I’m in a bind, can’t believe this is happening.

[LadyCafe]

I hope I won’t receive harsh judgment. I’ve been married for 10 years and we have children. I’m pretty happy in our marriage and love my husband. Yes, some of the passion and excitement is gone. Believe or not, I’m the one who intitiates sex and willing to try new things. DH has also been moody this past year. He doesn’t seem to listen when I talk and isn’t present. The kids always take a tole on the marriage as well.

I met a guy. A very good looking guy and he’s interested in me. It’s so tempting to take things further and I’m having a really really hard time saying no. He texts me, but not daily, which makes things confusing. I don’t know what he really wants. I mean, he wants sex but I don’t know if he wants a long term affair or not. Do affair partners contact one often?

Has this happened to anyone before? I honestly wasn’t looking to have an affair. I feel like it came out of thin air.

I can’t believe I’m talking like this and seriously considering it. I go back and forth, ie this is just for me to what on earth am I doing?!?

So you've talked about it instead of just getting on with an affair, which is good. Presumably you knew everyone would say don't it so maybe there was a part of you that wanted help to not have an affair.

What's next OP? What are you gong to do?

You could always take up bell ringing (wink)

I dont want to dig at you at all. Ofcourse you need some free time been a mum and running a home is bloody hard. There is a difference between needing some you time and going out with friends for a drink and some fun and having an affair? You say you don't want to leave your husband but your still tempted by another man? You need to seriously think about what you want because both things together don't work. I'd be heartbroken and sick to the stomach if my husband did what your considering doing. If your not happy in your marriage leave or work at it, don't cheat x

I had an affair for around 6 months, when married to my first husband. On reflection was marriage was on the way out anyway. In fact we stayed together for a further 5 years, having a son on the way. The affair was great while it lasted. Neither of us wanted to end our marriage, and he was, I found out later, a serial philanderer. It was still fun though and probably propped up my marriage for a few more years.
If you are considering having an affair, the reason is your unhappiness with your marriage.

'Believe or not, I’m the one who intitiates sex and willing to try new things. DH has also been moody this past year. He doesn’t seem to listen when I talk and isn’t present.' Says it all.

Take a long hard look and decide whether you want to remain with your husband on renegotiated terms or go it alone.I say renegotiated terms because clearly you are not happy and the marriage needs to improve for you to remain. It can be tough on your own with children, but can also be great fun. It turns for me upon whether you will have sufficient income to have a reasonable lifestyle on your own with the children.

You’re all right. I’m shocked at myself. It’s like I’m completely out of my body.
I posted because I need sense knocked into me. I haven’t told anyone about this.
At the same time, I hear about long term affairs without the spouse getting caught and I think, well I can have that! But that’s me not being really here...

People like you disgust me. It's your children I feel sorry for, you are willing to destroy their family and happiness just because you are bored and fancy a shag. Selfish.

@ladycafe it sounds like you definitely need to leave your marriage and see other people this isn't normal at all. It's selfish if you don't care about your husband atleast think about what it would do to your children. If one of my parents did this to the other I wouldn't speak to them ever again!

Jon, What do you mean renegotiated terms? Did your husband find out about th affair? And how did you find out your AP was a serial philanderer?

I've been on both sides of this.

For whatever reason you and your husband are struggling with intimacy on any level (and it sounds both emotional and physical), that is what the problem is. I think you do love your husband. And I think you already know it would better for all of you to get some marriage counselling if you can asap.

You owe yourself and your family that chance. If the marriage can't be saved - at least then you would both be able to start with a clean slate.

Oh please, Leanne. That’s a bit dramatic. Both dh’s and my parents had affairs. Dh’s twice. He and his siblings still talk to their father.

How are you even asking those questions?! It's almost like you've posted on here just to take the piss and live some sort of strange fantasy? LEAVE YOUR POOR HUSBAND. Leaving this thread now what a joke.

Stop making out you’re “out of your body”: take some responsibility. You have already betrayed your H - and indeed your DC - by entering into an emotional affair. Try “Not Just Friends” by Shirley Glass. The fantasy is not real.

If you’re dissatisfied with your marriage, continue to work on it, perhaps seek couples’ counselling.

If you’re dissatisfied with your life, seek to change it, eg WoH or study towards WoH.

OM is married and has had multiple affairs - and those are the ones that you know of. He is a loser.

If your parents, DH’s parents and your mate are all cheaters, why can’t you believe this is happening to you? Sounds like it’s pretty run-of-the-mill.

You aren't happy so why do you want to stay with your husband? Because he is financing a lifestyle that is making you unhappy? If you want your children to grow up as honest members of society, you have to lead by your example, even if you don't get caught out.

She was SO frustrated; her loving but sometimes grumpy husband had just taken the kids out for their weekly jaunt to watch football, and she was beside herself with deep rooted need and lust. HE had been texting her again, with promises of wild and unfettered sexual abandon, like something out of Lady Chatterley's Lover.

She dragged her teeth over her lower lip wantonly. She knew how much of a filthy knave this man was, how it wouldn't amount to anything significant in the way that she wanted, but she couldn't help herself. She wanted, no--NEEDED more in ways that only he would know how to satisfy. She felt herself squirming in her seat, finding it difficult to sit still with the ongoing state of arousal between her legs.

She fired off a text in response to her potential paramour. It simply said, when do u want to meet?

Seconds later, he responded with the request for a steamy photo. She mussed up her hair, and lifted her red silk blouse to reveal her best Laura Ashley underthings. She eased out one of her generous breasts with one hand, and took a provocative photo complete with the obligatory duck-face pout that was typical of such pictures.

Her heart was pounding in her chest, she felt ALIVE having just stepped well and truly over the line into indiscretion with this deeply attractive but ultimately terrible man. She knew what she was doing, but she did it anyway. She could hold herself together no longer, and eased one hand southwards to deal with her more immediate problem. She drifted off inside her own mind, thinking about all the things he would do to her and let her fingers dance around until..

Her husband came crashing through the door with the kids, right at the point where she was breathless and sweating, SO close to climax but wrenched cruelly away at the last moment. His face was lined with anger and betrayal. He was holding a phone in his hand that she didn't recognise, it wasn't his usual flashy piece of tech.

"What's this you treacherous bitch?!" He hissed through his teeth, the kids running off into the living room to mess around on their X-Box, completely oblivious to the situation.

The attractive sexpot that she had so desired was her husband all along, and she had just been outed as a cheating wife..

The parents revelation just makes your earlier "has this ever happened to anyone else?" even more disingenuous. Some might say fictional.

(sorry I couldn't help it).

He and his siblings still talk to their father.

I know of others that don't when affairs are discovered, or at best their relationships are strained.

Carry on living in your fantasy world though.

Both of my parents had affairs. Which normalised something which is, in reality, emotionally abusive.

That's not your fault, and I get how you can see perhaps more clearly why your parents both did it - because we are all human, flesh and blood, not perfect.

None of which is an excuse either though.

Whatever happens though, I wish you well.

@IrisAtwood, I know I shouldn't, but ... 😂😂😂

Sometimes affairs can be 'justified'. My own mum was forced into a shotgun wedding at 17 because she was pregnant with me. By all accounts it was disastrous and he was violent towards her. When I was about 9 months old she met someone else, left her husband and eventually married her new man who became my much loved stepdad and eventually adopted me. They lived happily ever after until his untimely death nearly 30 years later.

Except for me it wasn't happily ever after. I continued to see my birth dad and his family until I was about 4 and the adoption process started and I had no idea why they suddenly went out of my life. The sudden loss left me crippled with self doubt and self hatred that was only resolved when I went into therapy for several years in my late forties. I am aware that my birth dad remarried and had other children who I have never met and am endlessly curious about. I remember his mum and what a loving granny she was to me and wonder how it must have been for her to lose me in that way.

It isn't just about you OP. And to consider risking your family life for someone you know is a serial cheater is crazy.

Oh for heaven’s sake op! If your husband doesn’t do enough around the house then tell him he needs to pull his weight! If you’re fed up if cooking him hot meals for when he gets in from the pub then stop doing it! He’ll soon start learning how to use the washing machine if you stop doing it for him. Stop acting like it’s 1940 and you don’t have any control over your life. You don’t have to do 100% of the housework and childcare if you don’t want to. You don’t have to stay at home every night either. Babysitters exist. As one pp as already said, it’s not a binary choice between being a bored housewife and fucking another man. Grow up and take some control over your life.

OP, I’m glad you’ve realised this guy is bad news.

You sound really bored though. Do take this seriously and think of ways to start enjoying life more, without resorting to an affair. Are you a SAHM? Maybe you should consider returning to work?

Your DH's behaviour over the last year suggests he may have beaten you to it OP.

As a cheated on and now ex-wife, I can't begin to describe the fires of hell you are potentially walking into. It has ruined our lives and has taken me four years to feel anywhere near normal again. I will never trust anybody again. The damage to my children has been horrific. Our close knit family has been blown to shreds. Nobody but nobody comes out unscathed. Don't do this.