Is my cousin BU to leave his wife over this

[babyShark]

They are both Doctors, married 2 years ago. She is currently training at various hospitals so they both live in different places, see each other every weekend. No DC , not planning to have for at least 3 more years.
My cousin called me last night to say that his wife had an abortion. He is upset and thinking about divorce, his reasons,

1. She didn't tell him she was pregnant
2. Can't be with a person who doesn't involve him in such an important decision
3. Told this over the phone
4. Can't be with a person who is so cruel

5.ruined Christmas

My cousin is a paediatrician, adores children, I can see why this is a deal breaker for him. Is he BU ?

Angel, What makes you think they are from this country/not?

Lunde How do you know he won't take a career break or not, these things were never discussed, or given a chance to discuss.

Different, you have just shared your secret on MN, I did the same. If she or someone identify s the actual couple I will take the blame, it's my responsibility. I'm 100% sure this can't be identified or proved.

I didn’t say anything about this country (at least I don’t think I did, did autocorrect change city to country? I’ll have to check now!) or any other. They could be any country. The facts are still true though and are still identifying. It’s also true that the Daily Mail website is the worlds most accessed news source and that Mumsnet is read the world over. So yes, it’s outing.

Nope. I definitely didn’t say anything about countries. My point still stands. It’s really identifying if you know these people.

(Actually I’m assuming the facts are true, this could be completely fabricated for all I know, but if they are true then it’s outing for sure)

It wasn't your secret to share. And, if anyone is identified, putting up your hands going ' my bad' really isn't going to cut it.

Different shared her own experience. You are sharing someone else's private medical information.

it's ridiculous to accuse the OP of sharing private information. Most threads on Relationship are about the poster's problems with their partners, parents, in-laws, teen or adult children, and sharing information without their knowledge or consent.

It's a very identifying thread about a problem that doesn't involve the poster at all really apart from the fact the poster is the cousins confidant.

It is her body but the fact it wasn't discussed, the marriage was over before this happened.

Maybe she was using protection and it failed. I think some posters are determined to paint the bloke as being in the wrong.

Or maybe people realise there is more than one side to a story and that it takes two to make a baby. So if he wanted to prevent it he could. He chose not to and she felt she couldn't discuss it with him.

None of that is solely her fault.

AstridWhite
Sounds like she did it in secret because she knew he'd disapprove but it's not his training and career on the line right now, it's hers.

It only sounds like that as so many posters have pushed the thread in that direction.

The truth is that we don't know how he would have responded were he to be given the chance.

Some of what you say is true Boney, but the original post is strongly indicative that he’d have wanted to keep it (the reference to loving children etc), rather than he’s just annoyed she didn’t tell him in advance.

Angelf1sh

But its not his post or his words, how much of what is being attributed to him are the feelings of the OP?

How is this any of your business? I hope neither of them find out about this and it doesn't end up in the Daily Fail. People are entitled to dissolve their marriage for whatever reason they wish. They were obviously incompatible if they were unable to communicate with each other about such a major issue.

Maybe you should REMIND your cousin that even you know he agreed not kids till the training was done.

They must have talked long and hard about it for you to know they both wanted to wait till the training was done. So she went ahead with what they had agreed, NO baby till training done.

Seems to me he was OK about it all along till it happened then he has changed the rules...

mummmy2017

well said

mummmy2017
Seems to me he was OK about it all along till it happened then he has changed the rules...

What rules has he changed?

Boney, he was all for no kids till they were trained..

Sorry but or it to be know he has spoken to OP about it.

Now when his Wife has become pregnant and decided to abort, as having a child at this time would not mean they both got qualified, thinking she knew how her husband felt. and is upset but has told him it has happened, so was not lying to him, he is suddenly going to DIVORCE her.

So he wasn't as true about it, he should have said no children, but if it happens you HAVE TO HAVE THE BABY.

Which to me isn't the same thing at all.

mummmy2017

Nobody on here can state that he has changed his mind, from what the OP has said he is most upset about the lack of communication.

most upset about the lack of communication.

You get upset about lack of communication when you end up missing a dinner date.

This is not about communication.

So was this conversation a binding contract signed by blood?

Or could it be that like all things in life his perception changed as things developed.

Originalfoogirl
This is not about communication.

In your opinion its not about communication, you don't know what it is about for him, only what you are projecting on to him.

It is different when there's an actual pregnancy from just making a decision in theory when there is no baby. Of course it will impact on him. I think he probably feels that she had ample opportunity to talk about it with him when they were together at the weekend for example.

And maybe he would have been all right with the decision if they'd talked if through. The OP doesn't say that he was upset about his wife's decision as such, only that she hid it from him. Which is fair enough.

I do think he needs to hear her full side of the story, but I can understand how he feels.

A marriage is built on trust and making major decisions together.
If this were reversed and a man made a decision with major financial or emotional implications for the other party, such as second mortgaging the house to fund a business, everyone would say LTB.

She should have discussed it first and, even if decided to go ahead, it would have been a joint discussion with him supporting her if she was adamant.

I hate all this ‘her body, her decision’. It was also his child and the very least he should have been given was her reasons for going ahead.

I agree with him. A marriage lacking in trust where someone makes autonomous decisions which hurt the other person deeply is founded in quicksand.

you don't know what it is about for him, only what you are projecting on to him.
Nobody knows what his actual issue is. It seems entirely acceptable to “project” on to him that it is an issue only about trust or communication but apparently wrong for me to “project” that it is likely to be something other than that?

Originalfoogirl

As the OP states that his problem (as related to her) is communication then there is no projection.