I’m in a bind, can’t believe this is happening.

[LadyCafe]

I hope I won’t receive harsh judgment. I’ve been married for 10 years and we have children. I’m pretty happy in our marriage and love my husband. Yes, some of the passion and excitement is gone. Believe or not, I’m the one who intitiates sex and willing to try new things. DH has also been moody this past year. He doesn’t seem to listen when I talk and isn’t present. The kids always take a tole on the marriage as well.

I met a guy. A very good looking guy and he’s interested in me. It’s so tempting to take things further and I’m having a really really hard time saying no. He texts me, but not daily, which makes things confusing. I don’t know what he really wants. I mean, he wants sex but I don’t know if he wants a long term affair or not. Do affair partners contact one often?

Has this happened to anyone before? I honestly wasn’t looking to have an affair. I feel like it came out of thin air.

I can’t believe I’m talking like this and seriously considering it. I go back and forth, ie this is just for me to what on earth am I doing?!?

Ugh, what is wrong with me?? I’ve been home with the children for years and I’m burnt out. DH’s life hasn’t changed much. He has the same career which he would be doing even if he wasn’t married. He says he’s going out for drinks and I get jealous. He travels for work. He loves his job. He has an escape. He knows I’ll always be with the kids. My schedule revolves around him and the kids.

I want to go out and have fun. Most moms don’t want to go out. Men go out. Yes, I’m being selfish. Maybe I just want to be understood.

Crushes are fairly normal, even for married people. You just have to choose not to act on them.

Loads of people have been in this position. You’re not the first and won’t be the last.

But unless you want to risk losing your marriage, walk away from this man now and don’t be tempted. Scratching that itch could be amazing, and it’s normal to get itchy feet well into a long relationship, but the amount you have to lose isn’t worth it. Really.

And yes I do know what I’m talking about. I have a crush at the moment - have come through an intense emotional affair a few years ago too. Just don’t cross that line.

Oh well that update is totally normal. Being at home with the children can be incredibly hard. This is how I came to the point of running 2 businesses! I'm exhausted but at least I have satisfaction now. Doing the same menial tasks day in/day out drives most people mad.

I would suggest a part time job if you can make it work or at least a hobby.

One of my businesses is fully home based but the other is very people orientated so I am constantly meeting people which leads to new friendships. I've never felt happier

If you embark on this bit of excitement, be sure in your mind that, if it causes the breakdown of your marriage, you may end up unhappy with the guy or, unhappy on your own.

Affairs cause so much damage. To your husband, children, the other man’s family. Is it worth it, this bit of “fun”? Be very careful. I suspect you wouldn’t have contemplated leaving your marriage if there weren’t the possibility of a. n. Other person in the mix.

I’d say work on your marriage.

Please please take it from me.. Its absolutely not worth it. You will end up regretting it for the rest of your life. Work on your marriage if you think its worth it, if not, leave. X

He will probably drop you when he's got what he wants...some men can spot a game woman a mile off

Are you drunk? You sound about 13. This is real life, your real life, not chick lit. If you want to make changes then why not approach it like an actual grown up?

You sound so selfish. All of us mums life's revolve around kids partners etc. It's called life. Grow up.

I want to go out and have fun. Most moms don’t want to go out. Men go out. Yes, I’m being selfish. Maybe I just want to be understood.

It's not selfish to want to have a break in your routine and some "me time", but it's quite a separate issue than having an affair. The strong urge you have to throw it all to the wind and have at it with this guy is normal in the sense that it has a neurological basis:

www.ted.com/talks/helen_fisher_tells_us_why_we_love_cheat

but that doesn't mean you have to give in to the urge.

Talk to your husband about organizing things to allow you more time for you to get out with your friends or do a scheduled activity outside of the house. Most mums with young kids get that same cabin fever.

Your easy pray.
He knows your not happy, so he plays up to it.
Bored Housewife is a cliche.

Don't do this, unless you want to be a single mum with 2 children and watch your husband make a new life, on the off chance this guy is going to want you, the kids, to mortgage and all the works...
Instead swap the person your text flirting with to your husband, make HIM the person who rocks your world, and enjoy the better life as your chidlren go to school and get less dependant on you, and you can enjoy your Married life,

My H was you. Tempted by someone who flattered him when our marriage was struggling. He thought I would never find out, he thought it was ‘just for him’, a bit of an ego boost etc. he thought he would see and shag this woman once to make him feel good about himself.

The thing is, you can set all the boundaries you want, tell yourself it’s just a fling, whatever, but once you are in it, things change. My H was only seeing her once. Then it became having a short term affair as we were moving. Then he was just seeing her when he returned to where she lived in work trips. Then he was just a friend who was messaging her and sending her money.

If he had stuck to what he thought it was going to be - a quick shag or two - i’m pretty sure I would never have found out. But once he was in it he couldn’t Bring himself to end it and in and I found out. It hasn’t ended our marriage, but it still might even a year later.

If you go into this, you will have absolutely no control over how it goes. The guy you’re thinking of sleeping with might be someone who throws you under the bus and tells your husband. You might realize that you want to do much your husband and he decides he wants more. Just imagine looking at your children, and telling them what you’ve done. My husband is facing the reality the one day our children might find out what he’s done, and it kills him.

It’s not nothing. It’s not a diversion or something just for you. It’s a marriage re you might realize that you want to do much your husband and he decides he wants more. Just imagine looking at your children, and telling them what you’ve done. My husband just facing the reality the one day our children might find out what he’s done, and it kills him.

It’s not nothing. It’s not a diversion or something just for you. It’s a marriage wrecker. And for the record, even though my children don’t know about their dad’s affair, it has affected them. It affected them while he was having it because he was so distant from us all, even before we found out it was affecting our family.

I can’t say strongly enough, having been on the other end of things, please please don’t do this.

I’m having a hard time walking away.

I'm guessing you also then won't have a hard time lying, being deceitful, spending family money, cheating then either.

An affair won't fix the things you're not happy about. More than likely, when it all goes tits up, you'll end up looking back at your life now and wish you could go back to it.

Block the new guy's number.

Oh and another thing if this guy is texting you sexy things, and is handsome, you won't he his first or his last, he is a player, bet he has another woman keeping his bed warm, while he watches too see if you will jump into it NEXT...

How would you feel if your husband said the same things? He’d met some through work, it was new and tempting....

As for the potential other man - you would be his 4th affair? So a notch on his bedpost. Let’s hope he practiced safe sex.

you can go out and have fun without resorting to this. I promise you if you go down the route of an affair it won't end well. And what about the man you are contemplating this with? How about his family? I firmly believe that a person who cheats isn't just cheating on their partner but on their kids too because what you are basically doing is starting a chain reaction which could completely destroy your family unit.

Just a quick look through some of the threads on here will give you the perspective of a partner who finds out that they are being cheated on and how damaging it is to everyone, kids included.

Most moms don’t want to go out.

Rubbish.

Plenty of mums want to go out. Plenty do. I’ve gone out on plenty of nights out since I had children. Get a babysitter and go out with your husband. Go out with friends if he has to look after them. You don’t have to fuck someone else to get out of the house.

Get marriage guidance counselling and fix your marriage. Your good looking man may indeed be looking for sex, and once he gets it he may move on. Be sure you know what you are risking before you leap after this man. However, if your marriage is truly over then by all means seek out a new man. But do not cheat, if you do, you will never be able to trust him and you will most likely regret it.

" I’m pretty happy in our marriage and love my husband." If you can be prepared to do this to someone you love and are pretty happy with, it sounds quite dire really.

(I've not read all the posts!)

What’s the worst that can happen if you have an affair.

You may.......

Get caught, get pregnant, get divorced, lose custody of your children, find yourself homeless, penniless and outcast by your friends all for the sake of an affair. I’m not saying all of the above will happen, but they are all a possibility. Your husband will never trust you again even if you do get caught and he forgives you.

An affair will only end in tears, most likely yours.

Only you know if you want to stay married or leave. As a divorcee myself I can say it’s no fun.

And since he is single, or says he is, are you going to get him checked for STD's or are you just going to home he doesn't have something, you might then pass on too your poor DH.

My DH once said: don't be a martyr. I almost killed him for these words but in retrospective they made me look hard at what I was doing and I realised that I have a way out of being reduced to a Mum and an employee, it's out there I just ignore it because I would feel like I'm betraying the motherhood and the employeehood by having some time for my own.
Why don't you find yourself an outlet too? Go out, have fun. Go to galleries, museums, clubs, cinema, on your own or with friends, whatever strikes your fancy.
Instead, you are looking for a cheap affair with a cheap thrill-seeker who only uses you because he sees a woman desperate to do something different.
So yeah. Don't be a martyr. Don't behave like you sacrificed yourself to your marriage and need an affair to make you whole again. It won't. You'll just feel shittier afterwards and you could just possibly tear your whole world apart and lose respect of your DH and children and everybody around you because they will feel little compassion for you. I know I wouldn't.