Think he's left me and not told me?!

[Carrotgirl999]

Ok sorry, this might be long.

Been with partner around 6 months, just moved in together. Things have been fantastic until this weekend, when his ex got in touch and it threw him, they had a messy break up around a year ago and we're engaged, after 8 years together. She's basically begging for him back.

He told me honestly about their conversation, that he needed closure, felt strong when replying knowing he had a good life now with me.

Although he's been quieter since Saturday he assured me no reason to worry.

This morning I went to work, but had a gut instinct something wasn't right (randomly changed his WhatsApp pic from us to one of him) and my messages weren't delivering. I tried to call, no answer. I txt him to say I was going home early, when I called again he answered, said 'for fuck sake, ok hope you feel better soon.'

Got home an hour later, to be locked out (live in flats with communal entrance) his phone switched off and nowhere to be seen.

I got a neighbour to let me in, he isn't answering his phone, not receiving any messages, has basically vanished. All his things are here.

His smart new clothes he bought the other day have had the tags taken off and left so he's obviously wearing them. But no coat.

I'm thinking the worst. That he's left for good. Maybe being paranoid, but this is all VERY out of character. Never not been able to get hold of him before.

In the interest of not stop feeding, he left his ex one day taking nothing, just walking out, when he heard she had cheated. So he's capable of leaving things behind without second thought. He didn't tell me on the phone he was out but it looks as tho he waited for me to leave for work, got changed and went. Told me he had no plans, what he's making for tea, he was gunna do housework today, blah blah.

Someone talk some sense into me as my instincts are saying the worst has happened and he's gone back to her without so much as a backwards glance. :(

No words - apart from - what a prick
But I admire the way you are dealing with this.

Hi Carot. So sorry you are going through this. I agree with the other posters - tell him his stuff is already packed and has been since yesterday. I hope she breaks his heart again and then tramples all over it!!!

Just read the full thread. What a cockwomble he is. You deserve so much better :( x

I'm so sorry carrot but at least you know now. You wouldn't chose to go on a date with someone if they said they weren't over their ex, so look at it at a delayed bit of news. Remind yourself of all his bad habits, snored, farted, shit in bed, couldn't cook, etc etc and take all his presents back and splurge the money on lovely treats for your DS and you.

Delurking to say what an absolute asshat he is!

That's a bloody low thing to do!

Could he be Bi Polar by any chance?

I am so sorry OP :(

@Hissy I suffer with mood disorders, depression and anxiety. I'd still never treat anyone like this. Don't make excuses

So.... just remember this when you've met someone who truly appreciates you, loves you and wants to be with you ( he is out there ) and this idiot gets in touch (as he will) to say that he made a mistake and the woman has cheated on him again... think of karma and how it will bite his ass.... as it will do. 💐

Oh dear god. I don't like that word either, but he is a prime case for using it...

he's a cunty-faced twat-wazzock.

He's not over a woman HE walked out on in the first place? How long shall we give it before he decides he's not over you either? That man is trouble with a capital CUNT.

What a bastard. Hope you’re ok.

He sounds like a prize prick OP. You are well rid.

Thanks man is a spineless knob, no mental health problems.

He's a right drippy vacillating wimp isn't he?
I bet his ex will chuck him within a couple of weeks and he'll come grovelling back shudder
You'll be fine op, I think you've had a lucky escape.

Bwah ha ha. Well that's a match made in heaven isn't it.

The man who so abhors cheating and cannot deal with 'situations' that he walked out without one conversation on a woman he'd been with for EIGHT YEARS now decides to give it another go, despite said woman making a play for him while she's still with her ex.

What an idiot.

The reason he's 'not over her' isn't her. It's because it sounds like he's never learned to resolve emotional situations at all, ever, in any context, and so no, of course he's not going to be sanguine when she reappears. He's going to feel overcome with all the things he didn't say, all the anger that hasn't been processed, and need to follow it up.
Which he will do, and they will go through their hysterical bonding phase (because as far as this situation is concerned, the processing phase has been on ice - nothing ever got even discussed - it's as if the cheating and the breakup happened yesterday). They will cry and howl, and have lots of sex, and then that phase will pass, as it does, and he'll look at her and feel empty, because then the fact of who she is and the cheating and the fact that she happily went off with new bf until she got bored, will slap him in the face.

All he's done is go through the cheated on partner routine with a period of freeze in the middle, where he faced none of it, froze everything and went out with OP instead. Silly, immature, emotionally stunted man. He will now pick back up his life as it was at that point, and, like every other cheated-on partner, will now go through the hellish aftermath. Only difference is, he'll have the ghost of another life with you, calm, happy, relaxed, in the background too. But he'll have made his bed. I shouldn't think he'll stay in it long.

What - a - chump.

Believe it or not, this is the best thing that cold have happened.

He has ru away before, he will run way again, and his entire life will consist of running away when things get hard, rather than face up and sort them out.

This was going to happen sooner or later, because that is the sort of twat he is. At least it has happened before you have had a child together, or taken on joint finances or debts, so you aren't both gutted emotionally and financially struggling.

He and his ex deserve each other. She cheated on him with this present fiancé, and is cheating on the fiancé with him. Does he really think she will stop shagging any bloke with a pulse? Of course she won't. It will happen again, and again, and again.

You are well out of it - just be sure that you don't hang about to pick up the pieces when he comes crawling back (which is likely).

You and your son have a wonderful Christmas! Do you have any extended family you cold invite over or go to? That would be even better.

Agree that you should pack up any gifts he has bought for you and give thumbtack, but if there's anything you've bought jointly for your son, I would keep the - there is no reason why your DS should suffer. Don't give him the gifts you have bought for him - just take them back, or sell them on e-bay or whatever.

You've had some great advice upthread. If you follow it, you will find that you are stronger than you think - you have been dong wonderfully well. Your heart must be breaking with disappointment, but you are keeping it all together. Don't weaken now. You and your DS will be fine.

*too many' autocrappets' to count!

Use your common sense people.

Ok. Iv hardly read anything so sorry, but thought I should update.

He's back with her. Took one day.

All his stuff is packed.

Iv heard the 'I'm sorry, I'm fucked up, it's not you, i love you, I'm just depressed' bullshit. Then his brother told me he's with her.

Luckily I was being strong anyway.
He's collecting his things in the morning, I will not be here for that, so after leaving for work yesterday thinking all is fine I will never ever see him again. Madness.

I will find some strength from somewhere. And tonight I am going to meet my friend for a god damn drink.

Two weeks before xmas too. What a complete prick.

Although. He got a tattoo of my name. On his hip. I hope she enjoys seeing that. Small silver lining. Thank you all. X

His twin seems to have the balls in that family. He is a spineless cunt.

All of your strategies sound spot on for me. If I was closer I'd take you out for a bloody massive drink.

You will survive this and gone out stronger and happier, I promise you xxx

It going to be a tough road ahead but you have shown such dignity and strength. Your son must be so proud of you. Keep your chin up, no consolation but better now than when you have a dc together. You deserve better

I've been traveling a lot today so I was able to read the whole thread! That guy sounds like such a douchebag

Has he given back your house keys? How do you get into the building without them? I would call him a snake, however that would be insulting to snakes!

He should be absolutely ashamed of himself. Retain your dignity lady. You really will get over this. He on the other hand can take his ‘depression’ back into a relationship with a woman who cheated on him and her present partner. I know who will come out of this on top and it’s not him. If you’re going drinking with your friend give her your phone so you’re not tempted to text him. Stay strong and dignified

Bloody hell. He’s back with her after one day!! She clicks her fingers after everything and he just goes running like a desperate little puppy dog. How embarrassing for him. Breathe a massive sigh of relief that you aren’t tied to him. She will dump him again no doubt. Please please please do NOT ever let him back in again or you’ll be going through this again.

Oops pressed post before I finished!! I'm glad there that silver lining, going to be a painful reminder of how childish and horrible he has been through this whole situation. You have plenty of support here xxxxx

Tattoo of your name in an intimate place. Oh that is priceless.

Hope you have a bloody good night tonight.