I'm being bullied by Social Services

[BulliedMama]

I’ve NC for this,

Two years ago I was the victim of domestic violence, myH at the time was convicted of this. Social services were called but closed the case. I try to make things work with my H but unfortunately at the beginning of this year another incident happened and since then I have left him. SS were called again and they have put my DS (reception age) and unborn on CP. I think this is a step too far and it should’ve been child in need but there you are. I am willing to do the things they’ve requested of me except the freedom program for domestic violence. I have done some one-on-one work with the domestic violence lady and she has said that the freedom program isn’t for everybody and you can’t force someone to do something that they are not willing to do. SS are now basically saying that I have to do this, if I don’t it there will be consequences and it’s nonnegotiable, I feel totally bullied by them my pregnancy has been ruined by them and the anxiety and stress they are putting me through is not helping. In my eyes I have eliminated the problem with removing my husband from the family home. Our only goal now is to work towards a civil relationship whereby our son is happy. I’m left in the position where I feel SS are now the perpetrators and it is not empowering at all to be made to do something you are so against. This is a box ticking exercise for them with no regard to the impact on my emotional well-being. In fact a small booklet I have with regards to the freedom program says about stress during pregnancy caused by perpetrators, well this fits SS completely.

Sorry for lack of paragraphs,

I don’t feel there’s any point complaining to SS but wanted to know if there is another organisation I can go to to find out my rights with regards to what they can force me to do. every other professional in my sons life are saying how well he’s doing and how happy he is.

Thanks, I hope I haven’t drip fed

[Offred]

He has a right to be at the CP meetings.

I think it is telling that you will do relate (which is highly dangerous IMO because it is likely to encourage you getting back together and minimisation of the abuse) but you won’t do the freedom programme which would really help you stay away from him and other abusive men.

[BatteredBreadedOrSouthernFried]

And no way in hell should you be having couple counselling!! no way. Tell them no. Tell them you are not interested in being manipulated by him.

[BulliedMama]

I can’t look at this thread anymore, it’s giving me a headache. I’ll do the DV version of FP. (I’m sure that won’t be good enough)

[PigletWasPoohsFriend]

Haven't you posted about this before OP? It sounds very familiar.

[DrRisotto]

You do know that SS will be liaising and discussing everything with this DV worker, don't you? S/he probably recommended it to them, seeing as they thought this DV worker would suffice and suddenly they think the freedom programme is necessary now too.

[BatteredBreadedOrSouthernFried]

They can have separate meetings offred

[littlebird7]

Bulliedmama

Please can you go and get some medical help for your depression/mental health. I don't think you can hope for a happy ending for your children if your thoughts are so muddled and unclear.
It does not matter about relate or your ex or anything else. You do not need to smile through the course or even pretend that you think it will help, but you do need to be there. I am so happy you have decided to do it ( even with gritted teeth if you must)
I am worried you are planning to keep exdh in your life in some capacity though, you still seem to be under his spell.

[lookatyourwatchnow]

For fucks sake, wake up OP. So you’re going to complete the freedom programme. It is meaningless for you to sullenly, reluctantly sit there week in week out to ‘get SS off your back’. If you don’t start evidencing that you WANT to and CAN act like a protective parent to your children, the case will only head one way, and quite rightly too. Your insight is shocking, and you need to re-examine this. Sharpish. Your circumstances have been caused entirely by the actions of your ex partner, not social services. Oh, by the way, also by you having resumed your relationship with him more than once after he was violent to you. Redirect your anger that way.

[Offred]

Well no! Nothing you do will be good enough whilst you continue to insist you don’t have a problem! You could jump through all the hoops going but if you don’t understand why this situation and your part in it are a risk to your dc then they will continue to be at risk.

[littlebird7]

Piglet

Yes op has been on here before

[thegirlupnorth]

You are not being bullied you are being advised to do what is best for you and your DC. Their job is to safeguard as you have been unable to.

[Offred]

There are two risks to your children;

1. A father who abused their mother.
   

1. A mother who failed to safeguard her first child from witnessing their father’s abuse and also conceived another child with him.
   

That is why they are involved - because there are concerns about BOTH parents... they would not have been involved if you had not got back with him and got pregnant.

[SilverBirchWithout]

Can people try and be a bit kinder to OP. She sounds like she is in a bit of a dark place at the moment, and it's sounds an awful lot like some people are relishing kicking her while she down.

Btw Relate is sometimes used to assist couples through the break-up process, particularly when children are involved. And maybe entirely appropriate to help the Op (who currently has depression and anxiety) in communicating around the issues for the DC.

[NeedsAsockamnesty]

I totally ageee the op should just suck it up and do the course

But this pile of Shite
I have nothing but sympathy for genuine victims of domestic violence who are trapped in abusive relationships

Is exactly why it takes abused women ages to leave and why they go back and back again.

Being trapped is not just about being physically prevented

[SilverBirchWithout]

Just wanted to add some of the comments also really sound like victim blaming.

[Offred]

Relate joint counselling is not appropriate for DV, neither is mediation...

If it is the DV programme they run that is slightly different (but still as perpetrator programmes are shown to be ineffective) still not great...

[AnyFucker]

Op. Hide this thread. Do the FP course. Come back and tell us how it went.

[GreatStar]

Op has said she'll do it
And this thread is now making her overthink and runs the risk of her taking step not forward. Come on, let's give her a break here. She's experienced DV, is heavily pregnant and is stressed of course with everything going on
Let's praise het for agreeing to do the fp and hope she finds it of use
OP I would bow out of this thread if I was you at this stage
All the best xxx

[littlebird7]

I think we would all echo all the best. I haven't read any post that reflects victim blaming. I think everyone wants the best for op and her children.
NONE of this is her fault.
But she does get the chance to change the future now / I really hope she takes it to op

[Blackcatonthesofa]

Sometimes as an adult we have to do things that we really don't want to do. It's best to get it over and done with than arrguing about it for years. They might get off your back after the course and you'll feel more in control.

Best of luck

[GingerAndTheBiscuits]

Read and read and read and read:

survivingsafeguarding.co.uk/

And try to reframe the Freedom Project. Don't pay lip service to it. Recognise you made some poor decisions about your ex (and you're not alone in doing that) and the FP will help you to make different decisions in the future. And it's that which will help to show social workers you're delivering your part of the safety plan. Also CP is multi-agency - it's not just social workers making these recommendations.

[Inkandbone]

Well said sock

[naebotherpal]

Why are people pushing, goading and patronising her?! She said she’ll do it, she can’t pretend she’s happy about that if she’s not, but people having a go about that fact aren’t helping. You’re only causing her more anxiety and resentment about doing it at all. Hopefully she’ll do the course, and over time naturally feel the benefit from it.

Good luck, OP.

[SonicBoomBoom]

Anatidae another massive thank you from me.