30 days no contact Thread no 3

[heartnothead]

Here we go with thread no. 3

Please do read my last post 1000 on thread 2.

I've just got my own place! Dd and I have our fresh start

@LizaJane85 - wonderful news. Wishing you a wonderful new start!

Day 9 for me. Am plodding along. Will never contact again. Am wondering what he's thinking and am starting to think of all his bad traits. How I ever thought we would end up together I will never know.

That’s fabulous Liza. Fresh start xx

Liza, wishing you and your DD every happiness in your new home.

Nk day 9 is great. The way you are thinking sounds like NC is helping.

I am now, hopefully at a place that i will no longer contact him but still wonder if he will ever get in touch. Starting to look at myself more as know full well if he made contact i would reply. Why would I?

Iris, I hope you are ok.

Good luck everyone. Have a good day.

That is great news Liza! Really pleased for you.
anxious Thanks for asking. I’m OK. I’ve started seeing a counsellor because it is just not normal to stay with or miss someone so much who is very abusive. I am also having times when I feel angry that he treated me so badly. I am hoping ot bulld on it!
NK1 The (long, long) list I have of my ex’s abuse is my lifeline. Well done on day 9. I moved out 28 days ago, but have sent some very brief emails. If I am honest then I am only day 2 again, but my last two contacts have been about the stuff that is still in the house,

Is anyone still out there?

Tried to redownload KIK and it wouldn't let me.

I miss my ladies and things have gone from bad to worse

dolly hiii, I fell off the wagon a bit, just trying to get back on track. I'm not sure if I was in the right kik group as I never saw anyone talk. So came back on here. Anyway what's happened?

There's another thread that is active, 'help me stay NC'

dolly how are you? This thread just seemed to go quiet. How are you? What’s happened? X

@Aminuts23 and @itsjustmarley - I was doing so well but could never get past 11 days for some reason!

We have been broken up for 2 months now but a couple of days ago I found out that he had slept with someone else during our relationship.

Feel like it is a never ending pile of pain

I don't want to go into too much detail because it hurts but it involves a "FWB" or what I thought was a FWB. We're both married and I know that means it was doomed but fuck it. The heart wants what the heart wants.

Anyway, he finished it a couple of months ago and I actually applaud him for it but I'm gutted. I thought he wouldn't be able to resist and I asked him if he'd like to spend a couple of hours with me in my hotel (we're both in the same city for different reasons). He knocked me back. So message finally received loud and clear.

The problem is we work together. I'll do my best to avoid him for the next few days until after the NY but I have to go no contact and it's killing me. I always find a reason to text him but I'm so embarrassed that he turned me down and not very gently either. I thought we were friends - clearly not.

So I'm on day 2 and I have to keep this going. I fucking hate myself 🙁

Hello can I join you ladies please. I need this support. I hope I am not past help...I do feel a bit silly as our relationship was only 8 weeks and I am still suffering 10 weeks after break up! Stupid!
I hadn't had a relationship in 13 yrs. He totally swept me off my feet. I was so happy thought this is the one! Then out of the blue one eve a weekend I had arranged to stay over he finished with me...never saw it coming! He said I needed to change X Y Z about myself etc I felt worthless! However he wanted to stay friends?! I was clinging to hope that he would change his mind.

For the last 10 weeks he has come to my home to do DIY, I ask and he comes...I text him daily sometimes several times and felt like we were still in a relationship as contact well never stopped! He also gives me a kiss (passionate) when he leaves. I pay for a take away I help him with uni work too...I must add here he stays friends with his ex's and has contact...wonder if keeps them all on a string?

Anyway I lost weight (now 6/8) had my hair and teeth done (as he critised them when he finished with me) everyone says how good I look....but all I want is him back. Last week I bought him an office chair as a thank you for the DIY he has done...I buy him little things every week i.e. Chocs/cigarettes etc and a take away and helped him do an application form when we were together he got a good job now which I am delighted for him and want the best for him.

So last week straight after I bought chair he announced he was meeting a woman off a dating site (today). I think he has been seeing her for a while but hid it until he got the chair. So today was my first day no contact as felt I should break this now. I am day 1. Still got DIY for him to do but best ?I get a handyman in. Not much to do...I was just living in hope....I feel such a fool! I have followed this thread for 10 weeks but never managed 1 day of no contact...joining here today gives me push now posting to start and finally start to move on.

dolly sorry but he really sounds like a piece of shite. Yes it's really painful that someone who you cared so deeply for didn't return that love to you and basically took you for a mug, he has serious issues. I know its easier said than done but try not to think about someone who's done so much bad to you, he obviously isn't right. Thinking of bad things he's done isn't doing you any good, just think... he's been shit not caring at all and he's taking so much of your head space...and for what? Does he deserve that?

ru345 well this guy sounds delightful wanting you to change your appearance because HE'S not happy with it, and he didn't get back with you after you've changed has he. Cut him off and get someone else to do DIY, there's plenty around. Sounds like he's collecting women, draws them in and keeps them hooked so they're at his disposal. And him blatantly meeting other women is like another way of controlling as it can make you jealous and act crazy still trying to prove that you're good for him. Please get rid and delete and block.

It gets easier, it's been about 6 weeks since my break, there were a few wobbles on the way but the things I did to get over this. I tried to keep my mind off him by setting myself goals, learning new skills, hypnosis!, going to see a psychic, self love, meditation. I'm not fully over it but I don't cry anymore and I know I deserve and will get better so I just concentrate on my future now.

Thank you Itsjustmarley that really helps and you are so far ahead. Good you are now thinking of future...that is my plan. It is like he 'collects' ex's as an ego boost. I have not blocked as tbh I think he would not contact me as it has been me contacting him but am going to do no contact. I am glad hehas met someone else as really best rid he was never right for me looking back....just need to change my behaviour of stop contacting him now as a habit. Posting here and the group support will help me keep on track hopefully?

The worst thing about falling off the 'no contact' wagon is making contact and then getting......nothing. Nothing at all. I had a raging crush on someone ages ago. Was still married so did nothing about it. Got separated (the crush was the catalyst but I had been unhappy for ages). Once I am available, of course he then disappears. Look up the videos of the dating guru Matthew Hussey - he has coined the term M.P.I - Minimum Possible Investment for men like this. They come on strong to get you hooked then they play games with you like a cat with a mouse. When you reciprocate, they back off leaving you confused and frustrated. When you then back off, upset and angry at being played and to protect yourself and get your head together, they make another play for you, dangle another carrot. Against your better judgement you keep hoping things will change and you take the bait. Low and behold, you are left high and dry again. It is incredibly manipulative. In fact I would say it is sadistic. I would say it combines the trait of fear of intimacy/commitment with narcissism. It definitely is narcissistic because those who play these games will send out 'spies' ('flying monkeys') to monitor the reactions to these little 'games'. (Why do other people meddle so much?) I would describe it as psychotic, in fact. No contact is the only way.