own. It’s just a few of us have been through this and know if you can just keep out of the way go to bed in a dark room text him you have a migraine that Is making you vomit etc you have a chance to find out for sure. He will likely deny and delete and make you feel crazy for even suggesting it if you don’t. You know what you can manage though x

You can do this. The anticipation of him coming home is the worst bit. If you really want to confront then go with bifs idea above - I know all about it, get out, then silence.

Wait, if you can access his emails can you not change his Facebook password and read the messages?

If you click forgot password I’m sure they send a link to your email to change it? It doesn’t matter if he will get a notification telling him his password has been changed because you’ll already have seen what you needed to see.

You don’t need anymore evidence. Receipt for flowers and notifications of messages.

He will minimise, lie to you and probably cop the hump that you looked in the first place but it’s there now.

What do you want to do You?

I’m sorry you are going through this. Based on my experience I wouldn’t hold it in. Your emotions are valid and you have initial evidence . Of course he’ll deny and minimise...but he probably will anyway even if you gather an encyclopaedia of evidence. No matter what the explanation is you are distressed and entitled to show it.

14 years 6 married 12 5 and 2.

I thought to just ask him a few boring random questions then say oh and did OWname like her flowers. Is that ok?

Oh gosh ☹️
When it happened in my family, the question was simply “ I’ve seen these messages, I think you need to explain”
Stunned silence then spillage

Email access should equal changing his password?

And yes I didn’t keep it together either when it happened to me I went mental. I just couldn’t contain the emotion.

Ok well again it is your conversation you are in control of it. Do not let him lead it.
Personally I would start with, i have found out about your OW. Pack your shit, you are out. Then see what he comes up with.
I have found that when people answer a question with a question it is to give them chance to think of a lie

Just breathe.

You don’t have to do or say any more than that until you are ready.

I couldn't hold anything in!!
I wouldn't say anything till he gets home so he can not prepare. You'll know by how he responds but can't see what he'd say!!
I have a 6 YO

Do you know the OW?

We were together 15 years and married 7.

I’m so sorry to hear this and can imagine how awful you’re feeling. I hope you have family near by as you’re going to need a shoulder to cry on. Please see your friends or family tomorrow to help give you strength and support.

It's fine op-whatever you decide. but I wouldn't even bother with that, I'd just be icy cool if you can and say 'this is what I've found, what's going on?' From now on when he goes low, you go high if possible (it will serve you well longer term if the worst comes to the worst) and being direct and strong outwardly (even if you don't feel it really) sets the tone for that.

No I looked her up on Facebook. She is from a town 15 mins away and we have one mutual friend. Dh.

Do you have joint friends that you can dig a bit deeper?

Anything he says tonight is likely to be complete crap and half truths. In the shock of being caught he might get angry or desperate but he definitely won’t be truthful.

Ask yourself if you want to discuss it tonight or if you’d rather gather your thoughts.