Think he's left me and not told me?!

[Carrotgirl999]

Ok sorry, this might be long.

Been with partner around 6 months, just moved in together. Things have been fantastic until this weekend, when his ex got in touch and it threw him, they had a messy break up around a year ago and we're engaged, after 8 years together. She's basically begging for him back.

He told me honestly about their conversation, that he needed closure, felt strong when replying knowing he had a good life now with me.

Although he's been quieter since Saturday he assured me no reason to worry.

This morning I went to work, but had a gut instinct something wasn't right (randomly changed his WhatsApp pic from us to one of him) and my messages weren't delivering. I tried to call, no answer. I txt him to say I was going home early, when I called again he answered, said 'for fuck sake, ok hope you feel better soon.'

Got home an hour later, to be locked out (live in flats with communal entrance) his phone switched off and nowhere to be seen.

I got a neighbour to let me in, he isn't answering his phone, not receiving any messages, has basically vanished. All his things are here.

His smart new clothes he bought the other day have had the tags taken off and left so he's obviously wearing them. But no coat.

I'm thinking the worst. That he's left for good. Maybe being paranoid, but this is all VERY out of character. Never not been able to get hold of him before.

In the interest of not stop feeding, he left his ex one day taking nothing, just walking out, when he heard she had cheated. So he's capable of leaving things behind without second thought. He didn't tell me on the phone he was out but it looks as tho he waited for me to leave for work, got changed and went. Told me he had no plans, what he's making for tea, he was gunna do housework today, blah blah.

Someone talk some sense into me as my instincts are saying the worst has happened and he's gone back to her without so much as a backwards glance. :(

Thankyou just posting here is helping keep me calmer. Sometimes talking is all you can do I guess x

Carrot, you are better off without him. If she wants him back after what he did then let her have him.

I can’t understand why he would leave all his stuff, inc his phone charger and passport. I’d agree it was possible he was going to meet her, but I’d find it surprising if he just walked away and left all his belongings.

Whatever happens, I think the info you've given on this thread says it all.

If he's gone, he's done you a favour.

You can't have this kind of crap happening around your son. Your instincts have immediately told you this is suss. That says a lot!

I think if I knew for certain he'd gone back to her it would be easy to get angry and believe it was a lucky escape.

It's the headfuck of waking up this morning planning what to cook for tea to, well, nothing, and no clue. I rang him a couple times once I got in, rang through once, then after that straight to voicemail. Phone off? Haven't tried since. Trying to keep some dignity. X

He's left you without any explanation or anything, he's a coward and you are better off without him.

It does sound like he has gone to talk to her but if she is the ex that cheated surely he decided to leave her so why would he want to get back with her now? Unless that is a different one?

You may find he just needs closure rather than that he is planning on leaving you.

He is probably rushing home as fast as possible on public transport!

No, he's left you op, he sounds like he has a form for that.

" 'for fuck sake, ok hope you feel better soon.' "

That's awful-not sure I could get past that tbh-I'm assuming that he didn't immediately apologise?

I mean we can all snap when stressed, but usually realise!

So she cheated & he walked away?

Seems odd that he would consider going back or that one message would throw him so much?

I think this will all turn out to be a big misunderstanding

User that is my thoughts. He wanted to see her for closure, why he wanted to look his best. And I think if I'd stayed at work he would've been home when I got in, hence him taking a key/leaving passport etc.

BUT I think now he knows I know he's gone, chances are he won't come back to face me? That's why phones off etc.

Worst thing is I know I'm right. :(

lucky escape by the sound of things.

I think he's gone to shag her, rather than gone for good.

I thought you were engaged too (we're instead of were)

Better to have this happen now then months/years down the road. Its never easy dealing with someone who has baggage

Shitty behaviour, but I really hope it turns out to be a massive misunderstanding

I get that he walked out once when he was cheated on, that is understandable. BUT you haven't done anything wrong, so do you really think he would do that to you? Are you concerned he would do something silly or are you worried he has gone back to her? He's being very selfish whichever way.

Tbh it sounds as if you were his rebound girlfriend.

People say here he has form for just leaving, but actually maybe he doesn't. Maybe leaving at the time was what he wanted to do, wanted to feel he could just do, but when it came to the crunch and she got back in touch he realised that actually,just leaving wasn't really something he was that capable of, and as such he's gone back to sort things out.

I doubt however that he ever loved you or that this relationship would go the distance even if the ex doesn't stay on the scene.

And to be blunt, you have been incredibly stupid moving a man into your flat and with your child within just six months of having met him.

BTW have you googled him? Is he even who he says he is? If he's left all identifying information at the flat and just gone without notice then it's possible that it doesn't matter because this isn't even his identity. But you've only been with him for five minutes and realistically don't know anything about him.

I'm so sorry op.

My ex did this, turned out he was shagging a 17 year old in an allotment 😐, wouldn't return calls, our dd was 1 at the time.

Anyway he knocked her up within a month, they split up and he doesn't see her child.

Myself on the other hand, I'm completely happy with someone lovely and he's a loser in a bedsit.

It took years but I got there.

Hugs to you, the first few weeks are the hardest.

Bit harsh Lover. There are nicer ways of saying things!

Blinking heck. It's not sounding grand. Handhold from me.

Oh I’m so sorry if this is true for you and your ds. It does sound very odd.

If he had left for good, wouldn't he at least take basics like his phone charger and passport? It seems bizarre that he'd walk out with just the clothes on his back. Can you tell whether he's taken spare pants etc?

I feel so sorry for you OP. Hopefully you will get some answers soon and can plan your future accordingly.

Maybe he has got dressed up and gone to meet her to show her what she is missing and to gloat how happy he is without her?! clutches at straws

can you contact his Mother or something? This other woman has a lot to answer for. Begging for someone back when knowing he is taken

Lover of cake, thanks for the bluntness maybe stupid yes. I suppose there is a lesson to be learned from it. I split from a DV marriage 4 years ago and have struggled somewhat to keep strong for my son. Kept a good career while sleeping on parents sofa so my son could have a bed.

So yes, I have been, potentially, very stupid here. It's the first time Iv felt normal in a long time, having what I thought was a stable home and family for him again.

Stupidly. And believe me if this is what I suspect it is it won't be a mistake I make again.

Fuck this loser , changing his whatsapp picture and running home to put nice new clothes on , all for her benefit basically chasing after some cheating skank.

If it was me I would bag his stuff up and throw it in the garbage , change the locks and block him.