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Think he's left me and not told me?!

999 replies

Carrotgirl999 · 06/12/2017 13:51

Ok sorry, this might be long.

Been with partner around 6 months, just moved in together. Things have been fantastic until this weekend, when his ex got in touch and it threw him, they had a messy break up around a year ago and we're engaged, after 8 years together. She's basically begging for him back.

He told me honestly about their conversation, that he needed closure, felt strong when replying knowing he had a good life now with me.

Although he's been quieter since Saturday he assured me no reason to worry.

This morning I went to work, but had a gut instinct something wasn't right (randomly changed his WhatsApp pic from us to one of him) and my messages weren't delivering. I tried to call, no answer. I txt him to say I was going home early, when I called again he answered, said 'for fuck sake, ok hope you feel better soon.'

Got home an hour later, to be locked out (live in flats with communal entrance) his phone switched off and nowhere to be seen.

I got a neighbour to let me in, he isn't answering his phone, not receiving any messages, has basically vanished. All his things are here.

His smart new clothes he bought the other day have had the tags taken off and left so he's obviously wearing them. But no coat.

I'm thinking the worst. That he's left for good. Maybe being paranoid, but this is all VERY out of character. Never not been able to get hold of him before.

In the interest of not stop feeding, he left his ex one day taking nothing, just walking out, when he heard she had cheated. So he's capable of leaving things behind without second thought. He didn't tell me on the phone he was out but it looks as tho he waited for me to leave for work, got changed and went. Told me he had no plans, what he's making for tea, he was gunna do housework today, blah blah.

Someone talk some sense into me as my instincts are saying the worst has happened and he's gone back to her without so much as a backwards glance. :(

OP posts:
poppym12 · 07/12/2017 13:43

Spineless wazzock.

I would have to reply to his last self pitying text with 'too right you're not coming back. I'd made that decision yesterday. Your stuff is already in bags. I will hand it over when you send someone back with my keys today'.

Doublemint · 07/12/2017 13:44

What a coward. It doesn't feel like it now but you've had a lucky escape from such a weak pathetic man.

Yep stuff on the doorstep and key through the letter box time. WineThanksXmas Sad

ariellarose · 07/12/2017 13:46

What a coward.

I agree your message back should be dignified and practical.

It's a cliche but you are better off rid of him. He is a man child, you deserve so much more.

ThanksWine

PolentaDream · 07/12/2017 13:48

Agree with PP - "I've already decided that there's no place for your here. Your things are outside."

Stay strong. Flowers

HitManHitMan · 07/12/2017 13:48

Urgh what a fucking shit bag. You're well rid, he's not a man. Fuck that you deserve better.

PolentaDream · 07/12/2017 13:49

*you here. Sorry. Have some more FlowersFlowersFlowers

Bobbins43 · 07/12/2017 13:50

Carrot, I hope you're OK x

butterfly56 · 07/12/2017 13:51

Oh Carrot I am so sorry that you are having to go through this.
You deserve so much better in life.

Ask his brother to get your keys.
Pack his stuff and give it to his brother today.

Don't put yourself through anymore hell with the bastard. Flowers

HollyJollyDillydolly · 07/12/2017 13:53

What an asshat he is. Very sorry to hear he's treated you like this, he's a massive twunt.

UninspiringUserName · 07/12/2017 13:54

I have no words but I am in awe of your dignity, strength and utter brilliance. This will feel like shit, there's no doubt, but it will never again feel this bad. It doesn't feel like it now, but this cowardly man has done you a favour to show you his weakness so early on in the relationship. You will rise above this, and your son is so lucky to have you as his mother. You are incredible, just give yourself the next few days to grieve, then fake it 'til you make it over Christmas for your son and soon, this ridiculous man child will be just a distant memory.

Msqueen33 · 07/12/2017 14:00

Oh Carrot what a massive arsehole! Stay strong as you deserve a lot better.

PinkFluff2 · 07/12/2017 14:01

I am so sorry and I know you will feel like absolute crap right now. It's the worst when something is going well and then the person just suddenly turns into someone you don't recognise. I know that feeling so well too.

I wouldn't reply and just pack up his things, then give them to one of his family members. Silence will affect him more than any response.

magoria · 07/12/2017 14:04

Return/eBay his presents and spend it on you and DS.

Stay silent and dignified. He is not worthy of anything from you.

More fool him.

MrsMozart · 07/12/2017 14:09

Pack him up and ship him out lass.

Cry if you need to. Then look forward to a life that doesn't involve a self-centred arse.

Eliza9917 · 07/12/2017 14:09

Carrotgirl999
I have another message. He's not coming back. He's unhappy. And he's sorry. Fuck

I'd be tempted to reply 'I know you're not coming back, I already decided that' then pack his stuff and tell the BIL & SIL to come & get it.

LemonShark · 07/12/2017 14:11

Eliza, that's a perfect reply.

Gutted for you carrot as I know it hurts like absolute hell, but also relieved for you that you finally know. Maybe it's just me but nothing is more painfully intolerable than limbo.

BibbityBobbityBollocks · 07/12/2017 14:13

Oh OP I'm so sorry. That last message has me furious on your behalf. I would definitely go with BitOut or Polenta's message.
Let him know that coming back wasn't an option after his shitty cowardly behaviour,
Hand hold all the way. Cake Cake WineBrewFlowers for you. Friendly hair ruffle to your son too. I've got a feeling you two will be just fine without the wankpuffin Grin

NeilPetark · 07/12/2017 14:14

I would just text him ‘your stuff is outside, I’d like my key back now’.

BibbityBobbityBollocks · 07/12/2017 14:16

Or indeed Eliza's message. Gosh you buggers type fast Grin

Carrotgirl999 · 07/12/2017 14:19

Sorry, update, after a LOT of talking, it's the ex. She's begging for him
Back, surprise. He's not over her. Surprise. He's coming for his things tomorrow. I haven't read the rest of the replies yet but I will once Iv calmed down xx

OP posts:
amistillsexy · 07/12/2017 14:19

What a shit of a man. Stay strong, Carrot. You really have got off lightly with an arsehole like that. Flowers Wine

dontbesillyhenry · 07/12/2017 14:20

Wtf are you engaging with him?

LoneParenting101 · 07/12/2017 14:22

Oh I'm so so sorry. I've been there. I swear to you that one day you'll look back and feel so glad you're away from him. I promise you. Chuck his things into the communal area. To see him will destroy you

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 07/12/2017 14:23

Leave his stuff outside in bin bags - change the locks.

No more 'chats', it will just hurt you more later on that you let him explain his vile actions to you and you let him. Cut him off.

Aeroflotgirl · 07/12/2017 14:24

What a shit he is, your well rid of him. He was never over her in the first place and you were rebound relationship. Bet he treats her like crap again, no more than what he deserves.