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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

something bad just happened

247 replies

frozenbaubles · 21/12/2017 19:31

My husband has just drew his hand back into a fist as if to punch me. He didn't, he moved away, but I am holding my 7 month old daughter. This has never happened before.

OP posts:
elland · 21/12/2017 21:56

Hi OP, is he back at work tomorrow?

If you can't safely leave with your DD tonight do you have somewhere safe you can go tomorrow whilst he is at work?

Original poster
frozenbaubles · 21/12/2017 21:56

I meant he wouldn't let me leave with my daughter, sorry.

OP posts:
GertrudeCB · 21/12/2017 21:56

Op can you safely contact friends/ family in real life?

Pebbles1989 · 21/12/2017 21:56

This happened to me. My friends downplayed it. I told DP that if he ever did it again, I would leave him. He eventually did it again - and I left him - but by that time the abuse had really escalated.

Just because he’s not beating you up (yet), doesn’t mean it’s not abuse and that you’re not at risk Flowers

bastardkitty · 21/12/2017 21:57

When I said ignore critical mass I also meant loverofcake as well.

Brazenhussy0 · 21/12/2017 21:57

frozen do you have any family or friends you can contact tonight?

GertrudeCB · 21/12/2017 21:58

And please keep posting , we hear you.Flowers

Original poster
frozenbaubles · 21/12/2017 21:58

He is back at work tomorrow yes, I am busy tomorrow taking my daughter for a vaccination (rsv incase anyone is wondering why a seven month old is having a jab). But tomorrow is his last day before he breaks up for Christmas for two weeks Sad

OP posts:
GertrudeCB · 21/12/2017 21:59

Darling can you safely leave tomorrow ?

LoverOfCake · 21/12/2017 22:01

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

MillennialFalcon · 21/12/2017 22:01

Maybe you could ask for help at the doctor's surgery when you take your daughter for her vaccination?

PurpleDaisies · 21/12/2017 22:02

Who have you got nearby? Can you stay with a friend or family member for a few days to think clearly?

elland · 21/12/2017 22:02

Do you have family close by you can stay with?
How about getting all your things together the minute he goes to work and throw it all in the car (assuming you drive), take your daughter to her appointment and then go straight to your family

spankhurst · 21/12/2017 22:03

Frozen, I’m so sorry you’re going through this.
You have to leave with your daughter tomorrow. No ifs, no buts. You are BOTH in danger.

CatRen27 · 21/12/2017 22:03

Gosh OP please take all most of these comments to heart (ignore the rubbish about servicing your husband's needs - this is absolute rubbish and no man who does this is worthy of you). You really do need to leave and get some space. If he doesn't allow you to leave, call the police. If you can get a friend/relative to come and help you then you won't be doing it alone. You are clearly thinking of the baby first, but you also need to put you and your safety first as your precious daughter is reliant on you to be there for her.

I hope MN has helped and you find a way out.

GertrudeCB · 21/12/2017 22:05

Well Lover of cake when it happened to me the internet wasn't a thing so I just kept my gob shut and ended up with a broken jaw. Couldn't get to the phone and even if I could of I was too ashamed to tell anyone IRL and in shock. Don't you fucking judge as you don't know what you'd do unless you've lived through it !

nestletollhouse · 21/12/2017 22:05

Fuck off @CriticalMass
Worst advice I've ever read.

Op you need to leave tomorrow. You must. Take whatever you can grab and go.

8pawsgood · 21/12/2017 22:07

How awful for you, I don't know what to say but you are the protector if yourself and your baby.. nothing and no one is more important than you..Time apart from this situation can only help..remove yourself and your baby to safety tomorrow...I wish you bravery..x

user1485778793 · 21/12/2017 22:08

I hope to God no one listens to a word you say @criticalmass

TroelsLovesSquinkies · 21/12/2017 22:08

Please get out while he's at work tomorrow. Go to a friend or family and keep you and the baby safe.
Don't let him turn around what happened and blame you. I would say call the police now and get out, but if you feel like it would be safer to go in the morning do it. I'm sure the doc would reschedule the vaccination for another day.

Chocolaterainbows · 21/12/2017 22:09

You must leave tomorrow whilst he is at work. You won't get a chance over Christmas. What would you advise your daughter to do if she was in a similar situation when she's older?? X Flowers

Pebbles1989 · 21/12/2017 22:10

There’s some real bullshit on this thread. When I was about to leave DP, literally in fear of my life due to threats he had made, some lovely people on Mumsnet helped me. How dare some of you question the OP over the fact she has posted!

LostInTheTunnelOfGoats · 21/12/2017 22:11

Criticalmass needs her/his posts deleted, they shouldn't be left standing on the Internet for vulnerable women to stumble across in the future.

Critical, you are a fucking moonbeam. If you're happy to lie back and think of England whilst your Lord and master excersises his rights then fire away, but the rest of us would like to embrace the 21St century.

OP, a man who raises his fist to a woman holding a baby is dangerous. You can't trust him now.

cathyclown · 21/12/2017 22:11

I know this is going to sound over the top.

But from day one I have a folder with birth and marriage certs in. + copies of passports too, and a shedload of running away money in a separate account.

No one knows what will happen. It's good to know the escape hatch is there and hopefully will never have to be used. Women need to plan for escape even if it looks like it will NEVER happen.

I know it won't happen to me. Famous last words.... so be prepared.

A folder with all this stuff in is so rewarding. Just grab and go if necessary.

I am certain it won't happen to me. But who the feck knows?

Original poster
frozenbaubles · 21/12/2017 22:13

I am going to go to bed now, my head is splitting in two, just incase anyone is worried. Thank you all so much x

OP posts: