Emotional abuse is becoming severe please help

[Heartisbroken2]

I've name changed for this as I'm worried my Dh is on my trail. The abuse has been going on for years and I'm exhausted.
Name calling, shining torch in my face when I try to sleep, not helping me despite four kids and full time job, stalking me if I go out and ignoring me for days if I have a short evening with friebds( twice a year max). I cry quite a lot at the moment and get told to dry my eyes or "what the fuck are you crying for". I've been told I'm useless because I don't host dinner parties. My confidence is low and I have little time. Lately though the abuse has taken the form of long sermons or lessons about my deep character flaws. How my anxiety angers him And my delivery is all wrong. The lectures go on and on and I can't interrupt. I have to agree that he's right and I'm flawed. He then tells me what I need to do to change. If I try to infer that he needs to change he rants and storms off. I feel permanently sick to my stomach, I'm so tired of pretending. Everyone loves him and thinks he's amazing. My family don't but he's well and truly cut them out my life by treating them so badly and being unwelcoming when they stay. He causes the worst atmospheres with his physical presence alone. He storms about. My stomach dissolves in to bundles of nerves. I'm currently hanging on by the skin of my teeth. I sometimes think the only way to get away from him is to just end it all, but I know I have the kids to think of. I've tried to call women's aid but I can never get through. Anyone out there that can give some advice about how to communicate with him and tell him to stop

You're not drowning though OP, you are coming up to the surface. Bit by bit, slowly, but posting here shows you can sense the light is up there and getting closer.
Talking more in real life will help you too.
I imagine the nurses there were shocked at his dreadful behaviour.
x

It's hard to explain but he was doing it in a way that made me feel worried people would hear but I didn't look at anyone as I was too humiliated. His facial expression was fierce and hand gestures kind of arms thrown up in the air palms up .. so visually if not audibly to those looking he would appear aggressive but I'm not sure how much attention he would have/ did draw to us.

I'm very tired and emotional today. Keep crying at the hospital. Not making it easy when I see the lovely amazing dads so devoted to their babies. The level of detail they know about their kids is astounding. My husband knows virtually nothing of their medical histories. I am sad at the gap between what these dads do and the shit mine get

please OP let him make a scene. You sound completely beaten down and he sounds like a nasty cunt.
Perhaps you need to get someone on board to support you...ye let him make a scene at the hospital.

Please speak to one of the nurses, you can just start the conversation whilst they are busy attending to your little one, then it won't seem quite as scary, as if you're just chatting, they should know how to help.

Believe me this will not have gone unnoticed. 💐

You can end that shit. You have the power.
Hold tight OP. Hand holding here.

I knew a woman who died bcs she couldn't see a way out of a relationship like this. She got a mystery illness

My friend suddenly couldn't breathe while driving in the fast lane. Fortunately she was able to pull over. Her husband was a doctor from a medical family so she was given all kinds of wrong diagnoses until she finally found out elsewhere that it was a consequence of the extreme stress and anxiety she was living under.

Heart, I hope your child gets well soon and you take care of yourself

Heart i was where you are at this time 2 years ago, trapped and seeing no future. ExH emotionally draining me of everything. So much blame making me think all our marital problems were down to me and it was me that needed fixing. I shudder when i think about it. It was when he finally said to me that when the kids left it was just me and him and i couldn't see anything worth being there for that i finally had the courage to do something about it. After 20 years of marriage and him having an affair with a women 20 years younger than me i finally felt enough anger to get my ducks in a row. It may feel that he has all the power at the moment but that is not the truth. Harness yours!! Could you move out somewhere else, get a part time job of 16 hours (to get tax/working tax credits), get your wages paid into another account, get a deposit together (to rent)? Establish a support system for yourself. This could include friends, family, neighbours anyone that could be there for you in times of need (either emotional or practical). Start making a battle plan. The worst place you are ever going to be is the one you are in now.

As everyone has said i'm afraid your situation probably won't change and there is only 1 person that can change it. The worst thing that i experienced, after we split,was my 15 year old daughter saying to me how she basically saw me as a spineless doormat that finally stood up for herself and her kids. As a professional working woman who has travelled and had an amazing career i was devastated that was how she had seen me. That was enough to pull up my boots and battle through. I thought i had always been a good role model and was embarrassed that was how she saw me. Don't let your kids follow in the same cycle (as mine almost did).

The only thing that helped my pain was crying my heart out in the shower (as someone said before) and then putting all my energy into moving onto something better. (The love and strength you get from your kids will help too).

Time will be your best friend through it. The gaps between being upset get wider and wider and slowly lessen in in their strength.You will manage...you will cope...and life improves slowly but surely. Be strong hun xx

ps a positive thread to give you strength...

Thread to swap uplifting stories of life after divorce/separation to give people struggling lots of hope for the future

xx

Heart, I've just read the thread in AWE

You are so strong, so amazing. Like an Olympic athlete carrying a 100lb weight and STILL running. You feel sad that you're not winning the race but all everyone else can see is weight is holding you back and yet still you keep up....

If you are still at hospital. All you have to do is say to a friendly nurse is say quietly'help, we are trapped in an abusive relationship' and the wheel s will turn. As you say, his Charm has no one fooled. We can all spot em. We don't call them on it would make things worse, but trust me. We can spot them a mile off.

No matter if you don't feel ready. that's ok. You WILL do it when you are ready. I know. We all know. You are amazing.

Also I know you are fretting about involving the police. All I will say is that if they know how bad it is (and it is truly awful in your situation we can all see through your natural inclination to minimise for the sake of your own sanity) the lots of things fall into place for you, like you being eligible for legal aid and the courts won't Send the kids for contact etc if the police have. A record. There are lots of threads on here where the abused partner Really regrets not involving the police at a much earlier stage. I know you are worried it will make him worse, but honestly he is going to go nuclear anyway, imho I think it's time to stop protecting him. He would throw you under a bus given half a chance.

All you have to do is say to a friendly nurse is say quietly'help, we are trapped in an abusive relationship' and the wheel s will turn.

This.

Heart are you still there, sitting in the hospital ?
My heart goes out to you dealing with a sick child in addition to all this abuse. It's so, so tough.

See if someone can find you counselling support or even the duty Social Worker to talk to.
And get yourself a GP appointment. Will work give you some compassionate leave, or can you sign off sick ?

Timetogetup - yes, I'm still here x

How are you and ds?

Thinking of you.

Heart I have been there, weeks in hospital with a sick baby. Make sure you get a break from the bedside, go for a walk, eat something.
Do you have a friends who can offer you support ?
Who is looking after your other children ?

Thinking of you, Heart. Hope your little one is improving.

Just come across your thread and wanted to send strength and love to you. It must be so very hard. I had an EA husband. I was lucky - he had an affair and left - eventually. But it was turning physical and I called the police once. I also know how it is to have a little one in hospital and how emotionally draining it is. Lots of good advice already given, I just wanted to add my support. X

@Heartisbroken2 so sorry to hear about your DC.

I wish I could send you real physical strength or some kind of cloak of protection.

You know what? There'll come a time when he won't be able to speak to you like shit on a daily basis, so let the massive twat get all his "fuck offs" in while he can.

Try and let it wash over you, keep saying in your head "you are nothing, you are nothing"

Take your time, you can do this. Reading your posts gives me a great sense that you are an intelligent, articulate woman. One day you will sparkle, one day you will shine.

Read this from start to finish today and wanted to say you're incredibly brave. Thinking of you and your littlest, I hope they're better soon xxx

Hope you are all doing ok heart

Never felt so angry in my life.

Got back home thank goodness the little one is better. He got home from work and has accused me of being a lazy cow in the house. I've prepared dinner, sorted kids, homework, sorted little heart's meds and done washing. I've spent the last week almost barely sleeping and on a hospital camp bed in a noisy, crowded ward with no eating or washing facilities. I've not eaten a proper hot meal in days as the canteen was closed over the weekend so it's just been sandwiches/ cold snacks for the most part. I arrived too late for dinner last night as the doctors were checking little heart. I'm so angry . So so so very angry. It's like a white hot rage is searing through me . How dare he . He's ignoring me for the most part in between informing me of how organised he is and how disorganised I am

I don't k ow why this has made me so full of rage. Not sure why all of a sudden

Why are you letting this continue? I've followed this thread since you posted and I can't understand why you're still there letting it go on... just leave him already!

Probably the years of pent up rage. Go you heart!

Actually I don't mean to trivialise it. Rage like that is PRECIOUS. Full of lifeblood.

Let it flow dear one xx