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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Dumped on Boxing Day

194 replies

Annelind · 26/12/2017 22:15

I do not like yellow gold. I never wear yellow gold jewellery. The guy I've been seeing for 6 months dumped me by Whatsapp a few minutes ago because I told him I would return to him the yellow gold jewellery he bought me for Christmas, so he could give it to someone who would appreciate it, (bought duty free at a foreign airport so no exchange possible maybe) because It's not something I would ever wear. Because I DON'T LIKE AND NEVER WEAR YELLOW GOLD!

He replied maybe the next one would , and could I post it back to him.

He's thrown me away over my not liking something that cost less than 40 quid FFS!

He is in his 50s btw, and solvent enough to afford £40 without feeling it. Nice to know my worth!

Shocked, but laughing. Thought I'd share!

OP posts:
Crispbutty · 27/12/2017 00:13

Can’t think why you’ve not dated for so long! Confused

pictish · 27/12/2017 00:14

I agree OP. What an overreaction over you expressing your own preference in jewellery.

Josuk · 27/12/2017 00:17

OP - you say this is your first relationship in many years....
How did you manage through life with such black/white/ uncompromising/ entitled attitude?
Did your previous partner just always just did what you wanted and the way you wanted?
Otherwise - I don’t know how anyone (over the age of 15) can have this sort of attitude to another person.

pictish · 27/12/2017 00:18

This thread is mad.

Original poster
Annelind · 27/12/2017 00:18

pictish well, I certainly won't be getting anything else from him so no further drama!

OP posts:
Cricrichan · 27/12/2017 00:19

Actually, I'd only been together with dh for just over 6 months when I bought him £200 watch for his birthday (it was a milestone birthday). I did tell him that I would be happy to exchange it if he didn't like it and that I wouldn't be at all offended. He said he loved it and wire it a few times but then stopped wearing it because it was too chunky and uncomfortable. I wish he had exchanged it as £200 was quite a lot of money for me!!

Original poster
Annelind · 27/12/2017 00:21

pictish I never thought it would provoke much response, but it seems to have feelings running high.

OP posts:
pictish · 27/12/2017 00:23

If it were my thread, I'd dismiss it and stop posting. It's too nuts to keep responding to. This happens on here sometimes. Collective absurdity.

Original poster
Annelind · 27/12/2017 00:25

Cricrichan my thoughts exactly. I wasn't given the option at all in this.

OP posts:
Original poster
Annelind · 27/12/2017 00:26

pictish I'm not upset by the comments but yeah overkill now. Thanks again to all who replied.

OP posts:
Onecutefox · 27/12/2017 00:27

Op, men can be pretty lazy when it comes to presents. I buy my own birthday presents now and say thank you DH. I am happy and he is relieved.

Skittlesandbeer · 27/12/2017 00:34

Your post reminded me of two gift givers I’ve known.

When we were clearing out my dad’s house after he died, we found a stash of yellow gold jewellery he had on hand for ‘girlfriends’ gifts. He’d decided that if he gave gold to a woman, regardless of her tastes or how much of a prat he’d been to her, she’d be powerless to comment negatively. Just once I would have liked one of the gfs to do what you did!

I also remembered an ex bf of mine. He gave me a yellow gold chain with a crystal pendant, and a bottle of perfume. They were both very particular in style, and couldn’t be further from my taste if they tried. I’d be more likely to wear jewellery made from twisted willow and spritz myself from the gin bottle. You could literally glance (and sniff?!) at me from across the road and in a split second know there was no way I’d like them. He’d known me for 2 years. It made a tiny bit more sense (not in a good way) when he got quite insistent I wear them both immediately (but otherwise nude) and he got VERY excited.

Don’t know who he was trying to turn me into...hopefully not his mum.

I think I get you. Happy to be flamed alongside you, cos it’s ok to hope that someone you’re seeing might give your gift 4 seconds research or thought.

Insomnibrat · 27/12/2017 00:36

Couldnt you have even looked upon it with affection as the first thing he had bought for you, uneven if it was off the mark?
I'd have been fond of it for that reason only. Like a child making a pasta picture, artistically, it shit, but it's from them, so that's why you love it.

(And make sure he gets closer to the mark next year)

Original poster
Annelind · 27/12/2017 00:43

Skittles very interesting about your dad, and yes my adult daughter thought the same when I showed her the gift. " bright gold plated twinkle generic woman gift" was her comment on it, and "he doesn't know you at all does he?"

Your ex BF sounds weird! I wondered myself who my now ex lover was trying to turn me into.

OP posts:
MakeMisogynyAHateCrime · 27/12/2017 00:45

Wow

Original poster
Annelind · 27/12/2017 00:47

Insomnia no, I was shocked when I opened the box, as the jewellery was so not me - I got a sort of stifled feeling. Very odd. It wasn't his first gift, but I helped choose my first one so it was my taste, not his.

I had pasta pictures dropping bits for years in my kitchen!

OP posts:
BurnThisDiscoDown · 27/12/2017 00:50

This place is full of threads going "my DH got me shit", and posters pile in saying that if you don't tell them they don't know, and don't know any better, so it's your own fault. Op has fairly politely pointed out it's not her thing to save her from years of shit presents and him from wasting money. It's not she threw them back at him saying they were awful, or threw a tantrum. I don't get it. Op, fwiw I don't think you did anything wrong.

rightknockered · 27/12/2017 00:57

I had an ex like this. He would give me gifts I would never wear. I often wondered if they were just rejected by other women and he kept them to give to whoever. The relationship ended because I eventually caught him cheating.

Original poster
Annelind · 27/12/2017 00:57

Thank you Burn I honestly wasn't nasty to him imo, I just didn't want to be expected to wear the stuff - or to give it to a charity shop (my first thought) without telling him, it seemed better to me to be upfront and let him decide what to do with it.

OP posts:
KeepServingTheDrinks · 27/12/2017 00:59

OOooooo.. I'm so on the fence.

I don't have a problem with saying "it's lovely, but it's not very 'me', and tbh, I don't think I'll use it" (either saying it or being told it).

However, OP said she said
because I told him I would return to him the yellow gold jewellery he bought me for Christmas, so he could give it to someone who would appreciate it, (bought duty free at a foreign airport so no exchange possible maybe) because It's not something I would ever wear.

MY problem with this thread is (a) the OP suggesting to the giver she was going to return his gift to him (that's a slap in the face) and her own suggestion to him he regift it elsewhere.

I think both of these are rude.

Original poster
Annelind · 27/12/2017 01:02

right I did wonder if it was a reject myself. He told me he'd bought it in November on a trip abroad, but I'd no way of knowing. It was as unlike me as you could get!

OP posts:
roomsonfire · 27/12/2017 01:03

I am with you OP. If you are together and planning on spending your lives together you need to be honest.

'thanks, its lovely but honestly this isnt me and I wouldn't wear' should be something you are able to say.

Its not like an aquaintence or a secret santa where the decent thing is to accept graciously and quietly regift because that is a very different scenario. Not saying anything would mean a lifetime of rubbish gifts and adding to the 'my husband but me X and I hate it' threads on mumsnet!

Original poster
Annelind · 27/12/2017 01:05

Keep I thought I was just saving him from making the same mistake again. Nothing wrong with regifting. It is new, unworn.

OP posts:
Original poster
Annelind · 27/12/2017 01:09

rooms it's over now but yes I did think he'd take it better, as we shared a sense of humour about our different tastes. I thought it was a joke when he said "maybe the next one will like it"

OP posts:
OnlyAmy · 27/12/2017 01:14

Could you maybe put yourself in his shoes by imagining him responding to you the way you responded to him? If I gave DH a gift, after all our years together even, and he told me to give it to someone who would appreciate it, I'd be speechless. And heartbroken. I just don't think the response was kind or thoughtful. We want our men to be kind to us, so shouldn't we be, too?