DH choosing between me and the OW

[Tearsofthemushroom]

DH left me three months ago to be with someone else after 20 years of marriage. I was devastated but after two months started to feel that there was light at the end of the tunnel. Just as that happened he left the OW saying that he still loves me and missed me etc. He moved out in his own and the last few weeks has fluctuated between saying he wanted to make it work and committing to me and the next minute running for the hills.
I found out that he had seen the OW recently and he admitted that he loves us both. It has been heartbreaking, I let him back into my heart. He has said that he is going to make a final decision this weekend and I think that he is going to go back to her. I just feel so devastated and can only wait for confirmation of the inevitable.
For what it is worth he is normally a wonderful man and this has all the hallmarks of a massive midlife crisis, but to come back to me he will have to face some massive issues and I am not sure that he is brave enough to work through stuff together.

I’m so sorry OP, he is a total shitbag.

What a cunt
There's one thing having an affair and leaving etc. There's another doing the yo yo thing. It's grim. And I actually feel sorry for her too, I bet he's spun her a whole load of bulshit too.

You gave him another chance and he’s fucked it. No more. Don’t be a mug.

Bags packed, locks changed, tell him to fuck off. Solicitor first thing Monday morning.

Cross post - good for you.

The goodness in this is that it only took a few days for him to show his true colours. Waste no more time on him. What you thought you had didn't exist. Take time to mourn that but please, please don't be drawn into wanting him back as he is now.
You may not want to hear this but I feel very sorry for OW, she's won nothing, worse than nothing in fact. I hope she bins him off in the end. It's what he deserves.
Just don't you take him back if she does!

Congratulations! your free of that lying wank stain. Get mad then move on

Also agree with what others have said. It's lucky it's only taken this long.
BUT
Beware, because he 100% WILL be back.

You’re not gullible nor a fool,you simply tried to make it work on basis of what he said
Anyhow events have changed.
As I said get copies all finances, keep your dc passports,get a timeline of infidelity. Gather collateral information to support you. See a divorce solicitor

I know it hurts, but he has done you a huge favour. He has immediately shown you his true colours a second time. Believe what you are seeing. He doesn't deserve you.

Get legal advice and get everything you're entitled to.

Well, you tried. You shouldn’t have, but it’s done and at least in the eyes of your children when they’re old enough to understand, you tried.

The man has no respect for you, and an extremely high opinion of himself. He’s not a great dad, because great dads know that their children need them more than they need their own sexual satisfaction and their hobbies (ffs ). Great dads show their children that their mothers are to be respected, that they’re equally important members of the family. Great dads show their daughters what they can expect from their life partners, and their sons how to treat their life partners. Many many men and women go through mid life crises - only the wankers actually follow through to the appalling detriment of their own wife and children as your DH has. Normal people see thing for what they are, and those with even a minimum amount of emotional intelligence recognize that a climbing Kilimanjaro for 5 days with a lithe thing you’ve been fucking for 4 months have nothing on a wife of 20 years and two children who depend on you. What a fucking idiot.

Move on. Let your children see how a moral, upright adult with good values behaves. No need to make things unnecessarily hard for their father, but do not demean yourself for them. You will do them (and yourself) harm ultimately.

He is a 'cake eater' and was just back for 'ego kibbles'.

So sorry to read this OP but you've had a lucky escape. He truly is a horrible man and you're well rid of him.

I am terribly sorry OP, what an utter bastard he is. You are in no way a gullible fool, you're a strong woman who will get through this horrendously painful time and flourish. He, on the other hand, is a weak, pathetic loser who I reckon will come to recognise what a fool he has been only it will be too late.

Wishing you the very best

Sorry you went through yet more heartbreak at his hands. Glad you seem to be finding your anger. He is a despicable person, just be prepared for him to do this again next time she kicks him out which is what I suspect happened this time.

I told him that I wanted a break before I found out that he had got back with her. That is now obviously off the table

It might or might not be off the table for you, but that's not what he'll believe - at least not yet. Sadly, he'll only remember that he was about to get another chance

Quite rightly nobody else can make this decision for you, for for your own sake I hope you can come to terms with the fact that this isn't going to change. You certainly weren't a fool to give him a chance, but you might want to think about the wisdom of letting him have yet more - also about what you'll do if his OW chucks him out

i would suggest he hated you moving on . Fund your anger . Fight for every penny you can get . You do deserve far better . As for a good dad no great dad brings there kids into this .

I feel for you
I have been in your position although not marriage and not for as long but let me say this I did the pick me dance and thought I won when he chose me to then go a week and him leave me again for a different woman!!
Hold ur head high and tell him to fuck right off and be happy!!
As for your children they will understand when they are older that there dad broke ur heart and u were not going to be second best to no1!!
For the time being explain to them that daddy's gone to live in his own house now so they get sleep over etc and get to have days out with daddy!
I have since met the most amazing man I could ever meet and my children adore him!
There's light at the end of the tunnel just focus on your self and children and forget about this man let him make the mistake n learn from it but from experience don't play his game u will get seriously hurt

Good luck hunny keep smiling

I gave my ex husband ONE chance only, he came back. When he did it a second time that was it enough and when he asked to come back the second time I said no.
It's hard to give up on a long marriage but I think you need to be tough, tell him he can come back if he ditches the OW completely but if there are any other incidences like this it's goodbye and mean it.

What an absolute bastard

IrritatedUser1960
Really

Have you rtf

Oh, I've just seen the update.

and a big hug.

He is an utter bastard.

What a fucking bastard he is. I am sorry you are hurting but you really deserve so much better than this

If you love two people chose the second one because if you really loved the first you would never have had the second ... kick his ass to the kerb

Oh chicken, I'm sorry what a bastard. You'll get there honestly you will.