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Original poster

Dumped on Boxing Day

194 replies

Annelind · 26/12/2017 22:15

I do not like yellow gold. I never wear yellow gold jewellery. The guy I've been seeing for 6 months dumped me by Whatsapp a few minutes ago because I told him I would return to him the yellow gold jewellery he bought me for Christmas, so he could give it to someone who would appreciate it, (bought duty free at a foreign airport so no exchange possible maybe) because It's not something I would ever wear. Because I DON'T LIKE AND NEVER WEAR YELLOW GOLD!

He replied maybe the next one would , and could I post it back to him.

He's thrown me away over my not liking something that cost less than 40 quid FFS!

He is in his 50s btw, and solvent enough to afford £40 without feeling it. Nice to know my worth!

Shocked, but laughing. Thought I'd share!

OP posts:
Original poster
Annelind · 27/12/2017 01:22

Only my message to him was not like my OP! it was quite apologetic, but firm in my dislike for the colour - I didn't mention the crystals which I dislike too. As I said upthread - no problem if it was the other way round. I don't get angry if someone doesn't like a gift I give them, but it rarely happens because I go by the recipients taste, not my own

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OutToGetYou · 27/12/2017 01:26

I think you did the right thing. Wish I had when now-ex bought me a tyre compressor for our first Christmas. I should have told him, he could have dumped me and saved me seven years of shit gifts (yes, frequently generic girlfriend presents that were totally not me) and then having to dump him in the longer run.
He actually did once try to give me some shitty necklace he'd bought for his ex wife and not got round to giving her. It was some £4.99 bit of tat from Next with earrings. I don't even have pierced ears!

Cbeebiesgurl · 27/12/2017 01:27

I think I'd be annoyed too. I've been annoyed in the past when I've got prosecco and chocolates from the coop down the road off my DP. I like prosecco and chocolate but it was more the lack of thought and effort IYSWIM. You're well rid Xmas Wink

Original poster
Annelind · 27/12/2017 01:30

My ex lover and I are well rid of each other it seems! Xmas Grin

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Original poster
Annelind · 27/12/2017 01:33

Out I'm a gimmer, but I'll never be old enough to wear the earrings in my gift set! so very very not me

OP posts:
ijustwantfiveminutespeace · 27/12/2017 01:40

Do you like this guy? Could you have seen a longer future with him?
Are you upset he has finished it?

Original poster
Annelind · 27/12/2017 08:55

I did like him, not sure about a future but neither of us wanted to live with anyone again. Not upset as such, but shocked. It feels like he didn't like me for me, but just as a woman. Looking back I remember him pointing out a woman who wore a very matching outfit and saying how nice she looked. I don't wear matching anything - my shoes/boots/ bags are random for instance. Maybe he was trying to change my preferences.

OP posts:
ChancellorBercow · 27/12/2017 12:37

My first XH gave me gifts that were trying to turn me into someone else (e.g. clothing to his taste not mine, that usually didn't fit). Other people thought it was lovely that he bought me stuff.
My second XH would buy me multiple boxes of chocolates (again with no regard to my taste) from the local convenience store. Except for when I first tried to dump him when he started buying expensive showy gifts not to my taste and again other people thought I was lucky.
My current DP scored 10 out of 10 on our first Christmas.
The gifts truly represent our relative relationships. The first two were self-centred, selfish and on occasion abusive.
DP is lovely and I'm so glad I've finally learned to tell the difference.

Valerrie · 27/12/2017 13:10

After reading everything, I'm with you, OP. He clearly hasn't made any effort in a. Noticing what you usually wear and b. Asking what your preference for jewellery is. This is odd, as when I've bought presents for partners or vice versa, we make the effort to think of something the other person would actually like.

Also, dumping you because you don't like his present and told him so is incredibly immature and reeks of teenage boy. Actually, teenage boys are probably more grown up than that.

I think you're well shot of someone who is obviously inattentive and childish.

If my DH didn't like something I'd bought him, I'd fully understand him telling me and we'd return it and get something he did like together.

This threat is, as typical Mumsnet usually is, absolutely batshit.

Valerrie · 27/12/2017 13:10

Thread*

Cantuccit · 27/12/2017 13:19

What was the item? How many gold karats?

£40 wouldn't buy you a gold pin at Dubai duty free.

Chienrouge · 27/12/2017 13:26

I think it may have been the manner in which you told him rather the actual message that was the issue here OP.
Fair enough for you to gently say to him the next time you saw him ‘thank you for the gift, it was really lovely of you. However gold isn’t what I’d normally wear’ (or something along those lines) rather than a WhatsApp o Boxing Day saying ‘here, have it back and give it to someone else’.
I’ve seen more than one post of yours on here complaining about the ‘yellow gold’ jewellery (isn’t yellow gold just, well... gold? That’s it’s natural colour!) so you may have come across a bit more harshly than intended.
Anyway... done and dusted now. You don’t need to worry about being bought any more gold.

Original poster
Annelind · 27/12/2017 13:27

Chancellor what you said makes sense. Trying to foist their tastes on you. I don't know if my ex was doing this, or merely wandering about in duty free picking up random stuff for gifts. Had the jewellery been silver/silver plated, I would have at least worn the bracelet occaisonally despite the crystals! and gently steered him into future gifts like days out, things like that. I don't need 'stuff' to make me happy. As your post says loudly - it often doesn't.

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Original poster
Annelind · 27/12/2017 13:30

Vallerrie yes it was teenagery to react like that. I was truly shocked. A bit miffed I could understand, but full on dumping? Confused

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Original poster
Annelind · 27/12/2017 13:32

Cantuccet sorry - it is 14 carat gold PLATED! hence the price.

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JediStoleMyBike · 27/12/2017 13:34

I don't think it's about your preference in jewellery. If you, OP, reread your post you said you had told him you'd return the gift to him so he could re-gift to 'someone who would appreciate it' which tells him clearly that you didn't. To me, that is beyond rude. You may not lik a gift - that's fine! But how can you not appreciate that you received a gift, any gift, in the first place? I don't know when it became the norm just to expect gifts and not be thankful for the effort and expense someone has gone through.

Original poster
Annelind · 27/12/2017 13:39

No, no more gold for the nasty ungrateful lady

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princesssparkle1 · 27/12/2017 13:41

@Annelind - if he knew you prefer silver it seems odd that he bought you yellow gold. 6 months into a relationship I wouldn't have had the confidence to say 'no thanks' to a gift or 'may I exchange it?' But at least you now know that he isn't up for personal expression 😂 Perhaps you've had a lucky escape?

Cantuccit · 27/12/2017 13:41

Ok, thanks OP.

What did you buy him and what was his reaction? Did he give you a hint on what he wanted?

Original poster
Annelind · 27/12/2017 13:54

He said he could do with new round the house wear, joggers and the like, so I asked if he would come with me to choose some. I don't like joggers but there you go. Something he wanted and felt comfortable in.

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Cantuccit · 27/12/2017 14:10

So you got him what he wanted but he didn't bother doing the same.

I would ask for the joggers back!

WhatALoadOfOldBollocks · 27/12/2017 14:27

Annelind I can understand why you were disappointed. In 6 months you'd hope he'd know that sort of thing is the polar opposite of what you wear, i.e. not your taste, which suggests either he doesn't pay a lot of attention to you or that he didn't put much thought into the gift. Your DD summed it up well I think. However, I also think it would've been better to have kept your feelings to yourself until you next met, then found a diplomatic way of telling him it's not really your thing. Being straighforward can be interpreted as downright rude via text.
In your shoes I'd keep the necklace and take it to a charity shop. Why send it back?

He reminds me a little of a man (also in his 50s) that I dated yonks ago. He told me he wanted to buy me an outfit then dragged me around a very expensive part of town to designer stores. Problem was thise clothes were not my taste at all, yet he got rather huffy when I told him. I felt like he was trying to mould me into the sort of woman he felt I should be.

Original poster
Annelind · 27/12/2017 14:35

What I agree I should maybe have waited (hindsight is a wonderful thing) but I was so bewildered by the gift, and quite upset he had not considered what I wore or not noticed, I wanted to mentally offload it, if that makes sense. It is what it is. We both fucked up in different ways.

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debbs77 · 27/12/2017 14:47

6 months in and he brought you jewellery? Send him my way!

userxx · 27/12/2017 14:59

I was thinking the same thing Debs77. 6 months in and I usually get bubble bath that I just know will give me chronic thrush for the next week!!

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