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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Dh has been having an affair. He get a home in an hour. Please keep me calm.

943 replies

youspinmerightround · 04/01/2018 21:12

Found emails and a receipt for flowers. The emails are just Facebook messenger notifications so I can't read what they say but he's addressed the flowers to "my love".

I'm in with the 3 dc. I'm going to be sick.

OP posts:
PasstheStarmix · 04/01/2018 21:44

Read everything and then as another mrs said pack him a bag and leave it outside the front door, lock door and leave key in lock so he can't get in.

PasstheStarmix · 04/01/2018 21:44

pp

happytobemrsg · 04/01/2018 21:45

I would also read the messages before he gets home. Better to be prepared. It may also help you with what to say to him. So sorry you are going through this xx

Angelf1sh · 04/01/2018 21:45

OPen a new bank account and move as much money into it as you can. IM real Sorry op.

Jenala · 04/01/2018 21:45

I'd also change the password and read before he gets back. Definitely.

What a dick. Sorry op Flowers

MrsGrindah · 04/01/2018 21:45

I wouldn’t obsess about emails etc. The damage is done. I only had a scrap of paper as evidence but it was enough. I also knew I couldn’t hide it..I was so stricken he took one look at me and asked me what was wrong.

PasstheStarmix · 04/01/2018 21:45

You could leave a note on top of the bag saying 'I know.' No more need to be said.

DailyMailDontStealMyThread · 04/01/2018 21:45

I was fa too shaken after confronting to be able to change passwords and remember them. I’d do it now whilst you can. You could then log on from your own device (I’d still hide the laptop and play inoccent or let it have an accident in the bath)

Sparklesdontshine · 04/01/2018 21:45

Definately check his emails if you can

Amaz24 · 04/01/2018 21:45

You've got to get the evidence so he cannot deny it and you know your but going mad

youspinmerightround · 04/01/2018 21:46

Hi knows I know. .

OP posts:
Grace1980 · 04/01/2018 21:46

So sorry OP Flowers xxx

WillowWept · 04/01/2018 21:46

Say "I know about [other women's name]" and then not another word. Let him fill the silence.

SchnitzelVonKrumm · 04/01/2018 21:46

If he goes elsewhere tonight you'll buy time to find documents etc

speakout · 04/01/2018 21:46

Hand holding.

PasstheStarmix · 04/01/2018 21:47

So sorry, he is an arsehole x

raisinsarenottheonlyfruit · 04/01/2018 21:47

Most cheats when caught only admit what they think they've been rumbled for.

If he knows all you know about it the flowers, that's all he'll admit to.

It can take ages for it all to come out

e.g.

"I fancied here but I only sent her flowers, nothing else"

"Oh OK, actually, you're right, I did kiss her, like it says on the message you just found, but nothing else happened, it was just the once"

"OK, it has been going on for months, but I didn't have sex with her I promise"

"Yes, you've found evidence of us staying in a hotel, but we never had sex, she took all her clothes of but I thought of you and I felt too guilty to do it". (My ex said this one - OW was pregnant by this time. Heard of other men saying it here also.)

"Oh OK, yes we did have sex".

To learn all this drip drip over weeks months or even years is awful.

Make him show you the messages tonight (or better still get the courage to look yourself, change his password).

Don't accept no for an answer.

MrsMozart · 04/01/2018 21:47

You okay lass? Or, rather as okay as you can be. Are you safe?

Desmondo2016 · 04/01/2018 21:47

Is he home or did you call/message him? Is he trying to deny it?

happytobemrsg · 04/01/2018 21:47

Does that Mrs s hrs home with you now OP? I hope you're ok

SchnitzelVonKrumm · 04/01/2018 21:47

How does he know?

raisinsarenottheonlyfruit · 04/01/2018 21:48

Not saying he has done all of he above - but don't take his word for it. You need to see what's been going on.

happytobemrsg · 04/01/2018 21:48

Urgh. Stupid phone. I mean: does that mean he's with you now OP? I hope you're ok

CommanderDaisy · 04/01/2018 21:48

Research and read and screenshot as much as you can before he gets back. It will get deleted.

I like your idea ( as much as you can like anything in these circumstances) of asking if OW liked the flowers.

I'd be tempted to post openly on her FB page- if you can, asking her if she liked the flowers your husband sent her too, but I'm shitty like that

I'm so sorry this is happening to you.

Blahdeblah123 · 04/01/2018 21:48

Flowers I wish I could come over and give you a big hug x

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