Getting out of a controlling relationship

[Zoo33]

I feel like I've woken up to how controlling and damaging my bf has been. We've been together 4 years and had plans to have children, get married and buy a house. We've not spoken in days since I left to clear my head and I have to go back tomorrow to collect my stuff and will see him.

I'm making the right decision I know that absolutely. But please give me strength - tomorrow will be so hard. I feel like such a fool for having put up with this behaviour when I can now see how controlling he's been.

Just struck me to add something. When I met DH we had both been through the mill and had recently escaped abusive relationships.

We found each other and it was sheer joy. True love isn't hard work. It's easy peasy. You trust each other, support each other, laugh together.

You get hard bits, of course, like when money's very tight or you have tiny children and are exhausted. But you encourage each other through these bits. You are each other's friend.

My DH died young. He wasn't perfect. Nobody is. But in all our 17 years together he was never unkind. He was my biggest fan and we trusted each other implicitly.

This new man may or may not be "the one" for you. But please don't ever settle for anything less than a true, equal, loving partnership. It's the best life has to offer.

I should have said that I mean this advice for the time when you're contemplating marriage and babies. When it's just a boyfriend he doesn't have to be Mr Right. Mr Right Now is often just what you want...

Thanks @Prawnofthepatriarchy and also everyone else for your kind words.

True love isn't hard work. It's easy peasy. You trust each other, support each other, laugh together

You’re so lucky, it wasn’t that way for me though Luckily my DH stuck by me whilst I worked through my baggage. Years later and we have that but it took a while.

I've RTFT and OP, you're recent posts have made me smile. Xx

Honestly that's the majority of lads, but they're a small amount of lads that are good for you you just have too look harder

I read a post saying nobody ever updates their threads, so in an effort to be positive this strange new year, I thought I would, although I imagine nobody is following this anymore as it's been years!

I just wanted to thank everyone for their support without which I'd have struggled to leave and stay away. I had a tonne of support IRL too and it all made a difference. Leaving was the best thing I ever did.

The last year was a bit of a shit show for everyone, but I have lots to be grateful for as my baby daughter was born in 2020 and I bought a house with my wonderful, kind and loving fiancé (we were due to get married but it had to be postponed so fingers crossed it goes ahead this year).

Happy new year everyone!

Congratulations, great update. 💐

Thanks for the update, Zoo - that’s very heartening. All the best for 2021!

Congratulations to you and your fiance! Very best wishes for a happy new year.

I remember your thread when you were going through such a difficult time.
Congratulations to you and your fiancé and thankyou for the update.
Best wishes for the future.

Fantastic update, @Zoo, thank you for letting us know. I followed your thread at the time and admit I never replied, thinking it’s difficult to help when you were still engaging with him. I hope the idiot has left you alone and massive congratulations on your dd!

What a lovely update. Congratulations.

What a brilliant update! Congratulations :)

@Zoo33

He has threatened to break up with me in the past and has apparently lied to my family about things. I think the big problem is that each time we have a big argument I sink into a deeper hole, to the point that I feel like I'm on an emotional rollercoaster and tried to commit suicide last year. I'm not normally like that.

Once someone lies like that about someone else's actions, that to me is the line in the sand. It reputational damage, it's almost akin to active sabotage. They're so desperate to control the narrative they are willing to lie. Watch out. That person is not a good friend, let lone a good partner.

That's amazing! Well done!

Just read your update. Yay!!!

Congratulations, you deserve to be really happy.

Congratulations Zoo, that's amazing!

Great news !