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Original poster

My fiance been lying to me about watching porn

353 replies

Evelyn29 · 28/11/2017 12:21

So i have just found out my bf has lied to me over watching porn. I'm kind of upset and confused as to why he watches it? We have a healthy sex life. Although latley he has wanted to try new things in the bedroom..im thinking he's getting ideas from the porn? Also it makes me feel self conscience about myself. I'm a slim girl size 8 blonde hair I wear sexy lingerie for him all the time I send sexy photos and videos when he is on work to keep it spicy. So am i not enough? I just don't understand why he watches it? Id undertand if we never had sex but we do everyday. Am I right to be upset or is this normal for men to do? confused

OP posts:
Bringbeboback · 02/12/2017 09:25

@humps but in that token then surely we shouldn't watch normal films again until we know for a fact that the misogynistic giants have all been cut loose for good?! Why is it not ok to view porn incase a woman has been raped, but it's ok to view regular films where we have no idea what has been going on behind closed doors either. We can't control every single aspect of life. As long as we live as honourably as we can and keep our eyes open to things, that's all we can do

BertrandRussell · 02/12/2017 09:41

@back- can you confirm that the people you name are making free content?

Bringbeboback · 02/12/2017 09:42

I can confirm that

BertrandRussell · 02/12/2017 09:49

OK. So if I put one of those names into Pornhub, I will get guaranteed ethical free porn?

Humpsfor20yards · 02/12/2017 09:52

It's an interesting question that many people do wrestle with. 'Is art separate from the creator?' My friend burned her Rolf Harris drawing when he went to jail. Woody Allen's films have, for many, lost their sheen recently.

I tend to think a film is a team effort at entertainment, no writer/producer/actor should be able to single-handedly bring it down.

But what we're talking about here is porn: there is a big difference between cracking one out to 'deep throat' despite knowing that Linda Lovelace was sexually coerced throughout that film and enjoying 'Shakespeare in love'.

Bringbeboback · 02/12/2017 10:08

@humps so we can't ever watch any porn now and enjoy it because of unfortunate scenarios like Linda Lovelace??
This thread is getting boring as we are never, ever going to agree and it's just going round in circles. I'm open to the idea that bad stuff does happen in porn and there are dodgy individuals accessing it. You're not open to the idea that ethical porn can be found easily and people can lead completely normal lives who watch it.
So let's just agree to disagree. The OP hasn't returned and probably started this post to cause a shitstorm

WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 02/12/2017 10:26

Humpsfor20yards My point was that it didn't affect me, because despite already being a porn user when we got together, I never rushed into sex.

DH and I also have regular sex alongside my personal masturbation sessions; I simply have a high sex drive. DH isn't being rejected due to my porn use, nor does it affect the way I view him.

TammySwansonTwo · 02/12/2017 10:49

So you think that regularly viewing porn from such a young age hasn't shaped you at all, and the fact you waited to have sex for a year proves this? Sure.

There is a massive difference between watching films that may have been produced or star a man who has assaulted women, and literally masturbating to women who may be being assaulted in the footage you're watching. It's remarkable that this needs pointing out but here we are.

hollowtree · 02/12/2017 10:52

I think bring has made some really good points. I would also like to add that when I referenced 'amaterur' earlier I meant couples who have uploaded their own material to websites because they want it to be seen. Not amateur companies.

humps I think you are just arguing for the sake of argument now. You haven't contributed any new points except your 'squashed snail' comment which is just childish.

I honestly think some posters here have just seen 'Taken' and based their entire responses on that.

I'm afraid it is absolutely 100% true that some women choose this as their career and are treated and paid well for it. Play Boy Bunnies are rich and famous which is what they want. Actors and actresses are paid for showcasing what they are good at. No one responded to my comment about Nuts magazine readers who post naked selfies in the hope of being selected for the next issue.

This industry IS a choice for some people. That is a fact. You should be glad to read of the companies with a code of ethics who are protecting their employees and not miffed that it's spoiling your argument.

hollowtree · 02/12/2017 10:54

tammy it has already been pointed out several times that no one is watching productions involving assault. It is being resourced from directors who work to a strict ethical code.

It's remarkable that this needs pointing out again but here we are

Bringbeboback · 02/12/2017 11:05

Tammy's points are beyond dull. She keeps repeating things that we have already explained and backed up.
Nice that you think it's fine to watch a film where someone like Harvey was definitely abusing women, but you think it's morally wrong to watch porn where there might be a tiny chance that someone was abused. Weird

Humpsfor20yards · 02/12/2017 11:17

humps I think you are just arguing for the sake of argument now

Whereas the rest of the arguements here are deeply profound? Grin

I don't care if women are abused, think about pigs and spiders? All are worthy.

I don't care if women are abused, Harvey Weinstein abuses women too.

I don't care if women are abused, I need to see it to get aroused.

Bringbeboback · 02/12/2017 11:21

None of us said we don't care if women are abused. Well I certainly didn't. Get a bloody grip of yourself!
You carry on living in your little narrow-minded bubble that porn is the only industry in the world where damaging things might be happening

Humpsfor20yards · 02/12/2017 11:24

porn is the only industry in the world where damaging things might be happening

Who said that?

Bringbeboback · 02/12/2017 11:27

Well you're ridiculing me for making examples of the normal film industry or the meat trade. I'm sure there are many people who would feel just as strongly about those things as you do about porn. Let's take the piss out of everyone who doesn't agree will all of our opinions though Hmm

Humpsfor20yards · 02/12/2017 11:29

Let's take the piss out of everyone who doesn't agree will all of our opinions though

Not ALL your opinions, no.

Bringbeboback · 02/12/2017 11:37

Funny that some of the ones who are anti porn are the ones mocking and being rude on here and trying to goad.

RagingFemininist · 02/12/2017 12:43

it has already been pointed out several times that no one is watching productions involving assault. It is being resourced from directors who work to a strict ethical code.

Really, all porn is ethical now?
Even when the woman on the video looks very high on drugs?
Wow.

Bringbeboback · 02/12/2017 12:44

I'm sure she meant the people posting on this thread have repeated themselves over and over again that they pick and choose the porn they watch and are confident it doesn't involve assault. Jeez

rale124 · 02/12/2017 12:54

Policing ethical behaviour? That's just sounds like code for been a controlling partner to me. Ethics are either shared or their not...you can't nag and prod someone into sharing your ethical code. It all sounds very narcisistic to me.

I think if it was on the other gender and the subject wasnt porn the reaction on here would be very different.

As for the pro/anti porn discussion the disdain towards sex workers is frankly terrible. Personally i'd rather my daughter wasn't a sex worker as I don't really consider it 'meaningful' work (although respectfully I don't consider any entertainment work meaningful including big name Hollywood actresses when those societal resources could be better spent on science and technology, welfare for the needy etc). I'd rather my daughter had a career or trade that bettered our society and our species not sat round on talkshows yapping about themselves.

However if my daughter was in need of a job rather than a career due to economic need and she chose the relatively high paying field of sex work I'd rather she was safe in doing so. Which isnt helped by prudes wanting to push sex workers into the shadows.

My mother wiped old peoples arses to look after us as kids. I don't particularly respect wiping arse in itself as its disgusting and degrading work but I respect my mum for going out and doing a hard nights work to look after her family like most care workers. You don't have to respect the work but you do have to respect people and their choices. Which as it happens may be different to yours.

Humpsfor20yards · 02/12/2017 14:13

As for the pro/anti porn discussion the disdain towards sex workers is frankly terrible.

Who is showing disdain towards sex workers?

BertrandRussell · 02/12/2017 15:53

"You carry on living in your little narrow-minded bubble that porn is the only industry in the world where damaging things might be happening"

Nobody said that.

"As for the pro/anti porn discussion the disdain towards sex workers is frankly terrible."

Well there is plenty of distain for sex workers from pro porn people- some posters have practically described them as collateral damage in their search for orgasm.......

Animation86 · 02/12/2017 15:55

I’m not sure the debate about porn being ethical or not is even helping OP figure out her feelings over her bf lying about viewing it.

BertrandRussell · 02/12/2017 16:00

"Well you're ridiculing me for making examples of the normal film industry or the meat trade. I'm sure there are many people who would feel just as strongly about those things as you do about porn. Let's take the piss out of everyone who doesn't agree will all of our opinions though"

The ridicule heaped on the heads of anti porn people is extraordinary. On this thread alone we have been prudes, puritans, pearl clutchers, controlling,..... the list goes on. A little mild mockery for making a totally spurious analogy is mild by comparison.g

Nancy91 · 02/12/2017 16:14

This argument is redundant, nobody is changing their mind about porn and it's irrelevant anyway because the OP wasn't asking about ethics in the first place, she was feeling insecure.

Not that the OP is ever coming back!