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Relationships

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Original poster

Dumped on Boxing Day

194 replies

Annelind · 26/12/2017 22:15

I do not like yellow gold. I never wear yellow gold jewellery. The guy I've been seeing for 6 months dumped me by Whatsapp a few minutes ago because I told him I would return to him the yellow gold jewellery he bought me for Christmas, so he could give it to someone who would appreciate it, (bought duty free at a foreign airport so no exchange possible maybe) because It's not something I would ever wear. Because I DON'T LIKE AND NEVER WEAR YELLOW GOLD!

He replied maybe the next one would , and could I post it back to him.

He's thrown me away over my not liking something that cost less than 40 quid FFS!

He is in his 50s btw, and solvent enough to afford £40 without feeling it. Nice to know my worth!

Shocked, but laughing. Thought I'd share!

OP posts:

e0074 · 28/12/2017 14:53

Personally I want, expect and therefore get more. Gold plated jewellery with crystals - do fuck off.

This is the attitude that kills relationships. A growing number tend to have this entitlement attitude, which is great when it’s applied to admiration, affection, love and care, but awful when applied to materialistic garbage that means nothing. If it’s merely about brands and glamour that would satisfy a wag then by all means, invest your money to plasticine yourself and hang out at up market bars in the hopes to get a guy that will avalanche you in the material. A pair of boots out of next in the Boxing Day sale? Not good enough for some women, even if the man walked in the snow to get to the store. Nope, the 2018 range of Jimmy Choo or Zanotti at the very least! A gift is a gift, put less emphasis on the gift value, and more emphasis on how he treats you

e0074 · 28/12/2017 14:58

if enough care and thought had gone into it id be happy with a bloody plastic necklace

This is a great outlook to have.

Maybe a husband and wife have 3 children and can’t afford to get the Mrs a cheap Argos necklace let alone some 24carat gold necklace glittered in diamonds, with a de-beers logo stamped on it

PyongyangKipperbang · 28/12/2017 15:55

e0074

You are missing he poin enirely.

Expecting and therefore getting more doesnt mean stuff, it means consideration. If he genuinely wanted to get her something she would enjoy then he would have made sure of her preferences, but he didnt. She did, she asked him what he wanted and asked him to choose something so he would get a gift he loved and would use. He just went out and got the generic "girlfriend" gift, no thought involved at all. If there had been then he would have either a) asked her what sort of thing she liked or b) taken notice of what she wears and bought something similar.

He wasnt bothered enough to make an effort by thinking about her, and then got the hump when called on it.

You say that stuff like this kills relationships, it doesnt it simply weeds out the emotionally lazy. But accepting being the last thought, never being considered on anything more than a superficial level, always getting the bare minimum "that'll do" option in all areas of life, kills womens self eseem and self worth, so yes I and many others do expect, and therefore get, more than that!

ChancellorBercow · 28/12/2017 16:20

Pyongyang nailed it.

DP cared enough to take notice of my preferences and seek out an item of jewellery I would love AND would fit.

XH2 still doesn't realise I stopped taking milk in my coffee over 5 years ago (we were together then). My only importance to him was in meeting his needs.

AimlesslyPurposeful · 28/12/2017 16:24

PyongyangKipperbang - Completely agree.

thegrinchreaper · 28/12/2017 17:25

I remember you from the 'ungrateful' thread. I thought it was quite bizarre how you kept going on about it whereas the other posters kept a less serious tone.

Chienrouge · 28/12/2017 17:29

I remember you from the 'ungrateful' thread. I thought it was quite bizarre how you kept going on about it whereas the other posters kept a less serious tone

Yes, me too.

Mumof56 · 28/12/2017 17:36

What did you get him?

ChancellorBercow · 28/12/2017 17:51

RTFT

MikeUniformMike · 28/12/2017 18:05

IME, if you ask someone what they want for Xmas and they choose something worth say £100, what you get back is some things that they think you will like to the same value. He gets something he likes and his happy. You get £100 quid (minus the price of cards and chocolates) of random things that you don't want, won't use and can't return.He's just not that into you. Move on.

pictish · 29/12/2017 10:47

I kbnow this thread has all but died now but I just wanted to say that Pyongyang you have hit the nail bang on the head. Thank you for articulating that so well.

e0074 it's not about the naff gold-plated jewellery whatsoever, it's about the lack of insight and awareness that demonstrates how little notice he takes of the stuff that oils her gears.

That's what I want, expect and get more of...someone who actually notices me.

annielouise · 29/12/2017 12:17

The thing is pictish I'm not sure everyone is capable of that. I'm a very observant person and would try hard to get a present just right but often it's very difficult. On another thread a person said everyone did buy thoughtfully for her, or what they thought was thoughtful, but still didn't hit the mark.

It doesn't sound like the OP's BF tried that hard but it really isn't that important to everyone, something I've realised as I've got older. I've found it hard to accept but I realise now looking back often what I thought was lack of thought perhaps wasn't, just ineptness around presents.

The OP was rude. To say she'd return it so he could give it to someone who would appreciate it (i.e. "I don't appreciate it") wasn't going to get any other response. It was early days in their relationship. Perhaps in time he would have got better at presents. Perhaps as they became more to each other. Perhaps, equally, he'd have always been crap at buying presents. After 40 years of buying them I've all but given up as I find it a waste of time and would rather give money to the kids I know so they can buy something they like themselves. I don't there is any one good solution with present buying as so many have different expectations and thoughts on it. Regardless, the OP was rude and I'd have responded just as her BF did.

pictish · 29/12/2017 13:24

It doesn't need to be 'just right' though as that is actually pretty difficult to achieve for anyone! Just not 'completely wrong' is good...and if the level of interest in her is where it should be, he would have known the gold plated nafflace was not her scene. I imagine he didn't give it much thought at all. Woman. Jewellery. Sparkly. Convenient for me.

pictish · 29/12/2017 13:30

It's like buying your boyfriend who is say...a tree surgeon who lives in outdoor gear, a tie...because he's a man and men wear ties. Do you see?

If he said to you, "Thanks for the thought but I never wear a tie, would you like to pass it on to someone who does?" would you have a shit fit and dump him?

annielouise · 29/12/2017 13:31

Again, not everyone sets such store on these things. I no longer do. They're mismatched clearly.

annielouise · 29/12/2017 13:34

But then again the tie might come in handy for some people and there'll be a man somewhere that thinks actually that's great for the odd occasion I need a tie - do you see? Equally, another man might think oh, I like this, I might start wearing ties! Not everyone is the same. He got it wrong. She showed herself up to be a bit petulant and he knocked it on the head. Hopefully they'll both find what suits them. If he offered me back the tie, I'd think him a knob to be honest.

pictish · 29/12/2017 13:40

Sets store on what things? Actually noticing who you are? I sure as hell set store on that.

annielouise · 29/12/2017 13:44

There are many women posting on such threads saying my DH is wonderful but can't get my presents right. Not everyone sets such store on these things. You quite clearly do so it would be a deal-breaker for you. And the OP clearly. But not for everyone. We're not all the same.

Bluntness100 · 29/12/2017 13:53

I think equating a xmas present a boyfriend of six months getting wrong with "noticing who you are" is a bit strong.

Anyways, I think thr gift was simply a symptom of a relationship That was all but over. If he was interested he'd not have dumped her at the first opportunity.

Yes some people make mistakes when buying gifts. Especially with somone they have only known six months. Most people accept a gift, even if unwanted , gracefully. Sending a WhatsApp message telling them on Boxing Day not only that you don't want their Xmas gift but you wish to give it back to them is never going to be met with a great response. And if you're not that into the relationship yup you'd probably tell them to do one.

The reason many of us tell our partners what we want is because the risk of getting it wrong is huge.

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