Getting out of a controlling relationship

[Zoo33]

I feel like I've woken up to how controlling and damaging my bf has been. We've been together 4 years and had plans to have children, get married and buy a house. We've not spoken in days since I left to clear my head and I have to go back tomorrow to collect my stuff and will see him.

I'm making the right decision I know that absolutely. But please give me strength - tomorrow will be so hard. I feel like such a fool for having put up with this behaviour when I can now see how controlling he's been.

Very good to hear, zoo. With luck, having gone through prosecution once, serious threat of prosecution twice will have scared him off.

( poor third victim)

Hi Zoo - hope all is well.

Is this the first full week without any harassment?

Hi @another20 Yep, first full week complete. I haven't heard a peep from him since last Tuesday. I can't believe how much weight it is off my mind.

Thank goodness!!!

What an amazing relief - I am delighted for you.

Well done on getting the police involved.

Please have them on speed dial if he even steps an inch out of line. If you think about it for a moment, or let one misdemeanor pass you will be back to square one.

Is the blind date lined up?

No, I've heard nothing there but it doesn't matter - the fact I was keen to meet up was enough to show me I'm not completely emotionally shut down, so it's still a positive result.

I had some relatively bad news following fertility tests last week, so I think I have to focus on that anyway. I never wanted to be one of those crazy women who's so desperate to get pregnant she'll sleep with the first man who looks at her, so unless someone whizzes into my life in the next 6 months, I'll be doing it alone.

Honestly, I really think I deserve a break. 😕

@NeverLetYouGo I can't work out if you're joking or not

On the assumption that you're serious: I don't think that's a good idea but thank you for the suggestion. You know far more about me than I would ever be comfortable sharing on a first date (or ever in fact unless I meet the right man) and your username alone is enough to put me off, given that not letting go is precisely the problem I've had with my ex!

Just RTWT and want to say I'm with you all the way, but it hurts me to see you sabotage yourself again and again by letting Mr Nasty into your head.

As other and more experienced posters have told you, every time you listen to a voicemail or open an email you're back down a snake in the sick game of snakes and ladders he's manipulated you into. Please just totally disengage.

Having said that, reading your thread I notice an increased calmness in your posts. You seem more detached, which is exactly what you need. Congratulations, Zoo. You may be spinning it out a bit but you're getting there.

Update from me as everyone was so so helpful when I needed the help and support; not sure if anyone is still interested but I know I like reading happy updates on painful threads...

Anyway, I start a fantastic new job next month and have recently met someone lovely, so I couldn’t be happier. Even if it goes nowhere with the new man, I’m happy that I’m emotionally in a place where I am excited about my future.

Thank you to everyone who was supportive, I really couldn’t have got through those black weeks and months without it. X

That is great news

Fantastic! 😊😊😊

Fantastic news op! I've followed your thread from the start. All the best .

Great news. Be careful with the new guy. X

What a lovely update OP.
Just enjoy everything you can for now.
Take each day as it comes.
You deserve some happiness and a wonderful happy ending!

Read the whole thread and so pleased for you. Hope your idiot ex has finally left you alone

Thanks for update OP. You have done so well. Did you do the work on your house and are you settled in?

I did do the work on the house (it looks amazing if I do say so myself), although I've got a bad case of tennis elbow and can't face finishing the last bits of painting as it hurts too much. I'm settled though and it's such an incredible feeling having my own freedom and space.

I'm still liaising with the police re the ex, as he was still harassing me up to a few weeks ago. Stupid sod.

Definitely taking things slowly with the new man. By this stage of dating I'd had declarations of love from the ex - so it's refreshing dating someone who's happy to just see where things could go. I've got plans for next year and if he doesn't want to be involved (wouldn't blame him) then at least we've had fun together.

Good for you. Keep it tight with the police - monitor and report every little thing. Was he also stalking this thread? Did MN ban him? Worries that TMI on here may provoke him?

Are you able to re-read the whole thread - or is it too painful and traumatising for you? You have done brilliantly - but be aware that you have important anniversaries coming up that might trigger you emotionally- so be prepared to protect yourself emotionally and keep ploughing through. Your story is an inspiration to all.

We've already had some of the key dates, including my birthday (cue a lengthy "you're getting old, you'll never find anyone to love you like I do" email, the day I fell pregnant and also the day I discovered the miscarriage (again a similar email).

His last emails simply managed to piss me off and show me how much better (and happier) I am without him.

I did read the thread again the other day - I can't believe the difference almost a year has made - everyone said it takes time but you never actually believe it.

I've now changed all my personal contact details - that was a ridiculously painful process because I hadn't appreciated how many people you have to notify!

The police have everything and if he tracks me down when I start my new job then he will be arrested immediately. They handled my case really badly earlier on but it's now being dealt with by someone more senior who is very supportive.

I'm positive it wasn't him stalking this thread / MN generally, although precautions have been taken - and frankly if he's reading this then I don't care. He'll not find me through anything I've posted.

Lovely to hear zoo! really great that you've found such a good job, and good luck with the guy you're seeing =)

All you can say about "no one will love you the way I do" is Thank God for That.

Onwards and upwards and lots of luck :)

Where have the last 11 months gone 😱 it's lovely to read your update you sound so happy!!!

That’s great progress - you are miles ahead. As I said an inspiration to many others who find themselves in a similar predicament.

Very glad to read your update. It took a long time but you made it in the end.

Pleased the police have been helpful. You were right to involve them, if only to protect other women this nasty, dangerous bellend sucks in. Clare's Law will serve them well.

Thanks for update zoo. You sound great and free and happy.