DH choosing between me and the OW

[Tearsofthemushroom]

DH left me three months ago to be with someone else after 20 years of marriage. I was devastated but after two months started to feel that there was light at the end of the tunnel. Just as that happened he left the OW saying that he still loves me and missed me etc. He moved out in his own and the last few weeks has fluctuated between saying he wanted to make it work and committing to me and the next minute running for the hills.
I found out that he had seen the OW recently and he admitted that he loves us both. It has been heartbreaking, I let him back into my heart. He has said that he is going to make a final decision this weekend and I think that he is going to go back to her. I just feel so devastated and can only wait for confirmation of the inevitable.
For what it is worth he is normally a wonderful man and this has all the hallmarks of a massive midlife crisis, but to come back to me he will have to face some massive issues and I am not sure that he is brave enough to work through stuff together.

He is not a prize, serveying his kingdom choosing which maid gets to share his bed that night!!

Get some self respect, you deserve better than this.

Slap your self-esteem around the face and tell him to fuck the fuck off. He doesn’t get to decide how you’ll spend the rest of your life - you do. And don’t think for even a second that if he “picks” you he won’t still be picking her behind your back. He’s cheated before, he’ll cheat again and you won’t have a minute’s peace of mind.

Tell him to go fuck himself.

You are worth so much more then being an option to this cheating man.

And he’s not a wonderful man because a wonderful man would never behave in such a way.

If he chooses you it will never be as it was because you would now be in a relationship with an adulterer, how many decades would need to pass before you truly trusted him again?
Would you ever trust him again?

• how stressful it would be to live with constant suspicion and fear, not a recipe for happiness. Call it a day.

Take control of this and tell him you don't want him.

As you now know, you can live without him and as much as it doesn't feel like it at the moment, you will be happy again.

Just as that happened he left the OW saying that he still loves me and missed me etc

Did he leave or he had to leave?

Let him decide if he picks you, make sure he tells the OW he wants nothing more to do with her, your his everything then and only then dump his arse and leave him out in the cold

This isn't xfactor deciding who goes through this us a weak man with no morals playing two women

I shall add to the chorus:

Fuck That Shit

He doesn't get to decide. He lost that right. You get to decide what you want.

Eh?

No. No thank you.

Pick your dignity up off the floor sweetheart and never look back

Tell him to get to fuck. He is playing games with you. Have some dignity and don’t play the pick me game.

You were feeling better and now he has made you feel worse again. Don’t let him do this to you.

For god's sake - for your OWN self-esteem you need to slap this nonsense down right now.

He gets to pick? REALLY? You honestly think that it would be possible to hear him say 'Oooh, I guess you're the one! Congratulations!' and go back to living with him, and sleeping with him, and not spend the rest of your life hating him with every fibre of your being and hating yourself more???

What you need to do, right now, in order for your self esteem to survive this, no matter WHAT your belief of the situation is, is to text him right now and say

'Thought it was fair to tell you before you waste any more time deliberating your 'choice' this weekend. I've made my decision. I absolutely don't want you. No -one worth having, mid-life crisis or not, would ever act like this, and I am worth so much more than a 'man' like you. Hopefully for you, OW's standards are lower, or I gues you are in for a lonely Christmas. Regards.'

Send it. Don't think about it, send it.

Whatever happens in the future with this prick, if you give him the opportunity to call and tell you the 'result' of his decision before getting in there first, you'll regret it forever.

Sorry to add to all the platitudes, but it's usually true- if you have to fight for someone they're not worth winning. Your prize will be a shitter life because you won't ever go back to what you had before.

He will make a final decision? How big of him. There's nothing wonderful about a person who does this to people who love him and that he's promised to love, honour and cherish. Make your own decision, to move on without him. Let him know. 'I've made a decision myself. There's no such thing as love without respect. And I can't love anyone else if I don't love myself. So that precludes our ever being together. Our marriage is over.'

You know, I think if he had genuinely come back after a couple of months, with his hands up and said "I made a complete arse of myself, I don't know what I was thinking, of course I love you and want to be with you" then there would have been a chance for you both. If you were prepared to give him that chance, which it sounds like you were.

But this? Nope. Fuck it. Tell him that you're sorry he's having so much trouble with this choice but if he can't be wholeheartedly with you then he can't be with you at all because you'll always be left wondering where he is when he's out, who he's with, if he's with her - you'll always be left wondering if he's only with you because SHE told him she wasn't going to hang about.

Just end it with him now for your own dignity.

He doesn't get to make a choice here. Only you get to choose and you should pick yourself over him. Take away the power he thinks he has over you.

So he cheated on you, left you, and now gets to pick if he chooses you or not and you’re doing the pick me dance and putting it down to a mid life crisis.

Cmon, have some self respect and tell him to fuck off.

He has said that he is going to make a final decision this weekend

This is so, so wrong. Its not his decision it has to be yours. I would think very long and hard before handing your life and happiness back to someone who can't be trusted with it. In the end it will likely just be a few more years delay before building your own life.

At best you’ll only be his fallback ‘choice’ as he chose leave you to be with her.

If you were his first choice, he never would have had an aafir. he does not deserve you. He definitely does not get to have you hanging on, waiting for his decision.

Who the fuck does he think he is?

You make the decision and tell him you will never get back with him and OW is welcome to the shitbag.

Then get on with building up your own self-esteem and improving your life without the lying, worthless shit in it.

I reckon you love him enough to make life easy for him

Making decisions is hard

Don’t make him decide

You do it

Choose you

That there is what is known as a cheeky cunt.

So I guess if he chooses you, you will have to be grateful, never complain because after all he choose you? No fuck that, he doesn't get to choose, you do.

And, bet you she's had enough of him not t'other way round. Don't play second fiddle in your own orchestra.

One other thought strikes me - how do you know he left the other woman rather than her kicking him out or it just going horribly wrong? ie how do you know he is even making a choice rather than using it pretend he has chosen you?

The idea of the two of you sitting there waiting to find out which of you was 'won' this prize is just awful

Wow, it is unanimous. It is so hard with two young children who I want to have a whole family. How do I look them in the face if I don't do everything to save our marriage?