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Original poster

Think he's left me and not told me?!

999 replies

Carrotgirl999 · 06/12/2017 13:51

Ok sorry, this might be long.

Been with partner around 6 months, just moved in together. Things have been fantastic until this weekend, when his ex got in touch and it threw him, they had a messy break up around a year ago and we're engaged, after 8 years together. She's basically begging for him back.

He told me honestly about their conversation, that he needed closure, felt strong when replying knowing he had a good life now with me.

Although he's been quieter since Saturday he assured me no reason to worry.

This morning I went to work, but had a gut instinct something wasn't right (randomly changed his WhatsApp pic from us to one of him) and my messages weren't delivering. I tried to call, no answer. I txt him to say I was going home early, when I called again he answered, said 'for fuck sake, ok hope you feel better soon.'

Got home an hour later, to be locked out (live in flats with communal entrance) his phone switched off and nowhere to be seen.

I got a neighbour to let me in, he isn't answering his phone, not receiving any messages, has basically vanished. All his things are here.

His smart new clothes he bought the other day have had the tags taken off and left so he's obviously wearing them. But no coat.

I'm thinking the worst. That he's left for good. Maybe being paranoid, but this is all VERY out of character. Never not been able to get hold of him before.

In the interest of not stop feeding, he left his ex one day taking nothing, just walking out, when he heard she had cheated. So he's capable of leaving things behind without second thought. He didn't tell me on the phone he was out but it looks as tho he waited for me to leave for work, got changed and went. Told me he had no plans, what he's making for tea, he was gunna do housework today, blah blah.

Someone talk some sense into me as my instincts are saying the worst has happened and he's gone back to her without so much as a backwards glance. :(

OP posts:
Aeroflotgirl · 07/12/2017 14:27

A spineless coward really.

RatRolyPoly · 07/12/2017 14:28

Oh. Well. More fool him then, and the rest of his sorry, miserable life.

Cock.

Ghostontoast · 07/12/2017 14:29

He needs to cough up the rent money until the contract is up.

Ghostontoast · 07/12/2017 14:29

His share that is

GoddessInTraining · 07/12/2017 14:29

I’m so, so sorry carrot. I would bag up his stuff and dump it at the door for him, he is utterly revolting.

I’ve read the whole thread and I’m genuinely amazed at how strong and dignified you are. Might not feel it right now but you are and that will carry you through this.

LoneParenting101 · 07/12/2017 14:30

CHUCK HIS STUFF OUTSIDE NOW!!!!!! Seriously. Take note of my experience!! Seeing him leave will absolutely DESTROY you. Not to mention your 12yr old son, even if he's not there, he will see the state you're in tomorrow. Please don't do it to yourself! ThanksThanksThanks

PersianCatLady · 07/12/2017 14:33

CarrotGirl1999
I am sorry for what has happened to you and for being slightly off-topic bug do you not have a key to the outside door of your block of flats?

Also do you usually leave the door to your own flat unlocked all day?

I know if might not seem important to you right now but you need to have your own set of keys and you need to always lock the door to your flat in future.

Sorry for the off-topic but I felt that I had to mention it.

nibora · 07/12/2017 14:34

Not sure why so many women feel obliged to do the right thing. Men don't respect you for it, they care for the ones who make their lives harder it seems to me.

Like fuck would I pack up his stuff and let him skip off into the sunset.

His stuff would be in the bin with the rubbish where it belongs.

gingergenius · 07/12/2017 14:38

Please tell him no. Don't see him. It's soul destroying. Ask his brother to come. Anything but seeing him.

And yes to his share of rent til end of contract.

BewareOfDragons · 07/12/2017 14:39

So sorry, OP.

I'd text him one more time and tell him you're dumping all his stuff outside the front door starting now. And you want your keys back.

They deserve each other. He's pathetic, she obviously jumps from man to man and cheats on them to boot ...the perfect pair.

TheDayIBroke · 07/12/2017 14:40

What an arsehole he is.

cjt110 · 07/12/2017 14:42

They sound like they're made for each other.

You OP are made for better people.

Neolara · 07/12/2017 14:46

Silly man. Suspect it will all go tits up for him again with his ex very soon. It went wrong once for a reason so suspect the same issues will kick in to make it go wrong again. Very sorry you in in this situation OP.

JoshHommesWife · 07/12/2017 14:50

And he took over 24 hours to tell you that?

I wouldn't dignify it with a response. Bin his stuff, change the locks.

He's treated you worse than that. He's had no regard for your feelings at all. Don't let him see you one more time. Don't give him the satisfaction of a response - let him wallow in the guilt.

His ex will almost certainly cheat again - the Romeo and Juliet fantasy is all well and good when you're chasing someone. Once routine sets in she'll be shagging about again.

Send letter to his mother asking for his half of the rent.

PhuntSox · 07/12/2017 14:51

New Year, new start for you! Flowers

Take back his gifts and get something for you and your son. Don't forget to get this month's contribution for bills and rent from him!

He has done you a favour by showing what an empty easily led plank he is before wasting any more of your time!

crazycatgal · 07/12/2017 14:55

Tell him that his stuff will be bagged up outside and he's to post the key through the door.

Eliza9917 · 07/12/2017 14:58

I'd bag his stuff up and put it outside (in the rain) and depending on how I felt, may or may not let him/his family know its out there. No way on earth would his stuff be available at his convenience, not mine.

ImpeachTheOrangeGibbon · 07/12/2017 15:02

Oh loverofcake you really can't help yourself, can you?

How about a simple 'I am really sorry OP, hope you are OK'? You have made your point about how quickly she moved him in, over and over again. It's boring and unhelpful right now.

Please take your know-it-all attitude somewhere else?

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 07/12/2017 15:03

Argh, so sorry Carrots! Think everyone else has said what I want to - spineless bloody coward of a dipshit.

Agree with taking back the presents. He doesn't in any way deserve them.
Agree with dumping his stuff in binbags outside the flat door.
Agree with demanding your keys back

Things that might be better/worse depending on who you are:
with my feckless ex, I saw him a few times afterwards because he had to come to our house to maintain certain things. And I used the time to ask the questions that, in reality, only had one answer - he didn't love me enough to stay. But it was cathartic because I realised he was a different person from the one I'd known, and because I realised he was basically lying every time he told me a different story about why he left. Then one day when he left I knew that was It, I never needed to see him again. And I didn't after that. But that was me.
For others, watching him leave rips them apart.
Unless you know which reaction is most likely, I think I'd try NOT to be there when he comes; of if you have to be there, make sure you have someone with you.
But have all his stuff ready at the door (either inside or outside) so he spends minimal time with you, if you decide to be there.

Don't bin his stuff - it's unlikely he would, but he could accuse you of stealing/misappropriating his belongings.

Get angry, stay angry and be glad that he has fucked off now rather than another year down the line. Thanks

RichmondAvenue · 07/12/2017 15:05

What a wanker. Eliza's reply is fab! Really sorry carrot.....

FuzzyCustard · 07/12/2017 15:13

It won't be long before the ex is n MN bemoaning the fact that he is an irredeemable shit.
Carrot I think your life will take a turn for the better now. (Even though it hurts - this is short term pain for long term gain)

Saz1995 · 07/12/2017 15:17

I hope you’re bearing up lovely. Just think you know where you stand now and you deserve so much better, keep smiling xxx

TheEdge266 · 07/12/2017 15:22

She has a boyfriend! Why does he think she's changed? You're worth so much more. What a prick.

When he realises the mistake he's made, don't let him back in your life. The fact that his family hate her should show him something.

ToadOfSadness · 07/12/2017 15:39

Sorry for you, but better now than later.
They deserve each other and you deserve so much better.

AdalindSchade · 07/12/2017 15:39

He's such a weak idiot. You deserve much better than him!