I’m in a bind, can’t believe this is happening.

[LadyCafe]

I hope I won’t receive harsh judgment. I’ve been married for 10 years and we have children. I’m pretty happy in our marriage and love my husband. Yes, some of the passion and excitement is gone. Believe or not, I’m the one who intitiates sex and willing to try new things. DH has also been moody this past year. He doesn’t seem to listen when I talk and isn’t present. The kids always take a tole on the marriage as well.

I met a guy. A very good looking guy and he’s interested in me. It’s so tempting to take things further and I’m having a really really hard time saying no. He texts me, but not daily, which makes things confusing. I don’t know what he really wants. I mean, he wants sex but I don’t know if he wants a long term affair or not. Do affair partners contact one often?

Has this happened to anyone before? I honestly wasn’t looking to have an affair. I feel like it came out of thin air.

I can’t believe I’m talking like this and seriously considering it. I go back and forth, ie this is just for me to what on earth am I doing?!?

You also want to 'sleep around', OP.

Laiste, I have talked to DH about things. We’re at two different places. He goes out a lot for work and I don’t go out at all. So when we do go out alone, he’s tired and not into it.
He’ll never understand what it’s like to be home with the kids all day. I do all of the housework and childcare. He is involved, takes off of work for kids’ plays and such. Will take them to football on Saturday. But he’s the fun one. He comes home to a cooked meal, gets to relax a bit. He gets annoyed with the kids quickly. He does help with bath and bedtime. Helps to clean the dishes, but he seems so annoyed all the time.

You need to ask yourself one question: Do you want your marriage to survive?

If the answer is yes, talk to your husband about your dissatisfactions. It would be utterly foolish to have an affair.
If the answer is no, concentrate on leaving. The affair is a sideshow.

I didn’t look for this, Cantuccit. Yes, he’s gorgeous. I don’t know.

I don’t want to leave my husband.

So, you would be his fourth in three years?! Oh my lord, even if you have a terrible marriage, surely you can see he's a player, he goes after pretty much every nice woman he meets!

Hi OP, try and see it this way, this kind of illicit high, will ultimately, be followed by intense lows.
You cannot build a strong relationship on weak foundations.
Get a grip, you have children to consider. Tell your DH that at present, this marriage isn't working for you, and for it to work, he has to listen and support you, likewise, you him.
There's a chance you can both fix this, I hope so.

Gorgeous? Really?? Can't you see how shallow that sounds when he is clearly such a player?

How old are your kids? A few years ago I had a situation that could've led to something similar and at the time kids were much younger (had only just stopped breastfeeding youngest) sex life was pretty non existent and quite a difficult time marriage wise -lots of rowing , both took each other for granted etc. Luckily nothing came of the head turner and looking back I'm pretty horrified that it even crossed my mind but marriages have their low points and this was one of them
Me and my husband have more time and make loads more effort now (helps that the kids are older and more independent) and really happy together and really fancy each other etc etc so I would definitely say to work on improving your marriage and forget abort this other bloke

OP your 16:36 post with the list of things that are hard and that your DH doesn't understand.

How many of them will be any different if you are having sex with an unpleasant man who has a nice face?

'This man is married and this will be his 3rd affair. :/ '
and
'This man has been married for 7 years. He’s been faithful for 4 years. He told me about his past encounters. He’s had 3 affairs in the past 3 years. '
Get your facts right OP , so you will be his 4th affair in 4 years !
You are being stupid to fall for this man and you must know it.

There is no getting through to this pathetic “helpless” woman

Thanks, sugarpie.

Nice, dotcotton

I don’t want to leave my husband.

He will probably want to leave you if you have sex with another man.

You say something like 'I don't know what he wants, well I know he wants sex'. So you do know exactly what he wants. He wants sex. He doesn't want romance or commitment or a long term relationship because if he did he would not be pestering a married woman, he would be looking for someone properly available.

You can have sex with him if you want. It might be thrilling and exciting at first because sex with a new partner often is. But it will also be deceitful and adulterous. It will rapidly become humdrum and and guilt ridden - if he sticks around long enough for that to happen.

You say other people may not have been in your position but I think that's a bit naive. I met someone not long after I got married. The attraction was mutual, powerful and very hard to resist. If i had not been married I think we would have been in bed together within 24 hours. As it was although I loved the thrill and excitement of seeing him unexpectedly or hearing someone mention his name I never for one second contemplated having sex with him. That would have made me into someone I didn't want to be, someone who could lie and cheat and hurt my husband. I changed my working arrangements so I no longer came into contact with the man. Since then I have had a couple of similar powerful attractions and whilst I enjoy the hormonal lightning storms they bring about I have never, ever gone any further than enjoying a flirty chat or joke. The potential pain and loss of self esteem could never ever be worth it.

Loon excellent post my dear

Nice, dotcotton

Can’t disagree. He’s so gorgeous you just can’t help yourself, you can’t stop yourself going to this unfaithful man who gives so much of a shit about women he’s ruining his wife’s life.

It makes you sound completely pathetic. So many people here have been realistic but you don’t seem to be taking it in?

LMAO

This reads like the synopsis for a badly written romance/betrayal novel. I would suggest ordering something from LoveHoney to stave off your desires, or read some racy erotica to tide you over.

OP , how old are your children?

Can you perhaps get a babysitter and do something fun every now and then?
Do you have any hobbies?
I would try to make new friends, do something different, get your husband to babysit / get a babysitter.

Maybe you are just bored of the same routine. I don't think having an affair is going to resolve this.
It can destroy your marriage.

My dh’s First wife left him for a thrilling affair. It was all-consuming and she flatly refused, when the affair was discovered, to try reconciliation. Sadly for her, the other man wouldn’t leave his wife and children, in the end. So, dh and his “then” wife got divorced. It was devastating for her, DH and especially the kids. I met him 3yrs after it all and we married 4 years later. His ExW is still on her own and by all accounts, very miserable.

Be very careful OP.

I don't think anything anyone says will change your mind and you're clearly not going to do the decent thing and leave your husband but PLEASE use protection if you do have an affair. One of the most painful things of my exes cheating was discovering he hadn't used protection and had therefore put my health, and potentially my life, in danger.

God, what a depressing thread. With all the shit going on in the world, why on earth would you knowingly add to it....”for fun”?

If you feel so drawn to the idea of 'going out' - enough to want an affair with a rather seedy sounding individual and so to risk all that you have at home - you really ought to talk to your husband about this.

Be honest.

Can’t you get a part-time job or book a babysitter and go out with friends or take up a hobby or something else that will give you a bit of interest and self worth and take your mind off having a quick root with this serial sleaze?