Have you had a midlife crisis?

[Mylaststraw]

I'm in the right age range for it, never imagined that kind of thing would happen to me, but following events about a year back I've realised that life wasn't quite what I thought, relationship wise, for quite some time. Career is in the pan, not sure I can rely on dh being a team in the future, I feel like the past 20 years have been a mistake, regret things and wish I'd made different decisions - classic stuff. Working on it, but... Well, it's hard to move forward with life/shit still happening...
Is it just a stage ppl go through? Have you pulled through the classic midlife crisis and realised it was just a stage of doubt? Or did you bail and regret it? Or even come out the other side better for it? How??
I feel like I'm slowly edging towards a big change, not sure what but I seem to be taking one step forward and two back with life progression atm.

Bibbidee they definitely don't. Irrespective of the damage the have done and cause, they show no remorse.

In my case he doesn't have the kids to run after half the time. This woman has given him a way out of the difficulties in life. He doesn't have to face any of his demons yet and is being plied with compliments.

I don't see a future for them but at the end of the day it's not my problem anymore.

What I have noticed, it is normally attributed to men in midlife, this desire to leave everything and be young and carefree again. While in reality (and this thread is evidence), women in MLC also experience the longing for exciting new life free of the drudge and boring responsibilities. Enough women, too, embark on an affair during this time in their lives.

This is what is a MLC is: when on the facts of it, people finally have most aspects of their lives sorted and then bewilderingly, just derail, go wild and do crazy stuff. It depends on the person if they come to regret this crazy (to the outsiders) behaviour or not, though... I know a few men who didn’t and some of those who did and who would do anything for the ex wife to have them back. Unfortunately, by then the damage is done.

@GeriT Agree, mine shows no compassion or remorse whatsoever. Won't even speak to me about the kids. I have been totally severed. Even his family were completely bewildered.

I think I preempted one. A couple of years ago I had a feeling that DH and I were heading down a path I didn't want us on. We were lucky enough to have the resources to make a major change to our lives and the confidence in one another to share the experience. We have changed things completely. Changed jobs, changed countries, changed lifestyles. It hasn't solved everything by any means but it's been a fantastic experience. That said... ask me again in five years!

I'm 39 and I'm just coming out of one. A couple of years of mental. I'm not happy about it. It felt very destructive at the time, but at least I felt alive and free. I'm getting back to 'normal' now, being a good wife and mother, but inside I'm screaming. The monotony, loneliness and the feeling that all the good bits of my life are over, is frankly terrifying.

Hope you got on at the Dr ok Flynn

Im another one gakling at the thought of making more effort. Im burnt out. Its all i can do to just tread water in the daily drudge. Im sick of being unappreciated.

I jyst want someone else in my family to make the effort off thrir own back. Not after ive lost my shit and yelled and moaned at them all. I just want one of them to just show me they realise im a human and not a robotic housemaid at thier beck and call. I have nothing left in me energy wise to ask/explain yet again!

Defo had a mdc two years ago I had an.emotionalmaffair
Wanted to.run away
Needed excitement
Felt my life was over
Regretted decisions made in my youth 20's and 30'
Cried on the way to work every day
Deep down I knew I'd married a good man even if a felt like I didn't love him ( very painful)
I Did one drastic crazy deed
But knew the 'issues ' were not his (husbands) but mine
Took private therapy
Still work in progress
But still married and still.working on it
But pleased I didnt wrecking life
Lovehubby again.....phew

MLC not mdc.
Basically I've learnt that
' NO.ONE IS GOING TO SAVE YOU'

quote is very true
You have to save your self ...no one else is to.blame
Understand yourself
Avoid escapism in all it's forms

Exercise has helped, getting control of my thunder thighs
I have no control over my working life , younger people getting promoted over me.
My children are growing fast. my daily grind to pay the mortgage is a grind
I've given up being career minded.

But
I'm getting control.of my body
I'm fitter than I've been my whole life
( not that fit to be honest but fitter than before )
It gives me a sense of self belief and pride
Clears my mind

Anyone agree ?
Or understand me?

I'm 38 and in the middle of one. I married and had my children too young. I never really lived. I'm being so self destructive. I've been having an emotional affair which someone 8 years younger which was nearly more until he ghosted me last week and now I feel like an old fool

And i don't want to.sound 'smug married '
Our marriage is as shaky as anyone's
We have little on common except the kids
They are the glue
Work in progress every day

Avoid escapism in all it's forms dialect
Work on your self
It's harder to Do that but it's less destructive

I get you Spud. Control is essential. Who wouldn't want it?

And fucking well done to ya. It's not easy getting fit when you have a job and children, yay for you. Seriously.

Spudlike I relate to what you are saying and it seems your attitude is working. It took me a while to recognise the issues were not my H’s, but mine. I think it is an instinctive reaction to try and place the blame on the external factors and seek the solution on the outside. But IME you are perfectly correct, it is an internal crisis which no one but you can solve.

I reckon this is why MLC is often regarded with such derision. To people on the outside the person going through it seems mad. There often are no plausible explanations to their behaviour and no ‘reasons’ for them to be unhappy. That’s why MLC is so dangerous and destructive. There is no warning often and there is so much to lose at that stage in one’s life.

I agree with your bold sentence ‘No one is going to save you’. They aren’t, they are happy with everything. You are the one who isn’t, so the ball is in your court.

I get you Spud - have started running again & it's a great outlet.

But I do love my escapism! My lottery fantasies keep me sane.

I find I need excitement now, though get that through travel and activities. I think its as DH had two friends die quickly early 40s and it made me think if I only had a year left to live and was too ill to do anything what would I regret not having done? .

This thread resonates with me, sadly. I sometimes thing I am going mad, I don't know who I am anymore. My confidence is shot, yet I look better than I have done in years - I have lost weight and am fitter too. I think when you get older your world shrinks. I hate my job but I think I might hate every job because the type of work I would get, if I could get a job at 52, would be equally unfulfilling. I feel like life is happening to me, rather than being in any sort of control. My relationship is not great. I feel like I don't matter, and question why the hell are we all here, what are we doing? I have made bad decisions, it feels too late to change. This is as good as it gets, and it's a bit pants. And then I see other people and their troubles and feel selfish for my petty grievances.

@spudlike1 I commend you 😊👍

I jyst want someone else in my family to make the effort off thrir own back. Not after ive lost my shit and yelled and moaned at them all

An almost daily occurrence here. Dh is a little better atm, but the amount of shit it's taken to get to this point is ridiculous.

Good on you spud for achieving what you have. What do you do about issues which come from other ppl though? (as above) No amount of me working on myself seems to change the behaviour of others, which is a great contributing factor to the way I (and many others) feel. Not trying to put you/your methods down at all.

No amount of me working on myself seems to change the behaviour of others, which is a great contributing factor to the way I (and many others) feel.

You cannot change anyone else's behaviour and I wouldn't waste any more of your precious energy in trying.

The only behaviour you can control is your own. And that includes taking back the power to define and respect yourself on your own terms.

MoreProseccoNow
When I say avoid escapism I mean : alcohol, social media/fb , unhealthy relationships they are not the cure
I have used them all to unhealthy level s to avoid facing my low mood and still do, but I try to moderate . I sometimes by lottery also

Can't run for toffee . swimming is my cure as often as I can .really really helps

Mylaststraw
When im positive and not feeling low or helpless my ability to deal with others and their shit is transformed ...seriously .
So I have to find ways to change my mood approach and be aware of myself

timefortea I'm impressed that you've had the motivation to get fitter and look better than previously though. That's an achievement!