30 days no contact Thread no 3

[heartnothead]

Here we go with thread no. 3

Please do read my last post 1000 on thread 2.

Liza to be fair how could you not message after that. Big hugs, I would have done the same. What did you say?

Iris Yeah I know it's hard isn't it, and I can't take a day off as (hard to explain) but people literally rely on me and without me doing what I do, there would be big issues each day. Like I just can't miss a day of work, which my ex can't understand.

Good 😀

I just exploded at him. It bloody kills that he has moved on so quickly! He says he will always be there for me and he will always love me. Yeah right, while he is knobbing some other bird!

You guys are so wonderful xx

x post with you meow. The good was meant for dolly laughing,

He says he will always be there for me and he will always love me. Is this a way of keeping you on the backburner?

I reckon so iris. Can you really come out of an 8 year relationship where you married that person, straight into a new one after 8 weeks and it be successful?

LizaJane85- No. A rebound relationship. It will never work. Also another attempt to numb out what he is actually thinking/feeling. Another coping mechanism to distract himself.

Iris65- I wish I could put a picture of her on here but I know thats mean. I have never felt stronger in my life and atleast now when I imagine him shagging her I actually know what she looks like

Day 1 again tomorrow

Good for Dolly

Here for you iris.

Love you meow

What happened Geri?

Place marking. Can't believe I am back here . Never thought he would do this :(

Welcome rejected. Please share your story

He actually thinks we will be friends after a while! Deluded arsehole

Ha Lisa my exbf also said that on the last day of contact - I said I don’t think so!

They are deluded aren’t they?

Geri what’s happened?
dolly I can tell how strong you’re getting, you’re doing great. Keep howling and looking at that list
Liza what an absolute fucker! It will not last anyway, totally rebound but what an insensitive knob! She’ll know he’s only just separated. She might look smug now but she’ll be worried inside. Fancy introducing him to her kids and posting happy family pics already. Stinks of desperation to me

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3080489-Phased-out-dumped-Please-please-help-Feel-like-I-am-Drowning?pg=1&order=

This is my story. Please help as the pain is unbearable.

Thanks aminuts- I really do feel like I’m getting stronger everyday. It’ll be a week tomorrow. Also I find whispering “he ain’t shit” under your breath helps when thinking of them

There was no way of avoiding him today. He was acting like that night he was vile and tried to turn it on me never happened.

Where can I find the 30 days no contact rules? I really need help

Rejected the only rule is that you don’t contact him for 30 days. This is tough, really tough. Everyone here is at different stages of it and are all supporting each other. You might lapse, you might not but we’ll be here to pick you up and put you straight again.

The 30 days rule is likely a godsend for the man who has treated you badly as he’s not confronted with the pain and grief he has caused. BUT by not contacting him you can deal with your grief, anger, upset, devastation on here. Write it all down, vent here and not at him.

As you get to a week, then 2, then 3 you get stronger all the time. The first days are really hard whilst you withdraw. But once you start to feel better it improves in leaps and bounds day after day and by day 30 you should be feeling normal again (or almost there). This means that when (or if) your ex contacts you at some point you’ve had time and space to clear your head, organise your thoughts, see them for what they were and tell them to get well and truly lost.

It works! I’m proof. Keep posting

Ok. Yes I was on the other page of no contact about a fling I had (was married and shouldn't have but marriage was going to the wall and it was a mistake) I ended up on anti anxiety meds during the no contact early days as I was so so unhappy and depressed. The bloke was clearly a narc and was in another relationship after a week. I am totally over him . This new guy came along in the middle of that and to be honest he was a welcome distraction from NC with the first bloke and my marriage breaking down. Ironically I don't feel sad about the marriage breakdown at all. It's the right thing to do. I don't like him , have no feelings for him at all. Meeting New man made me realise men can be kind. Lots of nice things he said. Brought me a bottle of perfume I said I liked on the second date. If he was going to be at work or busy he would always say. Would always message and ring when he said he would. Wanted to talk to me every day. Text me first thing in.the morning and last thing at night. Lots of memes (posted about it on here as I was worried it was a red flag after the narc I was seeing) he was so loving to me. We never slept together as I wanted to take it slow after being used by the narc. He was fine with this. Said he was happy to wait. Was happy all the time I was happy. Seemed to good to be true in fact. I was so calm and content with him. First time I have been that relaxed with anyone. I opened up to him. Told him what had gone on in my marriage. Bits of it. That I had been subject to violence. He was so caring. So lovely . I miss it all. I miss him. He lost his job 3 weeks ago and basically pulled the shutters down. Says he is in a bad place dealing with losing his job. That he needs time and space. He gradually tailed off contact. Hes unfollowed me as of yesterday on Twitter. But has kept me as a Facebook friend. I am checking it every half hour all day and all night to see if he's unfriended me. He said he needs to get his life sorted an f that means taking a break from everything . When he's sorted he will see how the land lies but that will be in his own time and he hopes I understand. Pretty sure I have Been dumped. Messaged this morning saying I miss him and hope he's ok and I wish he would pick up the phone x he's read it . No reply. It's now been 24 hours of nothing from him. I am in bits. I keep crying. Can't sleep. Finding it hard to eat. I feel like an idiot. I opened up to him. I don't understand why he's done this. There was no row. Will he come back to me when he feels better. Has he gone. Two weeks ago he said he was falling for me and he loved me. Now this. I am so hurt I can't put it into words. I also realise the level of hurt I feel is way OTT and more of a reflection of my mental state.

I’m sorry you’re hurting Rejected. I think a lot of us feel that amongst everything else that you miss, it’s the shock that can be hard too. I think it would be best for you to accept that this is probably over. I know some people withdraw when they’re having a hard time but I’m not like that and I can’t imagine being like that either. Sounds like he’s maybe had second thoughts. Especially cruel when he was being so lovely. Seems to be a pattern sadly. In my experience men seem to be cowardly and will literally say anything that ensures they are not seen in a bad light by anyone (eg. We weren’t that serious, she’s being hysterical, she’s clingy blah blah). It’s do divert attention from their shitty behaviour. You’ve been through an absolutely shit time so I’m not surprised you developed feelings for this man who seemed kind to you. But he’s not being kind right now, this is who he is in real life. It sounds like you need time for you to recover from everything you’ve been through

Crying for the first time today. I really, really want to send my ex an email telling him how much I loved him, how much he has hurt me and how good our lives could have been.
I want to be held and stroked and kissed like he used to. I stood in the kitchen with my arms wrapped around myself. Is this it? Maybe I am never going to be held and kissed like that again.

Can you really come out of an 8 year relationship where you married that person, straight into a new one after 8 weeks and it be successful?

We both know the answer to that!

Thanks everyone. Just got back from dinner with an old friend. I’ll be ok. I know I deserve better.

Back to day one for me tomorrow