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Original poster

how do you know when you have enough children

169 replies

lovemybed · 14/04/2007 22:00

have 2 gorgeous dds just turned 5 and 3, love them to bits they are everything to me but im totally mixed up about having another,

have just started back at work which i am loving, enjoying being more independent, not having sleepless nights and its a lot easier to go away for a few nights with out worrying about feeds travel cots etc but there is a huge part of me that wants another one.

i suppose i might feel this way after having a 3rd though, so what i mean is how do you know when you are making the right choice not to have anymore, is it just normal for a woman to always want more children or do some people know when enough is enough.

OP posts:

Dinosaur · 14/04/2007 22:00

I have three and I felt very strongly (and still do feel) that at three, my family was complete.

LilyLoo · 14/04/2007 22:02

Will folow closely i sway from one extreme to the other have a ds and a dd so not sex related(not literally). Can talk myself in and out of this every five mins!

foxybrown · 14/04/2007 22:04

Some women feel complete and 'just know' when they're done with childbirth.

My number 4 is due in June. I hope it comes to me, and soon!

DumbledoresGirl · 14/04/2007 22:04

I set out to have 4 and got 4 and, like you, I am beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel in terms of regaining some old life back (the youngest starts school in September so I could, theoretically, go back to work after 11 years.

But guess what? I spent all last night dreaming about having twins - just to round up my family to a cosy 6! It isn't going to happen (dh has had a vasectomy) but a part of me would still like it to happen by mistake.

What I am trying to say is, I think a lot of women carry that broody feeling about in them from time to time. It doesn't mean we have to act on it.

Original poster

lovemybed · 14/04/2007 22:05

lilyloo im glad its not only me, i was a bit worried incase my title sounded a bit like i was thinking about bying another pair of jeans or something but it is something that really bothers me a lot and i spend hours thinking about it.

i would love to think that i could be like dinosaur and have another and then know thats my family complete

OP posts:

Dinosaur · 14/04/2007 22:06

It is quite a relief. Was talking about this to another mumsnetter who also has three and feels the same as I do.

PestoMonster · 14/04/2007 22:07

I had my 2 dds when I was 33 & 35 and felt quite exhausted once I'd got through all those baby and toddler years. If I'd been younger I would seriously have considered having a 3rd (I'd always thought I would have 3). However, I think time was against me and now I am 43 and DDs are nearly 10 and nearly 8 and I am just very very grateful to have them.

Original poster

lovemybed · 14/04/2007 22:07

ddg good point, my dh is not bothered about having anymore he says he is happy with his 2 girls and he gets fed up of other people asking all the time if he wants a boy or not, im not fussy about having a boy or girl i just want another baby

or do i

OP posts:

LilyLoo · 14/04/2007 22:09

I would love to have that feeling too Dinosaur. When dd 2.3 ill and we have one sleepless night i remain adamant for at least a couple of hours that that is it, then i see a baby and think aaah, then i see two empty seats at the table and think theres plenty room for more. Then dd and ds 5 argue and i back to square one and tbh it's as simple as that !
Do i don't i ?

Dinosaur · 14/04/2007 22:09

Yes, I am old as well (41 now) and also two of my children have special needs of one sort or another and the other was born with clubfeet and tbh if I found myself pregnant again by accident I would be petrified of something going REALLY wrong this time.

Also I am a coward and I don't like pain and I vowed never to set foot in that delivery suite again .

DumbledoresGirl · 14/04/2007 22:10

You could try simply telling yourself that your family is complete, rather as you might tell your child they have had enough sweets for the day. That is more or less what I did when I set out to have 4. 4 was the minimum number of children I wanted to settle for and it was also dh's maximum number of wanted children (though he took some persuading to go that high!) So when I reached 4, I simply thought to myself, "right that is enough, no more now", and it was me who took the initiative in getting dh a vasectomy (although he wanted one too - I am making it sound as though I make every decision in this family! - oh, silly me, I do!)

I don't know your age, but how long do you feel you have before making a final decision about this? I know loads of people who have 2 children close together and then a third maybe as much as 10 years later.

Original poster

lovemybed · 14/04/2007 22:10

lilyloo you must be my long lost other half,we think exactly the same

OP posts:

CarGirl · 14/04/2007 22:11

when I had 3 I was absolute 100% that I wanted a 4th and that would make me feel complete. I have my 4th now and I do feel complete I would say 1% of me would still like to think of having another in the future but I really do feel like my family is complete now [huge relief emotion]

Original poster

lovemybed · 14/04/2007 22:13

im 25 which i know is not old but i dont want a big gap between any children i have, now that dd2 is 3 i feel its something i have to act on now, i think a big factor for me is i lost a baby at 12 weeks pregnant when dd1 was 10 months old and even though i now have dd2 who is even more special cause of what i went through i still feel that someone is missing, like there should be another person in pictures etc.

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tortoise · 14/04/2007 22:15

I have 4 and thats how many i wanted but i still think of having more one day. I am only 29 so i know even in 10 years it is still a possibilty to have more, if i ever find a DP that is!

LilyLoo · 14/04/2007 22:17

Lovemybed guess your nickname could be enough to put you off. I know that whilst i type all the reasons i shouldn't
Not enough room
Bigger car
Sleepless nights
Not a baby for long
Disruption
Relationship on hold again
More stress
The thought of a baby is still a lovely albeit 'hazy (only think of the good things) thought in my head'

nallydoolally · 14/04/2007 22:18

i am going through this as well at the moment. we have dd1 (5), ds (3) and dd2 (7months) and i feel incredibly sad that i will never be pregnant again and will never give birth again and will never hold another newborn of ours... there are more reasons not to have another one though and i have to keep reminding myself of them, even though it sometimes takes over and i can't think of anything else!

Original poster

lovemybed · 14/04/2007 22:20

yeah but i kind of think going from 2-3 would not be to much of a jump cause 3 still fit in a normal car i have a 3 bedroom house so the bedroom is there for the baby (i have my rose tinted specs on here) and i might get a baby that sleeps all night

OP posts:

ScoobyDooooo · 14/04/2007 22:22

Lovemybed you sound like me your last post at 22.13 is exactly how i feel & i also had a mc between my ds & dd & i am 25!

Dinosaur · 14/04/2007 22:23

Or you might get on like my DS3 who was the worst sleeper imaginable and damn nearly killed me!

Original poster

lovemybed · 14/04/2007 22:23

it just seems like such a cruel twist of nature that i have all these feelings and am able (i would think) to have another one but there is all these stupid practical reasons not to have one. it really makes you feel so sorry for people who have these feelings but wont ever be able to have even 1 child of there own

OP posts:

LilyLoo · 14/04/2007 22:23

Agree with the rose tinted specs

Original poster

lovemybed · 14/04/2007 22:24

scdoo so sorry to hear that but you know better than anyone how i feel though

OP posts:

Linnet · 14/04/2007 22:25

I have 2 dd's and I'm done. when dd1 was approaching 3 years old I had this urge, which is the only way to describe it, to have another baby. It was another 3 years before I had my 2nd dd but as soon as she was born I knew that our family was complete and that I wouldn't be having or wanting anymore babies.

Now dd2 is approaching 3 years old and I have no urge to have anymore. My neighbour has newborn baby and although she's a gorgeous and I love holding her I'm always happy to hand her back and realise that no I don't want another one.

LilyLoo · 14/04/2007 22:25

Think i am becoming more inclined to be of the use no contraception and see what happens. Just have to tell dp

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