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Original poster

Dumped on Boxing Day

194 replies

Annelind · 26/12/2017 22:15

I do not like yellow gold. I never wear yellow gold jewellery. The guy I've been seeing for 6 months dumped me by Whatsapp a few minutes ago because I told him I would return to him the yellow gold jewellery he bought me for Christmas, so he could give it to someone who would appreciate it, (bought duty free at a foreign airport so no exchange possible maybe) because It's not something I would ever wear. Because I DON'T LIKE AND NEVER WEAR YELLOW GOLD!

He replied maybe the next one would , and could I post it back to him.

He's thrown me away over my not liking something that cost less than 40 quid FFS!

He is in his 50s btw, and solvent enough to afford £40 without feeling it. Nice to know my worth!

Shocked, but laughing. Thought I'd share!

OP posts:
Original poster
Annelind · 27/12/2017 15:02

debbs and user you can share him and jewellery set between you! Grin

OP posts:
userxx · 27/12/2017 15:09

Swap you for the bubble bath 👍

misscheery · 27/12/2017 15:15

@Annelind Oh dear. Remember my story about the engagement ring & be happy you got rid of that asshole. Honestly.... you'll thank me later

MisguidedAngel · 27/12/2017 15:18

When I first met my OH (20 years ago) he was completely programmed into "all women like ....". I don't like chocolates, I don't like champagne and I don't like bunches of flowers bought at a garage. Didn't matter what I said, he persisted - until I invited him round to drink lager, eat KFC and watch football on the TV - after all, that's what all men like isn't it? Then he got it.

MisguidedAngel · 27/12/2017 15:19

Sorry - forgot to add that if I hadn't told him, I would have had to look happy at gifts of chocolates, flowers and champagne for ever more.

lakeg · 27/12/2017 16:43

I think you are very worried about somebody trying to change you

Why do you think that is

It would not bother me one bit.

annielouise · 27/12/2017 22:01

As much as you're trying to hide it Annelind, you do sound hurt. I don't think you meant to be horrible to your BF but I can understand why he didn't take it so well. I, too, hate getting presents I don't like as I feel the person has wasted their money and I hate waste and don't want stuff hanging around. However, I am very difficult to buy for. Not sure what I'd have done in your situation. I think it might have been nicer to have said something in person as I do think you saying you'd return it was a bit of a rejection.

OutToGetYou · 27/12/2017 22:38

You can't have chronic thrush for a week.

Aria2015 · 27/12/2017 22:45

I think 6 months in isn’t very long to know someone’s taste. As for money, I was always conscious of going ‘overboard’ during the first year so purposely held back so I didn’t come across as OTT or too keen. I think if you liked him, you should have just graciously accepted the gift. I can only assume you weren’t too bothered to be as blunt as you were about a gift. The saying ‘it’s the thought that counts’ is around for a reason!

DarkNightDelight · 27/12/2017 23:05

An ex of mine once got me some vile gold earrings, I wore them once and then never again. We split up a few years later and I binned them.

Maybe it's a blessing

userxx · 27/12/2017 23:10

Outtoget - yeah, you can.

MajesticWhine · 27/12/2017 23:44

DH still gets me stuff I don't like and we have been together for over 25 years. He does sometimes get it right too. WhatsApp is not the way to have said this, if it really needed to be said (it didn't). But I suspect this relationship was probably not going to work out anyway.

MyKingdomForBrie · 28/12/2017 00:11

userxx chronic means persistent or recurring, hence a week is not chronic! Chronic thrush goes on for months or comes back again and again over a long time period.

OneDayIWish · 28/12/2017 01:01

It is the height of rudeness to give back a gift. You didn't care if you offended him, so maybe the relationship wouldn't have lasted much longer anyway.

WeeMadKillerKelpie · 28/12/2017 02:04

I'm with you OP, I hate yellow gold and would never wear it either. I think it's a bit deeper than the fact he got you yellow gold though. It wasn't even in your style. Sounds like you were hurt and fired off a blunt message. Okay so it was rude but sometimes when people are hurt, they are rude.

Now it's one of those impasse where both parties have over reacted. If you are happy with it being over, fair enough. If not, talk to him when you are both calmer and see if you can both work it out.

pictish · 28/12/2017 08:48

I would expect someone I've been seeing for six months to have been interested enough in me personally and not simply what I represent to him, to have a basic grasp of my tastes and preferences so that they would know what style of jewellery I'm going to like.
I mean you talk about what music you listen to, bands you like, books you read, interests you have, hobbies you undertake...your values, politics, pet peeves, likes and dislikes...all of that, in the first few months. All of those things attribute themselves to your taste as well as the visual clues, such as never wearing gold. I'd expect a man to be so fascinated and absorbed by me at that stage, he'd go to some effort to get it somewhere in the right ball park to show how taken he is with me. If he's not doing that then he's certainly not the man for me.

This was a generic and rather tasteless fob off woman gift picked up in an airport. The OP is quite right to read the signs and deduce that he's not really that arsed about her as an individual but rather what she represents. A. Girlfriend.

All those of you who would be grateful that he bothered at all and concerned with hurting his little lazy, can't-be-arsed, feelings, great. I particularly liked the post about regarding it like a child's pasta picture....shite but bless him for trying. If that's good enough for you then fine.

Personally I want, expect and therefore get more. Gold plated jewellery with crystals - do fuck off.

pictish · 28/12/2017 08:56

And the fact that he threw his toys out of the pram over her pointing out she's not going to wear his generic, tasteless, fob off woman gift says it all. He expects gratitude for taking no notice of what she likes whatsoever and in not getting it, will turn his tepid attentions to A. Nother Girlfriend.
Maybe she'll be delighted with his pasta picture and settle for a future of half arsed efforts. How romantic.

ClaryFray · 28/12/2017 09:12

Your reaction sounds ungrateful to me. Perhaps at his age he's more picky. You could have accepted it and not worn it. But you decided that he needed to be told and did. So... you've been dumped.

AimlesslyPurposeful · 28/12/2017 10:19

I would have been disappointed with this gift too OP.

It either shows a complete lack of thought as to your tastes or a dislike of your usual style of jewellery and an opportunity for him to foist what he thinks you should wear on you.

Either way, he wasn’t giving you much consideration when he bought it. He should have taken his cue from you and the way you bought his present and asked you what you would like.

PyongyangKipperbang · 28/12/2017 13:19

Well at least he now knows what happens when you put all women into the generic "Girlfriend" box. Sure, as has been proved on here, some saps will accept his "that'll do" attitude (and spend the next X years complaining about crap birthday and Xmas gifts) but many wont.

One would hope that he would make more of an effort with the next one but I suspect he wont as I doubt he can even understand what the problem is, because all women are the same, right??

e0074 · 28/12/2017 13:29

Wow. Poor guy. He gets a gift (gold) which has some value depending on the weight of course, but he was right to dump you. To tell him you’d return his gift is bad enough, but to go on to say “you can give it to someone else who would appreciate it” is a way of saying to him, “give your gift...... TO ANOTHER WOMAN”!!! IE; inviting him to go out and seek women to find to give this gift to. The implication is pretty simple.

It’s a gift and shouldn’t set a priority on the strength of a relationship. Our partners may love non-material things in life that we know and are in tune with yet have no way of realistically buying a suitable gift for that passion in our partners lives easily. Men married for 30+ years can easily mess up gift buying, which is why chocolates and flowers are staples, but when you ask that he take the gift back, and to give it to someone else, you aren’t just dissing the gift, but of the guys good will and gesture, which stabs at any expectation he may have of a simple thing called ‘gratitude’. What did you get him? I bet he didn’t stomp his feet.

Tip for the future. You want to keep and hold on to a guy, then you need to realise that in a relationship it isn’t all about you

PyongyangKipperbang · 28/12/2017 13:34

You want to keep and hold on to a guy, then you need to realise that in a relationship it isn’t all about you

How to "catch" a husband Hmm

I am sorry that you have such low expectations of men and such low standards for yourself.

e0074 · 28/12/2017 14:43

Don’t be sorry. Happily married for 12 years, with no issues, and certainly no break ups or fall outs over something as ridiculous as “presents”

MikeUniformMike · 28/12/2017 14:50

I've given a jewellery item I knew I would never wear back. Tactfully.
Jewellery is a lovely present if it is exactly what you like. Otherwise it is like the JM bath oil to the showerer.

If I'd been given expensive bath oil or scented candle, I would have sensed that the giver didn't really know me and would have regifted it on the quiet.

labazs · 28/12/2017 14:52

so rude he would hardly be aware of what you like and dont like after such a short time have you ever heard the phrase its the thought that counts? if enough care and thought had gone into it id be happy with a bloody plastic necklace

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