Emotional abuse is becoming severe please help

[Heartisbroken2]

I've name changed for this as I'm worried my Dh is on my trail. The abuse has been going on for years and I'm exhausted.
Name calling, shining torch in my face when I try to sleep, not helping me despite four kids and full time job, stalking me if I go out and ignoring me for days if I have a short evening with friebds( twice a year max). I cry quite a lot at the moment and get told to dry my eyes or "what the fuck are you crying for". I've been told I'm useless because I don't host dinner parties. My confidence is low and I have little time. Lately though the abuse has taken the form of long sermons or lessons about my deep character flaws. How my anxiety angers him And my delivery is all wrong. The lectures go on and on and I can't interrupt. I have to agree that he's right and I'm flawed. He then tells me what I need to do to change. If I try to infer that he needs to change he rants and storms off. I feel permanently sick to my stomach, I'm so tired of pretending. Everyone loves him and thinks he's amazing. My family don't but he's well and truly cut them out my life by treating them so badly and being unwelcoming when they stay. He causes the worst atmospheres with his physical presence alone. He storms about. My stomach dissolves in to bundles of nerves. I'm currently hanging on by the skin of my teeth. I sometimes think the only way to get away from him is to just end it all, but I know I have the kids to think of. I've tried to call women's aid but I can never get through. Anyone out there that can give some advice about how to communicate with him and tell him to stop

He tried to wake me repeatedly when he got in I physically couldn't get up I was so exhausted. He gave up in the end. He was calling me in an urgent irritated voice, not gently. Not that he ever has been gentle.

Oh, Heart. He's being awful to you.

You said earlier that you were struggling, and some of the things you've said about that make me wonder if you have PTSD. It sounds a lot like the ways I've reacted because of the cPTSD I have. You have to treat yourself gently and remind yourself you've done nothing wrong. In fact, you're doing really well: you're keeping on going, working and looking after everything even though it's so hard. You deserve praise for that.

You might find it useful to speak to your GP about it all. They can refer you for counselling (which I've found invaluable), prescribe anti depressents (they're great when you need them), or just give you a bit of validation and support.

I do hope you get through all this as quickly and easily as possible. You deserve so much better.

Heart I am so sorry he did that. Try and love yourself in little ways, set your inner voice to positive and respectful, this can be hard to do at first, but keep going, it gets easier.
Thinking of you

God you poor woman, that sounds awful. What an unkind man

Heart I've been lurking (and caring) since day 1 I just want to mention the anxiety symptoms they make the anxiety worse if you see what I mean. I was barely able to function without wanting to cry, fall over, start shaking uncontrollably when I split with my H. I did have the sense to go to the doctor and was about to walk out of the waiting room because I couldn't stand it when mercifully the doctor was on time and I was called in. She prescribed simple beta blockers and suddenly I could function again because the symptoms weren't manifesting themselves physically any more.

I can guarantee leaving this man will be the hardest thing you will ever do, if you stay with him it will cost you dear. Put yourself first for a change, slowly start getting the advice you need without giving him any signs that you are up to something. Play the game a little while longer until the day comes where you can walk away without looking back. If you have to give up work so what, your mental health and sanity means more, living in your home scared out your wits walking round on eggshells ain't no life chick!!! Everything everyone has posted in regards to your op you no it makes sense , you just need the balls to get the hell out of there, the children, the financial side of the things, the house yeah it's going to crap leaving starting over again. These bully's use these things as control as they no most women will just stay with them and put up with their hellish behaviour. Show this bastard who really is the boss. And don't look back.

He'll want to have it out with you because what drains you inflates him.

Take care of yrslf

Can work give you leave?

I really hope you see the light soon. That gut feeling about this situation of yours has not gone away. I'm getting a terrible, deeply concerning feeling about this. Please at least consider your options one more time.... xx

Just wanted to hold your hand. At last I am in a better position to get on and get the house on the market. I am still reeling but not so much. If my husband had an acid bath nothing would happen. He sweats vitriol.

Hope you got through the day heart

Thinking of you Heart and sending strength. I think you’ll leave the piece of shit in the end... an amazing free happy life is there for you waiting for you to take hold iof it and it will pull you out of the darkness. Strength, Heart 💓

Sounds like you have ptsd. Horrid thing. But it isnt 'post' traumatic stress if you are still in the traumatic situation. I believe that's when impacted ptsd begins. I am no Dr but I do have ptsd.

You sound underneath the fear, exhaustion, etc to be very brave. I do admire how you have spoken up to tell others here that you will deal with the situation in your way.

I have been a single mum, yup it is a financial struggle at times but those moments you imagine of a peaceful, happy house, of laughing kids and you, a laughing, relaxed, proud, happy Mum knowing she is doing the right thing by herself and kids is a beautiful goal and a wonderful place to be. Don't take your eyes off the goal.

Youngest is unwell and been hospitalised last couple of days. He's only little bless him. DH came in this morning and started having a go at me infront of everyone and just wouldn't let it drop . Just kept asking me the same question over in a hushed but threatening tone and over not listening to the answer. I just sat there with my head down trying not to cry. It's hard to put in to words how it makes you feel. It's like this balloon of misery blowing up inside my heart . Sinking stone feeling in my stomach. He's gone and frankly I'd rather stay here than go home to him

I wish someone at the hospital would notice and do something.

Hope your little ds gets better soon, heart. That balloon of pain is not yours to carry, give it back to him, it is his.
wishing you strength

He banks on the fact I won't make a scene

Probably safest not to. He won't learn and change. Plan your out.

You don’t have to. Just respect yourself and your feelings. And know you are not in the wrong.

I've left two abusive relationships, all of my children are happier for it. They aren't damaged by it in the slightest, it's the other way round.
I love life as a single mother, have been for a long time now and wouldn't change it.
I cannot respect my parents for their dysfunctional relationship which I see as the reason I made mistakes in my own relationships. I didn't know any different and wish they'd have divorced when I was still a child. My siblings feel the same way and we all keep our distance now.
Btw, all birth certificates are public documents and can be bought from the registry office, so don't worry about things like that.
Good luck.

I knew a woman who died bcs she couldn't see a way out of a relationship like this. She got a mystery illness. I honestly think she died bcs she lost all hope.

If you feel you're in a similar position, please think what would happen to your kids. They'd lose their mother, and their father would have sole custody. This man hates women, all women. How would your daughters be with him? Your sons?

I didn't know the woman I mentioned, above, well. I was also up to my neck in my own abusive relationship at the time. I knew something was very wrong but didn't know what - probably bcs the same thing was happening to me and I didn't understand it yet.

Heart, I'm a nurse, I'm sure the nursing medical staff who witnessed his behaviour could see he was threatening. Is there any way you could talk to one of them?
It's difficult when you do see partners being uncaring, but until it is mentioned, or maybe asked for help, i don't think anything can be done. The paediatric team, I'm sure would be able to suggest something, or at least contact the right team / organisation before you little one is discharged. for you, and for your baby.

He banks on the fact I won't make a scene

Make a scene.

Heart, another single mum here. Ive posted on your thread before.

Your mental health will not get better until you leave. Please remember that everything he does is about him. Not you.

But you are drowning slowly here and your kids need you. You will all be better when you leave.

I know you got some legal advice, I know how hard this is. But for your sake gather your strength and work out how you can leave.

He sounds like a hollow shell of a being, with no sense of remorse or consequence (narcissistic)