Ongoing support thread after DH died (Juan et al)

[Chasingsquirrels]

Just noticed we are getting towards the 1000 count ...

Hurrah Horse - what did you have? We had Chinese

Oh no Willow - lump of coal for him?

We had Indian, chicken tikka masala for me and a glass of wine.

I am supposed to be wrapping the last few presents but am on here instead!

Doing a food shop at 6am tomorrow, hopefully it will be quieter at that time.

Ssdd.
Panto was good, local theatre always good corny jokes and topical😀 spoiled by ds2 refusing to go get me a drink at interval (was thirsty and was gonna take painkillers for knee and didnt fancy standing in a queue for 15 minutes) but decided he could go get himself popcorn if i gave him money!

I am done
Done with xmas.
Done with knocking my pan in and getting nothing back.
Done with doing everything on my own.
Done with putting everyone first.

2018 is gonna be my year.

Am watching Metallica very loudly on you tube on tv amd ds1 has cheek to TELL me to turn it down as his friend he is gaming with will hear it on his phone! turned it up
Very childish i know but when he pays for his own house he can tell me what to do in it.

Horse 6 am are you mad?

Haha, a little bit Willow 😁 but would rather get up early than fight with the masses later in the day.

Evening
Willow - end of tether eh? hand hold from me
I was going to say the same to Horse - 6 am . I'm done , maybe need to pick up some milk and thats it. We shall starve
Just a bit of housework , getting guest bedrooms ready and wrapping tomorrow .

Sleep well everyone
Thoughts and Prayers

Thanks Book
Pretty much. Never mind James Hepfield and the boys are helping me remember i am not just 'mum' who takes care of everything. I used to have a life. 😀

Loving the Christmas names 😄.

Had a lazy day at home with the boys, well mostly ds2 and Charlie as ds1 didn't come down till 3pm!

Just back from my work Christmas do, I didn't want to go this afternoon but I had a lovely time, then cried at the end when one of the ladies told me how well I am doing and how they all think I am amazing and how proud of me John would be - he wouldn't, he's be pissed off (except he wouldn't swear) he wasn't here along side me. I don't feel amazing, and I'm carrying on without him because I wasn't given a choice.

Left just before exH collected the Boys, told them to have a lovely Christmas and ds2 gave me lots of cuddles and told me to have a lovely Christmas and to go to grandma's, and ds1 said "are you still here, you said you were going 5 minutes ago" (love you too ds1!).

And Charlie was fine when I got home, although pleased to see me, and hadn't wee'd on the floor and went straight out and wee'd outside.

Now I can't remember what everyone said, apart from Willow reaching the end of her tether so hugs for you xx

Aww Squirrels please take what work colleague said in the good faith they said it in. You are amazing and coping extremely well in circumstances neither you nor John would ever have wanted. But they are right. Going by how you have talked about him he would be very proud of how well you have coped with everything. Despite the fact you didnt have a choice. You could have curled up and refused to get on with life. You could have done things differently but you coped in your own way and yes you have bad days, who wouldnt? But your strength of character and your love for John and your kids shines through every day. Of course its an ongoing nightmare sometimes, lifes a bitch and deals a crap hand to people who sont deserve it but you have told that bitch where to go many times. Please accept your colleagues high opinions of you, we all have high opinions of you too and they are well deserved.
You ARE amazing and dont you forget it.
Hugs back to you to.

Oh Willow x perhaps I didn't express that right, colleague is lovely, I'm in no way knocking what she said or the sentiment, it was more about how I miss him - and my feeling that I'm just dealing with what's happened as best I can.

Fell asleep on the sofa with Charlie (next to me on beanbag) as he'd been on his own for a few hours. Just woken up and put him to bed and come upstairs and hopefully he won't wake up again in the night (once he settles - he is grumbling a bit now).

Hope everyone is sleeping well x

Good morning

I hope that your shopping trip was successful Horse

Willow I do hope they pull their fingers our of their arses. Teens are inherently selfish, but surely they need to realise you can't do it all! I love Metallica too.

Squirrel I hope you had a fairly peaceful night. Have you decided what you're doing for the next few days? I agree with what your colleague said. You are just getting on with it, but you are also doing amazingly.

We need to get bread and milk tomorrow book otherwise the poor urchins would also starve

Off to collect DD and then we're going out for some fresh air. I feel like the start of tonsillitis - really hope not!

How was the shop horse?
Hope you aren't coming down with anything cake.
How are your aches this morning Willow.
Are both dd's staying with you book?
Hope you are okay Selena.
Love to Juan.

Morning all!
Slobbing here in my dressing gown, drinking tea :)
Chasing - I have DD2 and partner coming early evening on Christmas Day, staying over. Everyone meets up at the beach Boxing Day for fresh air and amble . Back to ours for evening meal, and DD1 , son in law, DGS stay overnight . Sadly DD2 is back at work the day after, so she won't be staying a second night. But we can all relax and put DGS to bed, have board games and cards, and maybe a drink :)
Willow - teenagers - my girls were not too bad ( or maybe its just hazy memory) but they had their moments, no doubting and always when you could least cope with it.

It is so easy to put your own wishes below everyone else's ( something I still struggle with )
Cake - hope the tonsilitis doesn't take hold -
Horse - I am truly hoping you are back home with shopping . On my fb feed , one of my nieces did hers last night, and the aisles at her big supermarket were nearly deserted - she couldn't believe it! As easy as she had ever had by all accounts .
Thoughts to Selena, Jane and Juan

Have a good day everyone

Was back home by 8.30, Asda was pretty busy when I got there and was really ramping up when I left. Also called in Tesco and they were busy but everything flowing nicely.
Asda customers were a bit tetchy!

Hope all have a productive day today. I am off to footy in a few hours to watch my beloved boy

I am finally feeling festive

Afternoon all.
Bwen for eye gel at opticians amazed i got parked near them. Last of food shop and treated myself to bottle of ameretto. Heaven😀
Got petrol and while im queue there was an Australian.guy 2 in front of me. He didnt have a morrisons card so asked the guy in fron who said he didnt have one so he took mine and gave me the points😀 then the guy in front showef me his mini card and thought it was just to use instore so i told him he could use it in petrol statiom too. Then he daid "well i hardly ever come to Morrison's so it's not worth having" and took my card and gave ne his points too !!!! What lovely people (and aussie was pretty lovely all round tbh😉) wished each other merry xmas as we left. Made my day.
Hope you arent getting tonsulitis Cake make sure everyone takes care of you at times. Being exhausted all the time makes your whole system vulnerable.

Squirrels no probs its hard to explain exactly how you feel or how to sympathise without coming ovwr as patrinising. So just sending a (((hug))) instead. (And you are stull amazing to me😉)
Forgot to leave buttet out fridge to soften so waiting for that then baking with ds2. Still need to ice my cake😲 not organised at all this year. Ds1s tshirt came today so have that and ds2s lego to wrap.

KBO i guess.

Spelling!!!!

We've been out for some fresh air and now just watching Willy Wonka. Time for slobbing...

(((hugs))) to all and hope ou have a lovely afternoon/evening.

Afternoon all!
Willow - lovely when that happens, it gladdens the heart :)
Cake - do you know, I have never seen Willy Wonka ...
well, a sit down and a cup of coffee here ( plus a jam tart, just checking they are okay - I only ever make lemon curd and jam tarts at Christmas )
I've been a tweak busier than I thought. Not rushed anything , but not stopped either. DH went out for the day with the girls at about 10.30. So I have changed the bedding, done a load of washing, ironed. Popped to the library to pick up a book I had reserved, and bought yet more niger seeds for the birds. Cleaned the shower room . Sorted out a chicken that is for tomorrow nights tea , then boiled up the bones for stock. . Made up the bed, and have just brought down the first little tranche of presents to wrap. Taken out a curry from the freezer for tea .( we have been doing a freezer dip all week, - great for getting older stuff used up )
One small gripe - a parcel has not arrived from Amazon. It was due 19-21st promised for Christmas. Looked this morning, as we haven't had any messages about it. They have changed the delivery to 2nd Jan - luckily nothing major, but sent a stinky email anyway .
Right - onward and upward to the wrapping

Ds's cake baked, tray bakes in fridge. Having coffee before i batter hell out of the marzipan and icing 😀
What a nusciance about the parcel Book hope you get it asap.

Damm phone!

Ex coming for kids tomorrow to take them to his for a few hours then i have to go meet halfway to collect them. He cant come xmas day for some reason. Talk about last minute planning😀 just what i need after work an hours driving! But if they get time with him its all that matters.

Cake done, ds2 finished thier cake off too. 1 traybake not setting propetly! Even after i put another pkt of biccies in it!
Not a patch on Cakes amazing one but will do me😀 complete with ancient decorations but kids wont let me change them😁

Lovely cake

Just had a Baileys milkshake - aaaaah

Night all, catch up with you tomorrow.

Morning
Managed to get up in time!
Off to work soon goodness knows when we will get finished. Taking traybake so i dont eat it all as kids not keen on the ginger one😀 custard cream one was more like soft fudge even with added biscuits and icing sugar but is a bit firmer after fridge overnight so should be edible😀
Hope you all have nice relaxing day.

Have a lovely day all.

Hope work is okay Willow - you'd think the least your ex could do is bring the boys back as well grr.

Spent the afternoon & evening with John's sister & husband, nephew & wife yesterday which was lovely - apart from Charlie pooing on the floor .
His mum fell at the beginning of the week and broke her hip and has had an emergency hip replacement so she is in hospital.

Going to my parents for tea later and then planning on not doing much on Monday - I finally said to my mum I just felt like hibernating and she said do whatever I want to get through the day. So I'm going to! I've got my uncle (who has Down's) the new Planet of the Apes DVD for Christmas and I might watch that before I give it to him on Boxing day! Seems a bit off but he won't know.
SIL & BIL are visiting MIL Christmas midday in hospital then going to hers for a few days so I might pop over and see them for an hour in the afternoon. Depending in whether I can face it I might go and visit MIL in the morning.

Morning all!
Well, I went and picked my sprouts and broccoli at the allotment, ( I picked the leeks, kale and celeriac the other day) , filled the car up, and then went around a busy but not hectic Sainsburys to get milk and a few bits . Sat down now - DH will be making bacon butties shortly .
Willow - I love traditional cake decorations. My DM had things like that, and a special frilly ribbon. Don't know what happened to them sadly ..Hope the day goes well for you. I am not impressed that your ExH is cornering you into doing that - he is relying on your wish to help the DS's isn't he .
Cake - hope you slept well after that!
Chasing - that sounds like a good plan for tomorrow.
I have some wrapping left to do this afternoon, then its everyone for tea.
Going to tape the new Maigret tonight to watch tomorrow when its quiet.
Thinking of Selena Juan Horse and Jane too.
Hoping the New Year brings peace and joy xxxx

Morning all, just wishing you all a good day.

Thinking of you all for tonight and tomorrow. Know it will be hard for some of you for different reasons.