I'm being bullied by Social Services

[BulliedMama]

I’ve NC for this,

Two years ago I was the victim of domestic violence, myH at the time was convicted of this. Social services were called but closed the case. I try to make things work with my H but unfortunately at the beginning of this year another incident happened and since then I have left him. SS were called again and they have put my DS (reception age) and unborn on CP. I think this is a step too far and it should’ve been child in need but there you are. I am willing to do the things they’ve requested of me except the freedom program for domestic violence. I have done some one-on-one work with the domestic violence lady and she has said that the freedom program isn’t for everybody and you can’t force someone to do something that they are not willing to do. SS are now basically saying that I have to do this, if I don’t it there will be consequences and it’s nonnegotiable, I feel totally bullied by them my pregnancy has been ruined by them and the anxiety and stress they are putting me through is not helping. In my eyes I have eliminated the problem with removing my husband from the family home. Our only goal now is to work towards a civil relationship whereby our son is happy. I’m left in the position where I feel SS are now the perpetrators and it is not empowering at all to be made to do something you are so against. This is a box ticking exercise for them with no regard to the impact on my emotional well-being. In fact a small booklet I have with regards to the freedom program says about stress during pregnancy caused by perpetrators, well this fits SS completely.

Sorry for lack of paragraphs,

I don’t feel there’s any point complaining to SS but wanted to know if there is another organisation I can go to to find out my rights with regards to what they can force me to do. every other professional in my sons life are saying how well he’s doing and how happy he is.

Thanks, I hope I haven’t drip fed

[Bombardier25966]

Honestly I don't think you've closed that chapter of your life at all. You're making excuses for what your husband did. What if he takes it out on one of the children next time?

I don't think social services always get it right but in this case their concerns are justified. Work together with them, not against them.

[BulliedMama]

I may have only been 4 months but the course would only have started now even then. So I do the course unwillingly so they can tick their box. That’s not helpful at all. Even the DV worker said there are women on her waiting list who need her help more than me, I’ll just go and waist everyone’s time while another woman is in real danger

[WeAllHaveWings]

At some point you need to stop fighting it and realise the program recommended and the posts here are all intended to help you. Your own response to the help being offered is the thing that is stressing you not the help. Try to look at it objectively and as pp said go into it with an open mind, even if it is just one thing you WILL get something out of it.

[expatinscotland]

You are minimising. They can see this. Your children are in real danger because you took back a violent man. Your perspective is completely skewed. The only one who bullied you is your violent husband.

[LIZS]

You don't think you and your dc are vulnerable and "in danger"? SS disagree.

[Jacana]

OP! Is your husband your unborn's father? If so, I can quite understand SS's unease, given that you've already had him back before and this will be another reason for him continuing to be a presence in your life.
Please do the freedom programme, take from it what you need.
All the best,

[PrincessPlod]

Personally having experience of SS I would do what they say unless you either want to lose your kids or have SS in your life for a while. Prove to them you put your kids first then there can be no criticism on your behaviour.

Yes you made a mistake taking back H but don’t make another one.

[PerspicaciaTick]

Your still refer to him as your husband. You talk about "we" and "us" like you are a couple. You refuse to engage with SS suggestions. I can see why they feel your boundaries are blurred.

[username7979]

The freedom program was the best thing ever in my life.
It is essentially a support group and it helps to meet other ladies who are in the same boat. In fact we discussed a lot how social services have failed us, which judges where doing a good job, which ones to avoid. They were very supportive and knowledgeable and the trainer had been in our situation. she fully understood the struggle. You say it's not for you but you do not have any reasons to back this up. So SS will keep pestering you. If you feel it's difficult get extra support with counselling while you are attending the freedom programme.

[BulliedMama]

Well they are quite happy to see H with the children so they can’t be that worried.

[LittleMyLikesSnuffkin]

You're not in danger but your children are under child protection? You're in denial which from SS point of view isn't great.

[captainjacksparrow]

I can only echo what the other posters have said. Do the course and try to do it with an open mind...

[stitchglitched]

If they asked you to do it 3 months ago you could have got on with it and nearly have completed it by now. You may not think you need it and you might be right, but SS want you to do it and your children are on a CP plan so why on earth wouldn't you do whatever was asked to prove you are putting your kids first? Is this issue worth losing them over?

[Mirrormirrorotw]

For the sake of your sanity just do it. I have a similar background and eventually Amy mental health suffered so badly the SS gave the children to their fathers. Just do it. Tick their boxes. You never know what you might learn

[SandyY2K]

You took him back and are now pregnant. They realise he will always be around because of the children ..... women works up till 2 weeks before their due date ... is it really to difficult to do the course?
Howabout doing it online?

People are quick to blame SS when things go wrong.... thry have a job to do and you should realise the reasons why thet wabt you to do this.

You didn't just go back with him ... you created another life with him.

That's plenty reason for you to do the FP.

[stitchglitched]

Other women on the waiting list aren't your concern. Your children should be your only concern.

[LIZS]

Presumably h is having supervised access only? At a contact centre perhaps.

[GraciesMansion]

In your position I would be doing everything asked of me to make sure that I kept my children. Even if I didn’t agree with it. Get the programme done and SS will be out of your lives more quickly.

[PoppyPopcorn]

Just do the bloody programme and stop being so pig-headed about it.

They're not bullying you. They are trying to protect your children from their father by ensuring their mother has the tools to stop him worming his way back in again.

[FreddieFazzbear]

Just do it if it means they will be off your back.

[Haffiana]

I agree with SS. You are putting what you want ahead of your children's safety.

I have no idea how you can find that remotely excusable.

[museumum]

Just do the programme, you might find it useful, you might not but it's a small price to pay to ensure that SS believe you are able to protect your children.

Also, if you continue as you are he may be violent again - at a child access pick up or drop off and ss will want to know you can keep your children safe.

[username7979]

Well they are quite happy to see H with the children so they can’t be that worried.
I’ll just go and waist everyone’s time while another woman is in real danger
You are obviously in denial that you are in danger if you have the SS involved and a DV worker you ARE in danger.
So the first concern is that you do not understand this.

The SS might see the danger for you but do not have enough elements to take action and they have to follow the process (whatever That is).
You are wasting so much energy fighting this, just embrace it, it will make your life easier.

[BulliedMama]

No, H has no restrictions on seeing his son. None what so ever. We arrange that between ourselves