The 'Taking a Break from Dating' Support Thread

[Biddylee]

Hello,

I need to take a break from dating - online or otherwise. Because although I'm prepared to get back on the horse and try again, I seem to be encountering the same mistakes.

So this is a space for those who need to take a break, need encouraging to stick with the break and NOT PANIC THAT ALL THE GOOD MEN/WOMEN HAVE LEFT THE PLANET while they are taking a break.

For those seeking some hand holding because they feel a bit drained by it all.

For those who came across a helpful article about being single and happy.

Mememe I've reached 50 and I feel like my dating days are over. Blokes just seem to want younger women. I'm trying to be happy with my own company and do things by myself that I enjoy. Some days it works, other days I just want to hide under the duvet and cry myself to sleep.

It's hard when you think no one wants to be with you. But there are lovely people out there and they may not be right for dating but I always think friendship is much more important.

Hope every one is doing ok today.

After a pestering from Mr functioning alcoholic yesterday, I had a greeting from Mr young man this morning.

Tis the season to hear from exes, tra la la la la, la la, la, la.

oh biddy...

have a chuckle at the absurdity of it all and be glad you are maintaining standards good enough for you.

toxic relationships have so much to answer for. they skew everything. absolutely everything.

rejoice in your ability to see through the fuckwittery!! Go you xx

when i hear young man i always think of Kathy whatsherface as Linda La Pugh in Gimme Gimme Gimme (or was it Waynetta Slob??!)

sorry it was Kathy Burke in a Harry Enfield sketch

mememe I always think of it as Kathy Burke saying "Young man" too.

Mr Functioning alcoholic pestering me reminded me that he is only interested in meeting his needs. A useful reminder. I hope he leaves me alone now.

Here's a bit of fun to measure your progress next year:

www.futureme.org/

Biddy oh my... it seems that even twunts get lonely at Christmas. Resist all urges to be seasonally kind. Resist. Resist. Resist!!

been yes I feel quite drained by it all. And it's made me cry quite a lot. It's like a sharp reminder of the shit they put me through.

biddy hope you're doing ok today. I like the future me letters. I might try writing one to myself.

I set up profiles at the weekend on Tinder and POF to help out another single friend. We consumed too much wine and compared matches and terrible messages. But then I got a message from someone who seemed quite normal. Had a bit of a chat and then he asked to meet me for coffee. At that point I panicked and realised that I couldn't meet him. I would just end up comparing him to Mr Committment phobe.

So I politely explained that I was newly single and had realised that I wasn't ready to date yet. He was ok about it and gave me his number in case I changed my mind.
And I deleted my profiles.

But I now angry with myself for feeling like this. Because Mr CP couldn't give me a reason for dumping me I'm doubting myself, wondering if the problem was me and he just couldn't say. I really want to just yell at him that his lack of a good reason is making me feel very insecure.

Runs Had a good day. All quiet... I shouldn't say that too loud.

I also did the talking to someone before I was ready the other week. I then had to cancel a vague date plan. Just kindly said I wasn't ready and wished him luck.

It's fine to feel unready for dating. It's easy to get caught up in trying to figure out what went wrong and then beating yourself up. That's no good. It's horrible when you don't have a really good reason why someone rejected you after a certain amount of time. However, if you aren't going to get that closure, you will need to look at ways to find closure and move on. It is still early days. Go and spoil yourself. Do something fun. I keep wanting to get back out there and land on my feet and charge 'dating' head on. But not yet - I can feel that I'm not ready. Listen to your gut instinct.

Hi everyone. Hope you're all doing ok, keeping busy and staying NC with those that need to be gone from our lives and thoughts.
I'm at the beginning of 10 days on my own, which could feel like an eternity. DC have gone to their dad's for Christmas. I've a few things planned for day time but it's the evenings when I start to feel bored and lonely. And I wonder if should look on the dating sites for something to do. But I know I'm not ready to date yet.

Not a bad week. Was feeling a bit anxious after having both exes come out of the woodwork. Was pissed with Mr Young Man because he asked me something and I responded and then heard nothing at all. (I'm not explaining it well but if I don't want to go into too much detail - anyway, he could have responded just to end the conversation instead of me never knowing whether he might just drop me a text). I need to be firmer and slam doors harder!

And Mr functioning alcoholic dropped me another text checking I accepted his apology.

Anyway.... I hope this is the last of hearing from both of them.

I hope everyone is having a good weekend.

Run That sounds like a long time on your own. Try and keep busy in the evening (meetup, londonist, eventbrite and funzig will have things to do on them). I like window shopping on the dating sites but then I would get into a conversation and realised that this is not what I want. I have not the mental energy for dating at the moment.

Got any hobbies you need to pursue? A novel to write? Any friends you've kept meaning to get in touch with?

Hi everyone. Crap week. So busy. Christmas do was a damp squib. Dying since Friday night.

I'm fairly evenly spread over Christmas re contact etc. Off work for 10 days. What fun.

Ignore me. Just a bit grumpy. Will be glad of the rest... but will miss the routine..

Mememe just moan away on here. That's what we're here for.

I've signed up to Meetup and pencilled in a couple of things for the New year. There are some pub meetups happening this week but I'd have to drive and parking is a nightmare anyway without the whole Christmas stuff going on.

I hear ya re parking... it's too much like hard work!

Thanks for understanding, it's tough being a single parent and having no close ally.. x

I had a massive no contact fail with Mr FA. We were talking for about four hours - text and phone call. Why are things complex? I'm not going to beat myself up about it.

Well. Back to no contact with Mr FA. Fuck it's really opened up that wound.

Biddy a 4 hour chat is going to mess with your head in so many ways. Don't be hard on yourself. You had things to talk about. Maybe take a day to reflect on what was said and how you feel. Write it down. I find putting it down on paper helps to get rid of some of the hurt and anger.
Why can he still call you? Don't you want to block him so he can't put you through this again and again?

I've blocked him and will be blocking him on my emails if i can do that. He keeps saying that he will leave me alone and let me get back in touch but then starts talking to me and talking about when we can meet up. I've been really upfront, honest and open about why I don't want to see him. But he's not listening or ignoring me. He is being an entitled male - attempting to stroll back into my life to pick up a 'friendship' or even some sex (we had great chemistry) - just because he feels alright. It feels nuts to be pestered like this! Good article here:

www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2014/jul/18/men-entitled-women-friendzone

The only positive outcome from this is it made me realise I wasn't over him (and I have been ignoring that or been unaware) so perhaps I can through that.

He is being an entitled male Remember this. He thinks you owe him friendship/sex/whatever when he wants it. You owe him nothing.
He needs to move on with his life as well and he can't do that if he thinks he can still get in contact with you.
Look after yourself today. Treat yourself to something.

I nearly messaged Mr Commitment Phobe because I saw something on Facebook I know he would find very funny. I thought - one little message can't hurt - but I know it will open up a line of conversation that I am keeping shut for now.

Runs I've been really quite upset about the whole thing. It just reminded me how I felt about him and how unfair it is when someone says that you're great, etc but it's not enough but they still want all the benefits of you. It's good to not message Mr Commitment phobe. These times will pass.

Onwards, upwards and forwards.

to you both...You're coping brilliantly. Truly great progress... often the only way is through it x

Thanks mememe. A bit of me is fine and resilient and knows I made the right decision. And the other bit of me is reliving the feelings I went through a few months ago - the being good enough for sex and friendship but not a relationship. It knocks my confidence. I know I'm not broken even if I feel a bit that way at the moment. I will treat it more like a scab that is healing rather than a permanent scar.

The guy is a twit and someone has no interest in my well being. I need to remember that with bells on.

Yes you do. You know it already. It's now about accepting, somehow.

You're going to be fine...