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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

something bad just happened

247 replies

frozenbaubles · 21/12/2017 19:31

My husband has just drew his hand back into a fist as if to punch me. He didn't, he moved away, but I am holding my 7 month old daughter. This has never happened before.

OP posts:
user1485778793 · 21/12/2017 20:21

If you dial 999 from a land line and leave receiver down the call will be traced and police will come.

This is how my dad started and it didn't end pretty, it's horrible but you need out either way Flowers

8pawsgood · 21/12/2017 20:23

Police Police Police....my god how terrifying...x

TheVanguardSix · 21/12/2017 20:23

That's how it began with my first husband. And each row after that initial one- very similar to yours tonight- it escalated. We divorced. It's been 15 years. DC1 was 6 months old when I packed up my shit and went home to mum and dad.

I didn't think for a moment I'd divorce my first husband. I didn't think for a minute he'd ever raise a fist to me. I never thought he'd put his hands around my neck either. He hated me. He never said that out loud. And he tried to right his wrongs after we split. But his actions were enough for me to know that we weren't in a loving relationship.
It's really scary acknowledging this when you're in a vulnerable position (new baby).
Keep your distance. Keep your cool. Think about what happened and what you can do to ensure peace in your days.

AdoraBell · 21/12/2017 20:23

You need to get away, with the baby. Call the police.

Greenkit · 21/12/2017 20:24

Defo phone the police, they will take him into custody and you will be safe, show him this behavior is not acceptable.

Cherrycokewinning · 21/12/2017 20:24

I’m not sure, tbh the police will attend with any kind of priority, let alone make him leave the house for an argument that ended with a clenched fist. I totally understand how scared and shocked you must be but I’m not sure the police are the immediate response here.

Could you call a family member to come whilst you pack a bag and leave with the baby for now? Just to their house or a cheap hotel maybe. To get some space

Gerbil17 · 21/12/2017 20:25

Please phone the police. The way he has acted afterwards when you have gone to see to your baby is frightening.
He has no remorse at all for what he has done.
When i was first reading i was trying to see from a different pov. Uncalled for, but he didnt hit and maybe it was an instant reaction to being pushed iykwim. Not that it makes it acceptable, but not an instant threat.

The fact he is so cold about it and lacking any remorse makes this all the more frightening and dangerous imo.
I would call the police and get out asap

TheVanguardSix · 21/12/2017 20:26

And remember, nothing ever justifies that type of response. We all argue and exchange heated words. Raising a fist ups the ante. It takes a relationship into a bad place. You can't undo that. It's too strong a statement on your DH's behalf.

43percentburnt · 21/12/2017 20:26

I know you want it to go away, return to normal but it can’t. You no doubt don’t want to call the police, ‘over react’. But you need to call them. It is bloody hard, but you need to do it. It will happen again.

crunchymint · 21/12/2017 20:26

If he won't let her leave with the baby, or pick up the baby, yes the police will attend.

Dermymc · 21/12/2017 20:27

Phone the police if you can.

If not, text a relative and get them to ring.

You are not safe.

Be strong for your dd and break the cycle.

Foodylicious · 21/12/2017 20:28

Can you text a friend/family an tell them you need them to come round right away?

43percentburnt · 21/12/2017 20:28

If he lost a contract at work and his boss screamed in his face, then went to hit him with a clenched fist would you say speaking to the police was an over reaction?

FullOfXmasCheerOfCourse · 21/12/2017 20:29

LTB, at least for tonight and then talk it through with somebody IRL and see where you go from here?

Flowers
AllTheWayDown · 21/12/2017 20:29

If he's stopping you from getting to your baby and has gone to punch you then and he won't 'let' you leave, please call the police. I think you need to get away from him for the safety of your and your baby.

AnnieAnoniMouse · 21/12/2017 20:30

Definitely phone the police and tell them you are terrified for your & your baby’s safety.

I know you probably just want to try to ‘make it ok’ but you can’t. Honestly, there’s no going back from this.

Phalenopsisgirl · 21/12/2017 20:30

Don’t minimise this, however inconvenient, you know this isn’t right, don’t stay because it’s hard to leave

Emmageddon · 21/12/2017 20:30

Get out now with your baby, can you go to your mum and dad/best friend/sister?

Please look after yourself and your child Flowers

Behindtheyellowline · 21/12/2017 20:33

If you have an iPhone and have updated with the latest iOS then there’s a “cop button”

Basically Emergency SOS in which clicking the sleep/wake button on the side of the iPhone five times will cause the phone to automatically contact emergency services.

I hope you are okay.

CocaColaTruck · 21/12/2017 20:33

Please get out now with your baby.

allaboutthatsass · 21/12/2017 20:33

you can text 999, this is private, so he doesn't need to know.

text 'register' to 999 then follow instructions.

Hissy · 21/12/2017 20:36

Just seen your updates

Police

Now

MillennialFalcon · 21/12/2017 20:36

Cherrycokewinning OP has said her husband won't let her just leave with the baby, that's why people are suggesting calling the police because she isn't free to leave herself. The issue isn't only what has happened so far but the danger of it escalating if he tries to stop her leaving.

BettyBaggins · 21/12/2017 20:37

How you doing op? Whats going on? Hot sweet tea for shock Brew

CFSantasDrankAllTheGin · 21/12/2017 20:39

If you dial 999 from a land line and leave receiver down the call will be traced and police will come
Not true. The call will be terminated and not investigated unless suspicious noises are heard. However if you need to dial 999 but are unable to speak you can make a silent call by pressing 55 after the operator has picked up and then police will be sent.

Sorry I don't mean to derail the thread, but thought it's important just in case anyone needs to make a silent call.