how do you know when you have enough children

[lovemybed]

have 2 gorgeous dds just turned 5 and 3, love them to bits they are everything to me but im totally mixed up about having another,

have just started back at work which i am loving, enjoying being more independent, not having sleepless nights and its a lot easier to go away for a few nights with out worrying about feeds travel cots etc but there is a huge part of me that wants another one.

i suppose i might feel this way after having a 3rd though, so what i mean is how do you know when you are making the right choice not to have anymore, is it just normal for a woman to always want more children or do some people know when enough is enough.

Annieapple - wierd isn't it.

Imagine what would happen to the human race if they had to endure morning sickness, piles, varicose veins, low blood pressure, high blood pressure, heart burn, indigestion, anaemia, SDP, childbirth, tears, cuts, incontinence, sleepless nights, split nipples ...

I think some people never know. Sometimes you have to draw a line because you know that you have had as many as you can cope with.
I have certainly got to that point with 6.
However, it does sadden me to a degree that I have experienced my last preg and birth.
My youngest is only 9 days old and my eldest 8 btw. But for me it has to be time to move on .
Trouble is I've been preg or with a baby for the past 10 years so I'm not sure how to do it. Still, I know stopping now is for the best.

When you no longer physically ache with the need to hold and sniff a new-born and can walk past baby shops without mentally dressing a little one.

I have 3, DD6, DD4, DS 1.5. I am almost 41 but am desperate for a fourth. I've always felt that our family should have 4 children and it feels as if someone is missing if that doesn't sound too crazy.

Given my age it seems likely that number 4 won't arrive and there are so many practical reasons why I should stick at 3. (with 4 I'd need to get a much bigger car and my parking is bad enough as it is.) A friend has also told me it would be irresponsible at my age given the increased risks and the impact this would have on my other children. However I still feel there's someone's missing....

geegee i think you should go for it!

If my DH ever gets home tonight - you never know!

Blimey Geegee, what a supportive friend

dh has 2 ds from prev. rel. who are 6 & 9, i have ds who is 7 and together we have dd who is 14mths.

i could quite happily have 10 children!!! i love being pregnant and sailed through both births and have had wonderful angelic sleepers with no BIG problems. the 6 year gap between ds and dd is perfect - he understood everything about the pregnancy and has adored his lil sis since the minute she was born. he reads to her and helps bath her and the look of love in her face when he makes her laugh is priceless.

i would love another one now but i now i would not be able to cope with 2 little ones at home (hats off to those who do) so i am going to patiently wait until dd is around 4 ish!!!

i am also looking forward to actually planning to get pregnant as both dc were complete accidents

although dh is concerned about money, car, room etc.. babies are pretty manageable and once you have one you have everything you need for any subsequent ones or like me you buy stuff off ebay and once outgrown sell it again!!

through chatting with friends and mums at school i think the reason i want lots of kids is because i haven't got a huge family (just dad and my nan who live 240 miles away) so my theory is i want big family christmases with my brood around me and i want them to need me around i guess. maybe im living in cloud cuckoo land but coming from a dysfunctional family and having no one to turn to - i want my kids to have siblings and parents and aunts to turn to or just to know.

sorry for the ramble!!!

i think those of you who are still yearning for another bubbi should go for it - might be the next richard branson or anita roddick lol

Annieapple I think I can answer why a lot of men don't want any more - because they are scared about the financial responsibility (when it is theirs which in our case it is). This is especially when you go from 2-3 and need a bigger house, bigger car and are a not a neat family of four (for holiday purposes)anymore. Also they are worried about you going through it all again (and turning into a sleep deprived bitch from hell which I do for the first 6/7 months )
I think I have persuaded dh nevertheless. I will be SO happy when I get pregnant again. Even though I absolutely hate getting no sleep and the dependence of a newborn I just would love another child. But I already know that that would be it - if we manage 3 we will be stopping there.

i think iw ill prob just hae to go for it and have another one. most peopl on this thread seem to have more kids than what i do and i am starting to feel a bit left out i suppose i should think myself lucky that we have the room to go from 2-3, its more could we afford to give a 3rd one s much as what we have given dd1 and dd2 that bothers me.

lovemybed and Geegee - go for it!!!

Geegee - I'm 43 and have just had my third 6 weeks ago - the longer you ponder, the older you'll be

41 is not old - probably another 10 years until you have the menopause anyway

ummm, all very interesting.I have 2 dc - ds 3.3 and dd 9ths and was adamant after dd birth that that was that, but I don't have a sense of completion. I always thought (knew) I would have two (the ring test at the age of 22!!! - it was right) so there is a sense of not wanting to chance my luck again, but my sil is about to have her 3rd, so I will use that as my gauge. DP and I have discussed this and both are of the opinion that 2 is enough unless there is a happy accident............so now I feel quite undecided. BTW I'm 1 of 4 and sometimes worry that it might just be a bit boring with just one other sibling, but then it was totally crazy with 4 of us!!!!

Definately food for thought!

misstimms i am one of three and i think it will be strange for my 2 dds to grow up with only each other, i have avery big family and no one has ever stopped at 2 dc before they all have familys of 2,3 or more, i just really dont know if i can stick with just 2, my head says yes but my heart says no.

I have two and would like a third but unlike most others on this thread, it has nothing to do with wanting another baby. What I want is another child. If they could arrive as a walking, talking, self-feeding 2yr old then I'd do it tomorrow.
I really don't like the newborn phase, so helpless and dependant. I know it passes but I find it so hard.
The other thing is that I'm crap at pregnancy, sick and ill the whole way through but I still feel the urge to do it again.

Despite not having taken the plunge yet, I know that I wouldn't want any more than 3. That just feels like the 'magic number' to me. Though if it doesn't happen, I'll always be grateful for my 2 healthy babies.

To have the choice is the luckiest thing, I have a very precious little one but she will be the only one that hubby and I will be able to have. Enjoy what you have

I have 3 DS and since DS2 desparately wanted a little girl, although DS3 was a happy accident we had always talked about having 3 and 2 never seemed totally complete. I hate to admit I was disappointed when I found out DS3 was a boy, but i was - very. However, I adored having another baby and we have now settled into life with three DS ages 8,4 and 2 which is a very active, fun, hectic, and happy one. There is a small part of me which yearns for a DD but I know to go for it would be for the complete wrong reason, although I do absolutely LOVE having babies!! So when I need to, which isn't very often I remind myself how lucky I am with my three gorgeous happy little boys. That said, I can still understand the broody, yearning feeling to hold a tiny little bundle again......it's just in most of us!!

When we had our 4th we knew we couldn't manage any more children because they were just such hard work. I have just had our 5th, which was a bit of a surprise, but our others are all grown up so it's like having a first again. DH is adamant she's the last but since we've had her it doesn't feel like it IYSWIM. I think I will never feel we've finished

Have 3 gorgeous kids, ds 15 dd1 14 and dd2 3yrs, I am expecting 4th baby 07.06.07. We knew we wanted 2 oldies and 2 youngies but both feel that after this one is born our family will be complete. I am already fantasising about getting rid of all the stuff on ebay and not having to 'keep' things.

We had the benefit of coming towards the metaphorical 'top of the hill' with the older two before embarking on the younger ones. We had just started to get our lives back - so we look forward to coming to that place again and perhaps being able to have a normal vehicle and make smaller meals etc!

I have always had a strong maternal urge but feel totally at terms with having 4 - I would be horrified to have any more. Plus we added a 4th bedroom to our house last year and there's no more room or money for extensions or house moves.

I made my mum a grandma at 40 and if that family trend were to continue, I could be a grandma myself in 4 years....then I can enjoy children/babies I can give back.

The older two have enjoyed having the youngest one, but it has been an education to them both how hard it is and what sacrifices you have to make. Neither are keen to embark on a family too young. Whatever happens, we will love them and welcome any grandchildren whenever they arrive.

Like someone else said on here, sometimes you need to accept the logical decision you've made, get rid of all the cots and stuff and start looking forward to the life in front of you, with your husband. Looking forward to all the things you can do without children.

I would love to have another ds or dd but our ds is fated to be on his own sibling wise. I'm unlikely to survive another pregnancy & so is the unborn child.
My family doesn't feel complete, I wish with all my heart I could have another & ds really wishes for a sibling to play with, playing with mummy just isn't the same. Sometimes I think s*d it, I'll have another child even if it kills me but I don't know if my ds or dh could be truly happy without me.

i have 2
The idea of a being pregnant and having a third fills me with horror
That's how i know

Going against the grain but I only have 1 and I am happy. I mean I am a single parent so there really isn't any chance of having more but I can honestly say if that chance never presented itself I'd be happy.

Maybe I'll meet someone in the years to come and have another one or more, I haven't ruled it out, but I don't long for more.

When you can't keep an eye on all of them in the park.

I knew we were done when my husband went and got a vasectomy!! lol!!! I think i would be evil mum (you know, the kind you see out in public!!) if we had a third

I have four and I can't quite quell the little voice inside me which says 'there's still time you know. You can always pop out another one or two. The older ones are getting more and more helpful and there's always a loft conversion'.

I know I'm broody again because everywhere I look I see pregnant women.

FGS stop me. Make the voices stop.

I read somewhere that biologically our bodies are designed to ideally carry 9 babies. I have 2 beautiful DS and most of the time accept that we probably won't have any more. But mid-cycle around ovulation, wow, I am desperate for another. Every month without fail..damm hormones...having said that I've always dreamt of 6 children...heaven help me if Dh sees this!!!!