Emotional abuse is becoming severe please help

[Heartisbroken2]

I've name changed for this as I'm worried my Dh is on my trail. The abuse has been going on for years and I'm exhausted.
Name calling, shining torch in my face when I try to sleep, not helping me despite four kids and full time job, stalking me if I go out and ignoring me for days if I have a short evening with friebds( twice a year max). I cry quite a lot at the moment and get told to dry my eyes or "what the fuck are you crying for". I've been told I'm useless because I don't host dinner parties. My confidence is low and I have little time. Lately though the abuse has taken the form of long sermons or lessons about my deep character flaws. How my anxiety angers him And my delivery is all wrong. The lectures go on and on and I can't interrupt. I have to agree that he's right and I'm flawed. He then tells me what I need to do to change. If I try to infer that he needs to change he rants and storms off. I feel permanently sick to my stomach, I'm so tired of pretending. Everyone loves him and thinks he's amazing. My family don't but he's well and truly cut them out my life by treating them so badly and being unwelcoming when they stay. He causes the worst atmospheres with his physical presence alone. He storms about. My stomach dissolves in to bundles of nerves. I'm currently hanging on by the skin of my teeth. I sometimes think the only way to get away from him is to just end it all, but I know I have the kids to think of. I've tried to call women's aid but I can never get through. Anyone out there that can give some advice about how to communicate with him and tell him to stop

All in good time Feelings. Being caught in a dynamic like this is complex when you're in it. Read up on domestic abuse to find out why it's not straightforward.

I do understand that. But it's horrible seeing OP continue being treated like this. I do wish she would just leave him.

Sorry feelings but I'm guessing you've never been in this boat? I imagine it's frustrating but I'm not going through apologies again. I ended up feeling that I could not post anymore for a while because of similar posts to yours. It's just not that simple

I'm just frustrated for you. I keep reading the stuff he's doing and I just keep hoping your next post will be one of good news. That's all. I'm sorry I didn't mean to come across like that.

I think you're seeing things more clearly now. You see him for what he is and the way he manipulates and abuses. The worm is turning. You are a wonderful mum. Sending a huge hug xx

Don't feel you have to apologise to posters, OP. This thread is here for your support, not others entertainment.
You've made the first step by reaching out here, you will get to leaving eventually.
Stay strong

I have set the ball rolling. I've told him I want out and I've spoken to various agencies. I've informed my close family of my intent. The sick child thing has clearly stopped further progress but his days are numbered treating me like a piece of rubbish, believe me. To leave suddenly as I've explained before wouldn't suit me / I can't get my head around it.

Angry's good Heart, I think it's part of seeing him for what he is. Do what you need to do in your own time, this is your life nobody else's.
So glad that Little Heart is on the mend.

I'd be in an angry rage too Heart. Its been years coming by the sound of it. Keep safe and do what YOU feel is right.

Or course you're angry. You've spent ages trying not to provoke him and burying how you feel.
Now you're questioning why he is behaving how he is. Your partner is supposed to love you. After the few days you have had you should come home to dinner cooked, a bath run, a hug and be told he loves you. You deserve that.

Wow, just saw your update. It'll happen but some people on here seem to expect posters to leave the same day as they first post

Thank you for understanding - it makes me feel so supported knowing there are such wonderful people supporting me. I do understand your frustration feelings. I imagine we are probably quite different people and you would not be a magnet for a sociopath/ bully / narcissistic. I'm a people pleaser, I'm soft and probably too easily flattered by charmers. If I were more like you I wouldn't have married this excuse for a human being. It takes a lot to get my temper flaring but it's burning bright tonight. A long slow burn. He's not going to get away with this for much longer

But it's not for anyone else to decide how and when to make that move. It's your life. Your decision. And you need to take that control in a way and at a time that you feel able to.
Just be safe.

It’s not because you are the person you are that this is happening heart.
It’s because he is the person he is.

You are doing incredibly well Heart. Well done! It really isn't that simple when the person you are with is constantly undermining and threatening you. I know with my husband I forgave him the unforgivable. I protected him against himself, maybe because I loved him, maybe because I was afraid.
Anyone who says, just leave, isn't in the same position as you are. When I was first in touch with WA I wasn't ready to leave. I had no idea what to do, and the enormity of my husband's behaviour was too much to bear. I didn't want to and couldn't process it. These things take time. You seem to be racking along. Well done you!

It’s nice to see you angry, Heart! Of course there was nothing ready for you, no hot food, no hug, just more of the same crap. It’s who he is.

So glad your little one’s better.

Well if he was soooo organised he'd have seen what needed to be done in the house and got on with it, wouldn't he?

Keep that rage burning dear Heart, rage for the man that thought it was perfectly fine to attack you after the week you've just had in hospital with your LO.

Small, disgusting excuse for a man.

Glad to hear your DC is ok, protected and cared for by their wonderful mum.

Instead of focusing on him, you could use the rage to push yourself forwards and change your situation or at least how you look at it. Think of who you used to be before all this happened and ask her what she would do? What would you advise your best friend to do if they were in this situation? Be strong, you have a huge support here. x

Hope you are ok heart

How are things OP?

How are you doing heart? Hope little heart is doing much better. You have already made a few steps, posting on mn, getting angry, talking about it to us. It must be so difficult to actually leave this man with your dc but i hope that you realise you are stronger than you believe.
How dare someone do this to another person. I'm so sorry for your situation.
Hope you come back and keep talking to us here

Hi just wondering how you're doing. Please let us know x

Also been thinking about you a lot let us know how you are doing x

We're on your side and right behind you sweetheart. I finally escaped and so can you. I too am a softie and apparently a magnet for manipulative bullies! But no more and you'll get there too. It does take a while because we become so normalised. Xx

Ps I was so afraid to take the leap for so many years but now I keep feeling these unfamiliar emotions and realise they are happiness and excitement at my new life. You'll get there too. Keep an emergency bag stashed somewhere just in case and cover your tracks on line. Leave some money with trusted friend perhaps. Take out a credit card and keep it ready. Good luck, in fact BEST of luck! Feel free to pm if you want any details of my method of finally getting away tho it may not be the same as yours of course. I found myself bogged down in details and desperately needed someone to give me a step by step guide! No one can fully but knowing how others managed did help me make my plans. Xx