30 days no contact Thread no 3

[heartnothead]

Here we go with thread no. 3

Please do read my last post 1000 on thread 2.

Well I did everything right. I didn't post on Facebook. I didn't message him there or anything. He messaged me at half 8 saying he was taking me off for the time being.. Hes actually gone one better and blocked me. Said he's not.coping and this is his way of dealing with things while he gets himself sorted. That he's really not himself and won't be until he gets his life sorted. That seeing me on Facebook isn't helping him. Hes making it sound likes he's the anguished one when all this is him choosing to shut me out, not speak to me and basically end things I have done nothing. Absolutely nothing to cause this. I can't put into words the hurt I feel

I’ve literally slept for 2 hours in total. I’m a mess again! I can’t stop thinking about the two of them together and the photos I saw on Facebook. Why did I have to look?!

Day 1 has started.

Liza you looked because you're a human being in pain. Sorry you haven't slept much. Day 1 means a fresh start.
If it helps I'm back on Day 2 I think because I had to send an email on Monday about the rest of my belongings that I need to collect.
Does that count?

So sorry for what you are going through rejected. He may well be in pain, but that doesn't diminish yours. This process is about you, not about him. Keep going. Ami has shown us that it works.

Thanks iris. I just need to start blocking him out of my head. He was actually sending me messages last night trying to be my friend! I politely but firmly reminded him of it isn’t about dd then leave me the fuck alone!

Iris65- Day 1. Fresh start- you can do this! Do you still have him on facebook as a friend? Block him if you can. Day 7 for me. A whole bloody week. Yippee!

Sorry just re read this. That message for Iris was meant for Liza!!

Hope everyone is doing well. I clearly haven't had my morning coffee

Haha Dolly- I’ve deactivated my account and my sister changed the password. Just want the hurt and pain to go!

Liza- And you know that other time it will. I read a quote somewhere, "pain is a debt that is paid off by time." Keep strong. Just think of the day in the future when you can put a picture up with your new man on FB

Day 1 starts. I can't bear to delete his number although I deleted all the messages. His number is my only lifeline to contact him and I can't sever it at the moment. I keep checking his last seen on wattsapp. Hes been on and off of it a lot since about 8 am. Head going round an f round thinking is he sending all those lovely messages he sent to me to someone else. Hurts like fuck. Maybe he's reading my messages and missing me. I don't know. I hate to say it but I think he has gone and I wish I knew why. Only have him saying it's cos of his job, he's not in a good place and he needs to be on his own to deal with it. I don't know why but I just don't believe him. No kisses on the end. No sorry. Nothing about how he feels about me. Why delete and block me. I never wrote anything to him or about him on Facebook . Why erase me from his life like this. That's what bloody hurts . Got a bath running. Going to Lay in the bath for a bit. I haven't bathed since Sunday as I have felt so low and upset so this is a step in the right direction I guess. I will probably post on here lots today as I can't contact him . Some of it might not make any sense. Just bear with me as I feel like I am dying

Oh rejected. Lots of for you. I know how it feels. The initial pain is unbearable and something I wouldn't wish on my worst enemies. Just know that it gets a little less everyday. Please delete his number. Looking on whatsapp is only torturing yourself x

Thanks Dolly. In a way I’m glad I’ve found out he has moved on, I guess I was waiting for a grovelling text message that was never gonna come. I can start thinking of myself and dd and our future now.

As I’ve learnt the hard way in the last 24 hours rejected- it’s difficult but social media stalking needs resistance! Twice this morning I’ve been tempted but I’ve resisted both times by keeping myself busy.

My dd keeps me focused and I know I’ve got to get through this for her sake and give her the best life I can. When thoughts of him and her come into my mind I replace it with one of my little girl. She is most definately my strength.

Liza- I reckon everyone is waiting for that grovelling text (I secretly am) I am so glad to hear that your thoughts are on you and DD's future. It's going to be a great one!

Let’s hope so Dolly.

You seem to be coping so well now. How do you do it? I know I’ve done it before but I feel like I’ve forgotten.

Yep just looked and he's always been on wattsapp within a few.minutes of me looking. Who is he messaging ???

LizaJane85- I am suprised at how well I am coping, I didn't think I'd be like this at all. The rose tinted glasses have come off so I am no longer trying to justify his actions and how much of an unfaithful pig he is. I wrote myself a 2 page reminder to my self of everything he has done, lied about and other things. I read it every night before I go to sleep. Whenever I think of him and feel like I am missing him, I just picture him shagging the girl he slept with. That puts me off everytime.

Also, at the end of the day I have no regrets. I have begged, pleaded, cried but most importantly I have said everything I have needed to say and I have fought as hard as I could. He sure as hell can't say the same!

You will get there again. Even stronger this time. Just take each day as it comes x

Rejected- I know it is hard but please stop torturing yourself

The thing is he wasn't horrible. He was lovely to me. The first man I have met who showered.me with love and affection. That's why it hurts. He literally didn't do anything horrible to me ever

I just can’t stop thinking of the two of them together. It’s driving me nuts. I don’t even think it’s because I want him back! I guess I’m having a hard time detaching.

Has anyone benefitted from counselling?

Rejection- What he's doing now is horrible?

LizaJsne85- I can't imagine what you're going through. Knowing my ex slept with someone was awful but couldn't imagine what it would be like to know he is with someone else. You are so strong. I went to a few therapy sessions. I didn't find it helped me much personally but everyone is different

Yeah but he wrapping up under being down not himself and losing his job. Funny no one else is being unfriended or blocked . Hes still doing his hobby each week and talking about it and posting about it online so he's not stopped that. Seems like he's is using it as an excuse to dump me. When I said that to him he said Thanks!!!!! I am having a hard time and none of this is easy for me.

Ok Dolly, I thought at this stage anything is worth a go! It’s is truly awful. He must have emotionally detached himself from me a long time ago if he is able to just move on like this. I just want to fast forward a year and feel better

Liza- Give it a go! I did think the first appointment helped as it was good to talk out loud to someone I didn't know. It'd be easier to just wake up in a year away from the hurt but we need to feel it and learn from it x

I'm lucky that my ex doesn't do social media. He is almost totally reclusive apart from his job (which is a few hours a week around others as he works at home).
The difficult thing is that I know exactly where he is and what he is doing at almost any moment because he is very, very rigid in his routine (part of the Aspergers or whatever the heck is wrong with him) so instead of peeking on FB I could actually go and see him.
But I won't because that would be so humiliating and painful.
Sitting here with intense anxiety though.
Dolly you are doing so well!
rejected rejection is so painful. It physically hurts. Be kind to yourself.
Liza yes, time will pass and we will all feel better this time next year!

As I said girls, as helpful as this thread is, doesn’t anyone want to WhatsApp? I sometimes find myself waiting for posts and WhatsApp is a bit more instant. I’m not some kind of dodgy person, honestly but I love the support from this thread xx