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Original poster

Two months dating - what to expect for Birthday?

121 replies

teaandcakeat8 · 27/11/2017 14:38

Just that - I’ve been seeing a guy for a couple of months pretty regularly - at least twice a week. We haven’t talked about being exclusive but I’m fairly confident he isn’t seeing anyone else.

It’s my birthday tomorrow. I’m seeing friends for it in the evening but am seeing him tonight. He doesn’t seem too concerned - says he has no plans made but we can go out or he will cook - should I be expecting more effort at this stage?

I’ll be staying at his so will see him in the morning eg my actual birthday.

OP posts:
PanGalaticGargleBlaster · 28/11/2017 11:02

Nothing wrong with a card, flowers or being taken out for dinner. A few on here seem to be expecting way more, specifically something expensive no less.

ShellyBoobs · 28/11/2017 11:03

Fucking hell. The poor bloke.

Do him a huge favour and end it now.

Fluffyblanket17 · 28/11/2017 11:06

When I was first seeing my now husband I told him not to get me anything for my birthday, it was a bit awkward because what do you get after a few weeks, I saw him in town on a night out the night before my birthday and he’d brought me a pack of love heart sweets (my fave) small gesture but I thought it was lovely.

Pavonia · 28/11/2017 11:18

OP so had you actually told him which day was your birthday or was he supposed to work it out?

Amatree · 28/11/2017 11:43

I don't personally see it as grabby and needy but it's about having standards in how you expect to be treated. I agree the OP seems to have overreacted a bit but I agree with the principle of setting the bar high early in a relationship as it's only going downhill from there!

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 28/11/2017 11:50

Ok - I was ready to dump him

You hadn't even told him which day it was!

Here's hoping the poor sod showers you with diamonds on Thursday Confused

FinallyHere · 28/11/2017 12:39

would it be a dealbreaker?

Doesn't everyone have their own idea of what makes or breaks a deal? Isn't that, when it comes down to it, what it means to be in a relationship with someone. As it happens, no fuss for my birthday, or rather, me getting to decide exactly what and how much fuss is made for my birthday is my ideal. Surprises have no appeal to me, would always just choose for myself. DH loves surprises, so much so that he would rather have years of misses for the joy of the occasional hit when it comes to presents.

Our different views are not a deal breaker, we just talk about it and adjust around each other.

OP, would it be a deal breaker for you? Or are you happy to wait and see?

category12 · 28/11/2017 12:42

A meal and champagne when he didn't know what day it was is good going. Hmm

FinallyHere · 28/11/2017 12:42

He said I should have explicitly told him it was today instead of hinting

OK, now your options are clear, either do what he saids, take responsibility for your own preferences and explain them to him straightforwardly or spend the rest of your relationship being alternately over the moon or disappointed, depending on what he chooses. Michelle Obama said 'focus on what you can control'. Its a good idea, don't give away your opportunities to decide stuff for yourself.

AFistfulOfDolores · 28/11/2017 12:49

I’m not sure if it’s really needy to expect a card

I’m using this as a guide to his level of interest in something long-term

Can you see the contradiction inherent in your two statements, OP? You are not simply expecting a card, are you?

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 28/11/2017 13:07

Honestly OP, stop being led by posters on this thread. They don't know you, they don't know him - and they have their own agendas and/or reasons for posting what they do.

It's a mix of boasting, sneeriness, side-swiping, one-upmanship or just plain spite... with a few pleasant posters in between.

You've had good advice to communicate; do that. If you expected something then talk to him about it. 2 months isn't 'nothing' (despite some being desperate to make you accept that), it's 2 months. Two months of what though? Only you know that.

Be clear and don't be led by what other people do - or more importantly - say they do because people lie.

WillowWeeping · 28/11/2017 15:26

It’s absolutely not needy or princess- like to expect a man who you’ve presumably been on 20+ dates with and with whom you share a degree of intimacy to mark your birthday in the universally acknowledged customary fashion.

Those who think it is need to get higher standards.

Pinkpillows · 28/11/2017 15:32

I wanna know how you dump someone your not exclusively with?

It's just a bit of fun at the moment a card will do

Run for the hills to the guy run run run

SilverySurfer · 28/11/2017 15:38

Pinkpillows
Run for the hills to the guy run run run

This, with bells on. Do him a favour and dump him, poor chap.

PanGalaticGargleBlaster · 28/11/2017 15:46

It’s absolutely not needy or princess- like to expect a man who you’ve presumably been on 20+ dates with and with whom you share a degree of intimacy to mark your birthday in the universally acknowledged customary fashion.

A Gingsters chicken and mushroom slice and some flowers from Esso garage?

NoFuckingRoomOnMyBroom · 28/11/2017 17:07

So he cooked for you & bought champagne but you were ready to dump him because he'd mixed up the date of something you hadn't actually told him outright when it was? Riiiiiiiight Hmm
Poor bloke, stop playing games then being wounded when he doesn't buy into your bullshit.

Sarahh2014 · 28/11/2017 17:09

We went on holiday after 8 weeks for my birthday but think that's fairly unusual I certainly hadnt expected more than some chocolate or a card

YellowMakesMeSmile · 28/11/2017 17:12

I was ready to dump him

Yes, do him a favour and let him go so he can find someone who wants him not his cash.

IJoinedJustToPostThis · 28/11/2017 17:13

Don't expect a card. Lots of blokes don't bother with them.

A champagne dinner is lovely, especially considering you're not 'officially' a couple.

IJoinedJustToPostThis · 28/11/2017 17:16

if you want to be treated like a princess

.... So, given material goods, looked at a lot, but not listened to? I would rather be treated as an equal.

What are you getting him for Christmas, OP?

Ellisandra · 28/11/2017 18:13

FFS! You hadn't even told him the date?
What kind of stupid childish game are playing?
Poor man.

WitchesHatRim · 28/11/2017 18:22

Those who think it is need to get higher standards.

Well maybe start by telling them when the actual date is!

He has cooked dinner and bought champagne. You have seen each other 2 months. You don't even know if he is seeing some one else.

ElephantsandTigers · 28/11/2017 18:31

I'd been with my dh for one calendar month on my birthday. We were most definitely in an exclusive (not a thing then) relationship and it was a proper relationship. I'd have been surprised and upset to get nothing other than a spoken happy birthday greeting.

ferntwist · 28/11/2017 20:20

How did it go in the end, did he do anything? P.S. Happy birthday! X

overnightangel · 28/11/2017 20:34

So he does something absolutely lovely in cooking for you and getting champagne, and you were gonna dump him cos he got the date mixed up?
You should’ve done him a favour ....

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