I’m in a bind, can’t believe this is happening.

[LadyCafe]

I hope I won’t receive harsh judgment. I’ve been married for 10 years and we have children. I’m pretty happy in our marriage and love my husband. Yes, some of the passion and excitement is gone. Believe or not, I’m the one who intitiates sex and willing to try new things. DH has also been moody this past year. He doesn’t seem to listen when I talk and isn’t present. The kids always take a tole on the marriage as well.

I met a guy. A very good looking guy and he’s interested in me. It’s so tempting to take things further and I’m having a really really hard time saying no. He texts me, but not daily, which makes things confusing. I don’t know what he really wants. I mean, he wants sex but I don’t know if he wants a long term affair or not. Do affair partners contact one often?

Has this happened to anyone before? I honestly wasn’t looking to have an affair. I feel like it came out of thin air.

I can’t believe I’m talking like this and seriously considering it. I go back and forth, ie this is just for me to what on earth am I doing?!?

This man is married and this will be his 3rd affair. :/
And it won't be his last.

I've been where you are. Many many moons ago. I felt exactly like you did re kids. I went for it...and I fucked up so many lives. Thankfully 25 years later, I'm now very good friends with my ex husband. But no thanks to me. The grass is NEVER greener, and what seems exciting now, will not be, when the shit hits the fan and you blow people's lives apart

I'm more or less going to repeat what everyone else has said here.
Do not have an affair. Happily married people would not even consider getting in to bed with someone else so stop trying to convince yourself or anyone else for that matter that you're happy.

Have some respect for yourself and your husband and your children and stop playing with fire.

What is the other man's situation? Is he married too? He clearly has no respect for you either since he wants to have a hand in ruining your family. Someone who truly cared for you would not put you in this situation, regardless of whether its just about sex or not.

Maybe your husband is having an affair and that's why he's so distant... maybe it is with your friend who thinks it is amazing... how would that feel??

It might seem enticing to get a bit of attention for yourself for a while, but what will ultimately happen is that you will ruin your marriage.

Zaphod has it right.

Also, the PP who said for him, any hole is a goal.

He's a player. A shagger. A cheat. I bet he calls you "babe" in his text messages. That's because he's sending the same text to several other women.

op you need to trawl through mumsnet from the posters on here who have found out their husbands or partners have been having affairs. They don't make nice or exciting reading . They usually contain words and sentences such as
Heartbroken
Devastated
Family ripped apart
Deceit
Trust
It may be good to have a bit of attention but it's for all the wrong reasons.
Your moral compass needs to find north.
Image If your husband posted the same post? He would be stoned!

LadyCafe "I’ve been home with the children for years and I’m burnt out. DH’s life hasn’t changed much. He has the same career which he would be doing even if he wasn’t married. He says he’s going out for drinks and I get jealous. He travels for work. He loves his job. He has an escape. He knows I’ll always be with the kids. My schedule revolves around him and the kids."

Time to tell your dh you want things to change. How old are your kids?

I am guessing that you must have some free time if you are contemplating an affair, can you use that time to work out a plan of action to get back into work and find a child-care solution that works.

If your dh is going out for drinks with friends, you should be too. You need to work out what you actually want and then speak to your dh and together find a way forward. An affair may well not give you what you want in the long run.

You're not in a bind at all, OP. There is no dilemma.

A lot of affairs are started for the excitement, the escape from the hum-drum normality of life with children in a long term marriage. It can be seductive to feel the first flush of romance with someone new.

Don't do it - affairs just cause too much damage. The fallout is just too awful - especially for the children. Have you never read any of many, many threads on here about people who have found out their spouses are having an affair? The consequences could be you being left entirely on your own.

Plus - what if you fall in love? This man is clearly a serial cheater - you'd be his third affair. He's not going to fall in love with you - whereas you sound like a flushed schoolgirl. This could end in heartbreak for you too.

Sorry Missed his 3 AFFAIR...

OMG this man is poison..
Change the things you don't like, do more, join some groups. but an affair won't make you happier, as it's not going anywhere, all you are to this man is his next VICTIM.

An affair won't give you what you want from life.
Get a job.
Divorce your husband.
An affair is the worst option for all. You won't just be lying to your husband, but your children, family, probably most friends and, importantly, yourself.

Get real. He’s a low life opportunist sniffing around for a quick fuck. He wants to use you for your body and doesn’t give a rat’s arse about your marriage or your children. What kind of man’s wants to use another man’s wife behind his back and potentially ruin her children lives?

Most of us have been there and it is very flattering. Work on your marriage.

Think you’ve answered your own question he’s a serial adulterer your his next target. You will be used and dumped and he won’t think twice about any consequences you might suffer. You will lose your husband, kids and probably your home for a cheap thrill. Is it worth it? Run for the hills if I were you.

"This man is married and this will be his 3rd affair." So his track record is love 'em and leave 'em. Is that really what you want?

Rekindle the spark with your husband. Get a babysitter and go to a bar and pick each other up! Book a hotel for the night and get the grandparents (if they are available/helpful) or someone else, to look after the kids.

This man finds you interesting and attractive, I bet your dh does too, but maybe he is worn down with work, maybe all those drinks things are compulsory and he feels he is spinning plates! I am normally a rabid man hater but in this case I want to say be nice to your man, rekindle the passion and if it really gone, then go from there.

You're horrendously self-absorbed.

Tell your husband you're not happy and things need to change. You want a life outside of the kids - work, hobbies, whatever. Manage your marriage. Manage your happiness in relation to your family. Don't just throw everything away because you're feckin' bored. Grow up.

If you want the excitement of seeing other people, do your husband the courtesy of letting him go. Why should he remain in faithful commitment if you're not? He should have the chance to try a new relationship too, no? If that's what you think you're entitled to. It's not all about you.

Ugh, what is wrong with me?? I’ve been home with the children for years and I’m burnt out. DH’s life hasn’t changed much. He has the same career which he would be doing even if he wasn’t married. He says he’s going out for drinks and I get jealous. He travels for work. He loves his job. He has an escape. He knows I’ll always be with the kids. My schedule revolves around him and the kids.

This is what you need to address. What others are saying, with varying degrees of politeness, is that you must not get caught up in the unreality of an affair situation. It is fantasy, escape. Your reality is your husband and, especially, your children. Imagine, really imagine, how you would feel having your husband and children know that you have had sex with another man.

As others have said, you are not unique to be a bit bored and unfulfilled after a 10-year relationship. OF COURSE, a handsome, sexy man is tempting and yes, OF COURSE, many, many people (including me) have been very, very tempted during the course of a long marriage. We are not dead. Sex with one person for a long time, even if quite good, does not bring the same jolt that contemplating a new affair does. But that is hormones. Really, it is.

What you need to do now is treat this as a wake up call to address the issues you've identified. That's what this is all about; not some unique, overwhelming feeling that only you have ever experienced (especially with some scumbag who is on his third affair, for god's sake). This is where you prove who you actually are. Aim high.

Make a huge effort with you H, go to counselling, sort out your marriage of you can. If you can't end it. Your kids will never forgive you if you have an affair, you'll always be the bad guy.

OP I don't think this man is offering you an alternative life. I don't think he's even into having a proper affair, he would like to have sex with you, but his track record suggest he has more than one and moved on from them as well, without it disturbing his marriage.

This isn't an alternative for you- I get that you are bored, frustrated and so on. I suggest you talk, really talk with your husband about how you see the next five years and tell him what you would like from it. Perhaps go back to work, change jobs, have more of a life outside the home. Go out with female friends to the cinema, for a few drinks. Your children will be growing up and getting to the age this is all possible.

This man is throwing a fantasy escape line to you, but if you grab it, I promise he won't deliver.

Pull back now while you can and assess your life and where your marriage is, and see if you can make some changes that won't end up hurting you and/or him terribly.

You should definitely go for it.

MN is rather light on entertainment in January, especially after the kids go back to school.

Hi, OP. Yes, it has indeed happened to me before that I met a good looking man who wanted me to have an affair with him. My marriage was also really crap at the time. Tempting, right?

I deleted this guy's number and booked marriage counselling. I recommend it to you.

You don’t have to fuck someone else to get out of the house

I know this is a serious thread, but, I find this very funny.

This man is married and this will be his 3rd affair

Don't be another conquest. I've seen affairs end terribly.

Find another way to spice things up.

You don't want to leave your marriage yet you want to have an affair with a married man which will make you his 3rd affair.

My advice to you OP is give your head a wobble and grow up! I find it highly pathetic the excuses you are giving.

1. Go get a hobby
2. Speak to your husband about your silly crush
3. Seek counselling or end marriage

It's not fair on your husband or children OP and I hope you don't go down the path and ruin everything however you seem to have made up your mind so have fun!

Ok....I'm NOT pro-affairs.woukdnt have one (and I HAVE been tempted) but I've seen the damage they do. To everyone, especially kids. My mate regrets it to this day and honestly, I can see why. The kids hate her, she lost her family, lifestyle, respect.... she has never recovered and the other man is now married to someone else.

Having said that, I do understand the excitement of being seen as someone real, a person, not just a mum but a grown up with opinions, ideas, witty repartee and to be desired again .
It is hard to pull back from the edge of the abyss but it's worth the effort and you will thank yourself later for it.

Take the opportunity to:

1. accept the validation that you ARE recognised as an attractive individual with desirable attributes. Celebrate who you are without getting it on with this man. Hell, tell your DH that you were propositioned and if felt nice! But emphasise you turned it down! 2)Take steps to improve your situation. It may be you take a class one evening- belly dancing, pole dancing, netball, something fun, with other women who may want to go out for drinks after etc...find new friends.
2. sit your DH down. Tell him firmly 'I need to feel like a grown up, I need to feel wanted, we ARE going to have a date night, you WILL seduce me. This is what I want and need from you. Please don't ignore me so I consider getting it elsewhere" and make sure you follow through, get some adult toys etc.

And after all that, if you are still hellbent on having an affair, I would still say this man is not for you. He is a serial philanderer, a user, you will be left feeling used not satisfied. Honestly, I'd bet there is some sort of affairs website, philanderers.com or something - maybe they will understand better than MN and will better advise you.

Stay safe.be happy and good luck for you and your family getting through this rough patch.