Think he's left me and not told me?!

[Carrotgirl999]

Ok sorry, this might be long.

Been with partner around 6 months, just moved in together. Things have been fantastic until this weekend, when his ex got in touch and it threw him, they had a messy break up around a year ago and we're engaged, after 8 years together. She's basically begging for him back.

He told me honestly about their conversation, that he needed closure, felt strong when replying knowing he had a good life now with me.

Although he's been quieter since Saturday he assured me no reason to worry.

This morning I went to work, but had a gut instinct something wasn't right (randomly changed his WhatsApp pic from us to one of him) and my messages weren't delivering. I tried to call, no answer. I txt him to say I was going home early, when I called again he answered, said 'for fuck sake, ok hope you feel better soon.'

Got home an hour later, to be locked out (live in flats with communal entrance) his phone switched off and nowhere to be seen.

I got a neighbour to let me in, he isn't answering his phone, not receiving any messages, has basically vanished. All his things are here.

His smart new clothes he bought the other day have had the tags taken off and left so he's obviously wearing them. But no coat.

I'm thinking the worst. That he's left for good. Maybe being paranoid, but this is all VERY out of character. Never not been able to get hold of him before.

In the interest of not stop feeding, he left his ex one day taking nothing, just walking out, when he heard she had cheated. So he's capable of leaving things behind without second thought. He didn't tell me on the phone he was out but it looks as tho he waited for me to leave for work, got changed and went. Told me he had no plans, what he's making for tea, he was gunna do housework today, blah blah.

Someone talk some sense into me as my instincts are saying the worst has happened and he's gone back to her without so much as a backwards glance. :(

Feeble, cowardly, selfish, flakey bastard.

Thank goodness you’re rid of him, even though it hurts now it won’t soon and he will still be living his hectic, drama filled life and will never get anywhere with anyone relationship wise. He’s a child.

@Carrotgirl999 I promise you will look back at this in a couple of years and think phew.....how lucky I was not to get lumbered with this excuse for a man xx

Oh OP, I know it does not feel like it ATM but it best it happened now. Treat yourself and son to some nice treats over the next few days, you are going to have an amazing xmas now, with just people who actually love and deserve you!

You will feel better in no time, and he will realize what a pr**k he is when the novelty of being back with his ex has wore off, and she's cheating on him again :D

So sorry Carrot, this absolutely spineless cret does NOT deserve you.

@Carrotgirl999 I have another message. He's not coming back. He's unhappy. And he's sorry. Fuck

Ach, what a cowardly little turd he is.

OK, so you just need to get through this next crappy bit with your head held as high as it has been already. And then onto the next bit. And the bit after that. You will make it.

Strength, dear woman.

Be brave! You and your son can do better than a disappearing act and a dumping over text!

Well, at least you have the answer now.

And as much as people would like to flame me now for what I'm about to say, please take the time now to do the freedom programme.

The reality here is that this was a relationship of only six months. Him living/not living there is irrelevant at this stage other than with regard to the fact that you're responsible for packing his stuff.

But in any other situation people would be telling you that a relationship moving this quickly was in itself a red flag. The freedom programme will show you to recognise those issues in future before you get to the point of committing so quickly.

He sounds like an absolute tosser.
Pack up his shit and leave it outside. You deserve better.

How about: "the only amusing part of this is that you thought you had the option to come back. Your stuff is already packed and the locks have been changed. You have 48 to have your things collected. Do not come yourself."

Id just want him to know that you'd already dumped his sorry pathetic spineless arse

So sorry op. This will hurt like hell but you will be ok. More than ok

Yes @BitOutOfPractice! OP I would say exactly that ^^

Agree with @Bitoutofpractice reply!!

So sorry OP xx

I would give him 24 hours not 48, it's not as if the bastard has been courteous to you.

I wouldn't even give him that

I am so so sorry. What a fucking cowardly shit!

Quite surprising how many of these perfectly happy people suddenly decide to recreate history and say ‘not happy’ usually when someone else is sniffing around

Sorry OP. I'd just text him "Keys please."

Oh Carrot, holy fucking fuck. Something just like this happened to me. You just know. And everyone tells you there's no reason to think it, there must be a simple explanation, willing there to be a simple explanation; but you just know.

If it makes you feel any better when it happened to me I ran wailing through the streets of my home town, collapsed in a bawling heap outside my best friend's door as a clearly shaken passer-by kindly knocked on it for me as my legs were too weak and shaking to stand. I then lay sobbing in the fetal position on her dining room floor as her dh put the dc to bed.

Safe to say I do not handle break-ups well.

You, on the other hand... hats off. Hats off my woman, you will go far. As will your son with a rock like you as a mother.

So sorry. Look after yourself and your boy. You do not owe him anything and you've done so well holding it together these 24hrs, a lot of people wouldn't be able to be as restrained.

Carrot, I had a friend who something similar happened to, boyfriend went missing one weekend. She tracked him down on Monday and he said it was all off. She's now happily married to someone else but the disappearing ex came up to her in a pub years afterwards and begged for another chance, said it had been a terrible mistake. She had the satisfaction of knocking him back then - I think there is a good chance you will be in this position one day. Stay strong in the meantime and plan for a nice Christmas with your son.

Can I just say how sorry I am that this happened but you will get through it. I am another one that says text him saying "Keys back today and your stuff is outside the door. Nothing else to say". I would keep his Christmas presents and either return them or sell them on. Give no more time to this piece of scum.

Sorry OP

At least you don't have to do the 'pick me' dance. Decision made for you.

Don't reply. Arrange with his brother/mum to pick his stuff up.

There is nothing he could say that could forgive any of his actions. Just pure gutless.

What a prick. What a time to do it too.

Oh carrot I am so sorry that it has ended like this - but like others have already said, in time you will realise that you deserve so very much more than this excuse of a human.

I am glad you and your son have your own home...perhaps in a week or two you might feel like redecorating or rearranging it, making it a new space for you both.

When my first marriage broke up, my mother said to me "hearts don't break that easily". It took me a good while to understand that she is absolutely right.

Wow ... Just Wow.

What a complete and utter cunt. Childish pathetic man. Shell break him all over again and he wont have the wonderful Carrot this time. I hope his family let him know what a horrible twat he is.

'Your belongings are in bags on the doorstep, please fetch them and post your key through the letterbox, I am now blocking your number and won't be communicating with you again'